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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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I just got punched. in front of my three and four year old.

310 replies

Faultysingledad · 07/12/2014 15:24

I'll start at the beginning. I popped to the supermarket to buy some bits and bobs for a meal that me and my boys are preparing for some family visitors tonight. I had my boys with me as I'm a single dad. We went in and got the boys and bobs that we needed. My lads are good, but we're starting to get a little bit fractious towards the end, as it was pre Christmas busy. We went back to the car and loaded up. No issues. As I was driving out, I realised that I'd forgotten the cream for making my potato gratin. No big deal, we spun round parked up again and I started to get the lads out. They didn't want to go in again. No problem. They are good lads and obedient, and understand the meaning of a promise. I asked them if they would like to stay in the car whilst I ran in to the shop. They eagerly agreed. I told them that they must stay in their seats, and that they could read their books or play with their toys. They are both sticklers for rules, so I had every confidence that this is what would happen for the couple of minutes that I would be out of sight. So car alarm internal sensors deactivated, doors deadlocked and kids happy, that's what happened. And when I returned 2-3 minutes later, that's exactly how I found them, happily reading books to each other. Everything was fine, until some bloke came and angrily pulled open my door and started yelling at me. Now I KNOW that this is a controversial subject, and that lots of people would have condemned my actions as neglectful, but respectfully, that's their opinion, which isn't born out by facts or law. I'm a fairly thoughtful bloke, but I've got some quite strong opinions about this nanny state, risk averse society that is increasingly prevalent. I've already considered this whole issue, and I'm very aware that this is an issue that has been done to death on mumsnet, and I'm also aware that my opinion is against the majority opinion these days. Anyway, I digress. The bloke that opened my car door was aggressive and shouty. I didn't get a chance to put my thoughts about risks vs benefits, or the fact that more kids get run over and killed in busy car parks than get abducted from cars, or that it was my parenting decision and none of his business, I just told him to go away. He said he was going to call the police, I said be my guest, I'd done nothing illegal. I told him to go away again, he punched me. My kids were screaming in fear at this point. It was all a bit of a blur to be honest. Shortly afterwards I managed to get my door shut and drive away.

My problem is, I don't know what to do now. Normally it would obviously be to report it to the police, but to be honest, I can't be doing with all the hand wringing and questions asked about my parenting. I should imagine that there's quite a risk that the police would report me to social services at the very least, and I don't need the stree, even though I would wholeheartedly defend my decision making process. Plus, I have no idea of this blokes identity.

Should I just chalk it up to experience and try to forget about it? That's my current plan, but I'm always inclined to bury my head in the sand about stuff anyway, and it's not always the best course of action. The most distressing thing about the whole thing is that it's obviously deeply upset my boys, who keep asking about the 'horrible man.'

Thoughts?

OP posts:
DejaVuAllOverAgain · 07/12/2014 15:41

Report it, no one has the right to assault you.

DixieNormas · 07/12/2014 15:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Faultysingledad · 07/12/2014 15:41

Hi, thank you. It's probably from reading the whole 'don't let your kids out of sight for a second' threads that have stopped me reporting it. I seem to be in a minority thinking that what I did was ok. If I get a copper who thinks the same it could be a nightmare. Thanks for the replies. I think I'll sleep on it.

OP posts:
atoughyear · 07/12/2014 15:42

Of course you did nothing wrong and you must tell the police!

Pagwatch · 07/12/2014 15:43

the children are three and four! It's right up there in the title!

planetrees · 07/12/2014 15:43

Bet you don't do it again.

bobbyjoe · 07/12/2014 15:43

The kids ages are in the heading saiyme09

Badvocinapeartree · 07/12/2014 15:43

You should report
The shop will have it on CCTV.
I wouldn't have left my dc personally, but that doesn't mean some random nutter gets to assault you in front of your dc!
So he was worried about them, was he?
But quite happy to scare them half to death by assaulting their dad!?

saiyme09 · 07/12/2014 15:43

My bad it's in the title! Um I still think it's super odd and even if the guy did have the best intentions it was the completely wrong way of going about raising concerns! Call the police you don't deserve a punch

LegoAdventCalendar · 07/12/2014 15:43

I would report this to the coppers.

Bulbasaur · 07/12/2014 15:44

A man punched you. Call the police.

The reason you don't leave kids in the car is because of weather conditions. The entire campaign for not leaving your kids in a car is because many die of heat stroke because the car turns into an oven.

It's December. Your children were in no danger of any weather conditions. You did nothing wrong.

My parents left us in the car all the time on cool days. The worst that happened was we trashed the car and ruined a few things. I personally wouldn't leave a 3 or 4 year old in the car as a blanket rule, but yours seem well behaved and are probably an exception to the rule.

It doesn't matter that another parent disagreed. You call the police if you feel a child is in danger, you don't punch the parent.

QuietsBatmobileLostAWheel · 07/12/2014 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2014 15:45

It didn't take 2 - 3 minutes. Probably more like 10

You were there were you bobbyjoe?

PossumPoo · 07/12/2014 15:46

Do people click on threads, and comment without reading any of it Confused

Maybe because it's written as letters not numbers giving benefit of doubt

3 and 4 people, the kids are 3 and 4

Definitely report OP.

Pagwatch · 07/12/2014 15:46

I was slapped in Boots in Sidcup once because my son was having a meltdown and I was on the floor trying to help him.
There are some really unpleasant people out there whose capacity to vileness expands when they are enjoying a moment of sanctimonious hectoring.
Actually there are a fair few on mumsnet.

SmashleyHop · 07/12/2014 15:46

I wouldn't let it stop you. What is the worst they could do to you? Lecture you? Send social services round to interview you? They could advise you not to do so in the future and it's up to you wether you follow that advice. I doubt you are in any danger of getting in major trouble with the police.

This man however did absolutely the wrong thing- He could have very easily phoned the police if he were that concerned.

kali110 · 07/12/2014 15:47

Sai he does say how old his kids are.

Faultysingledad · 07/12/2014 15:47

It took a MAXIMUM of five minutes; straight in, knew where I was going, self serve checkout, out. Probably less than four. Car was parked on flat, it has an electric hand brake that doesn't release unless the key is in, either. I completely understand that some people's opinions are that they are too young, but I know my kids and they've had to grow up quickly over the past year.

OP posts:
kali110 · 07/12/2014 15:48

The guy had no right punching you in the face.

Faultysingledad · 07/12/2014 15:48

Planetrees, that just proves you don't know me...

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 07/12/2014 15:49

It doesn't matter how long OP was in the shop or how old the children were. None of that gives the man the right to punch him.

Badvocinapeartree · 07/12/2014 15:49

Well...there you go.
So phone the police and report the bastard.

bobbyjoe · 07/12/2014 15:49

This man was prosecuted recently for something similar

ww.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/11249091/Father-prosecuted-after-leaving-daughter-in-car-for-ten-minutes.html

JammyGeorge · 07/12/2014 15:49

Outrageous behaviour, my boys would be terrified if that happened to us.

I think he deserves reporting and as someone else has said he's bound to have form for violence.

I do see your point though as it will be a load of hassle and there will be CCTV but that CCTV will also show how long you were gone. He might also have been with a partner/friend who can lie for him, whereas you were alone.

I do leave my kids in the car for petrol/corner shop but I honestly don't know if/what the laws are covering it or what ss stance would be.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2014 15:50

OP I wouldn't even justify yourself to the nitpickers. Some people can't help themselves. None of it means you should have been assaulted.