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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

I just got punched. in front of my three and four year old.

310 replies

Faultysingledad · 07/12/2014 15:24

I'll start at the beginning. I popped to the supermarket to buy some bits and bobs for a meal that me and my boys are preparing for some family visitors tonight. I had my boys with me as I'm a single dad. We went in and got the boys and bobs that we needed. My lads are good, but we're starting to get a little bit fractious towards the end, as it was pre Christmas busy. We went back to the car and loaded up. No issues. As I was driving out, I realised that I'd forgotten the cream for making my potato gratin. No big deal, we spun round parked up again and I started to get the lads out. They didn't want to go in again. No problem. They are good lads and obedient, and understand the meaning of a promise. I asked them if they would like to stay in the car whilst I ran in to the shop. They eagerly agreed. I told them that they must stay in their seats, and that they could read their books or play with their toys. They are both sticklers for rules, so I had every confidence that this is what would happen for the couple of minutes that I would be out of sight. So car alarm internal sensors deactivated, doors deadlocked and kids happy, that's what happened. And when I returned 2-3 minutes later, that's exactly how I found them, happily reading books to each other. Everything was fine, until some bloke came and angrily pulled open my door and started yelling at me. Now I KNOW that this is a controversial subject, and that lots of people would have condemned my actions as neglectful, but respectfully, that's their opinion, which isn't born out by facts or law. I'm a fairly thoughtful bloke, but I've got some quite strong opinions about this nanny state, risk averse society that is increasingly prevalent. I've already considered this whole issue, and I'm very aware that this is an issue that has been done to death on mumsnet, and I'm also aware that my opinion is against the majority opinion these days. Anyway, I digress. The bloke that opened my car door was aggressive and shouty. I didn't get a chance to put my thoughts about risks vs benefits, or the fact that more kids get run over and killed in busy car parks than get abducted from cars, or that it was my parenting decision and none of his business, I just told him to go away. He said he was going to call the police, I said be my guest, I'd done nothing illegal. I told him to go away again, he punched me. My kids were screaming in fear at this point. It was all a bit of a blur to be honest. Shortly afterwards I managed to get my door shut and drive away.

My problem is, I don't know what to do now. Normally it would obviously be to report it to the police, but to be honest, I can't be doing with all the hand wringing and questions asked about my parenting. I should imagine that there's quite a risk that the police would report me to social services at the very least, and I don't need the stree, even though I would wholeheartedly defend my decision making process. Plus, I have no idea of this blokes identity.

Should I just chalk it up to experience and try to forget about it? That's my current plan, but I'm always inclined to bury my head in the sand about stuff anyway, and it's not always the best course of action. The most distressing thing about the whole thing is that it's obviously deeply upset my boys, who keep asking about the 'horrible man.'

Thoughts?

OP posts:
bobbyjoe · 07/12/2014 16:38

haha, love the DM sad little face atough. OP asked if he should go to the police. You don't think they're going to question how long he left the kids in the car?

DoraGora · 07/12/2014 16:39

Incidentally, if it ever came to trial, it would be interesting to see the magistrate's view on the offender's attempt to police parenting and accompanying children. In the past (for vigilantism) an extra tariff has been imposed, because taking the law into ones own hands is highly frowned upon.

needastrongone · 07/12/2014 16:40

I don't get why folk are questioning the OP over the timing thing? I also don't get what why people are questioning his response?

OP - I would think that the incident is still pretty raw and you and your boys are understandably shocked. I might be tempted to just ensure that they are ok, and not too upset as your first priority. Sleep on it, see how you feel in the morning. I share your concerns about what type of can of worms you might open if you took it further, which is not to say that is right, but is most probably true.

Fairenuff · 07/12/2014 16:41

They might question it bobbyjoe and they might advise against it but they won't prosecute because there is no criminal offence.

SoonToBeSix · 07/12/2014 16:42

He was very wrong to punch you.
You were very wrong to leave very young children alone. However your wrong doesn't make him right. You should report it but be prepared to be questioned by SS.

atoughyear · 07/12/2014 16:43

bobbyjoe Are you the twat who punched the OP?
Have another Sad
Grin

bobbyjoe · 07/12/2014 16:46

Fairenuff I never said they would prosecute. My response was to the people making an issue of my bringing up early on whether it really was 2 minutes because if the OP goes to the police they will question that too to establish the facts.

The Telegraph link I attached did show one parent was prosecuted for something similar which is where the OP's worry is. He has to decide whether that's a risk he wants to take. No where have I said the OP deserved what happened. The man that attacked him was completely out of order.

EBearhug · 07/12/2014 16:47

You don't think they're going to question how long he left the kids in the car?

If it's relevant, the OP should be able to prove it was not long by the times on the receipts, and by CCTV in the store, which will show the children with him on the first round.

TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet · 07/12/2014 16:47

evening all

bobbyjoe · 07/12/2014 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

needastrongone · 07/12/2014 16:48

toughyear Grin

soontobesix - that is your opinion re leaving young children alone. The OP didn't ask for opinions, and, given he is the one that knows his DC best, and was actually there, would be best placed to make that call.

Donkeysleighbellsringing · 07/12/2014 16:48

Attacking you in front of the very minors he claimed to be upset about, what a knob.

If you don't report it and the next person he attacks has a heart condition or abnormally thin skull it could be worse.

I'd report it, not expecting him to be charged or for it to get to court but randoms can't go round administering violence, if they identify him they could have a word with him. To at least make him think about his temper in future.

NorksWar · 07/12/2014 16:49

To me the original post doesn't add up somehow. If that's exactly how it happened I think the OP would have gone straight to the police.

needastrongone · 07/12/2014 16:49

evening Olivia Smile

culturemulcher · 07/12/2014 16:50

Call the police, and also call the Supermarket. Ask to speak to the manager and tell them that you're reporting an assault to the police and can they make sure that they keep any CCTV footage from the carpark for the time/date it happened.

You have my sympathy!

zeeboo · 07/12/2014 16:50

I can't believe the B.S armchair experts on this thread!! I could easily get from the P&C parking to the dairy section, back to the fag counter itself service till and pay by card in 3 minutes. I wonder if some posters here realise how long a minute genuinely is, and to the person saying "unless he sprinted" well I'd assume that's what the OP did as he was in a hurry. My kids at 3/4 would happily have sat still in their car seats 'reading' their books.

OP, it sounds a complete nightmare. My instinct would be the same as yours, I'd be terrified of SS involvement so I'd probably just work on reassuring your boys, maybe lie and tell them that the police have found him and told him never to do it again? I think a white lie is acceptable in these circumstances.

atoughyear · 07/12/2014 16:55
Grin
Fairenuff · 07/12/2014 16:55

Fairenuff I never said they would prosecute. My response was to the people making an issue of my bringing up early on whether it really was 2 minutes because if the OP goes to the police they will question that too to establish the facts.

So what? So what if they question it and it turns out to be 8 minutes. What difference would that make to the prosecution of a man for assault. Will they say that he had good cause? No.

The Telegraph link I attached did show one parent was prosecuted for something similar which is where the OP's worry is.

That link didn't work for me. What was the criminal offence for which he was prosecuted?

LittleBairn · 07/12/2014 16:59

I honestly don't think SS will care about you leaving the kids for a few minutes but the police will certainly care about someone being assulted in front of children. It's baffling that someone so concerned about children's safety would then terrify them by assaulting their father!

bobbyjoe · 07/12/2014 17:03

Fairnuff, the link shows a man that was prosecuted for leaving his kid in the car alone for 10 minutes while he went to a shop.

"So what?" Well, the OP is nervous about being questioned on this and risking SS getting involved, that's what.

planetrees · 07/12/2014 17:06

I'm quite reassured that people are keeping their eye out for unaccompanied children in cars, although they shouldn't use violence when told to go away.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/12/2014 17:07

I think SS would take dim view of him leaving kids of that age alone in car tbh.

Obviously doesn't excuse an assault though

Delarosa · 07/12/2014 17:13

No the police wont do anything
You lot live in some fairyland that think the police give a f about this type of thing
They wont care
The op will admit to leaving children in the car, then bang ss involved
I KNOW what im talking about i live in the real world and i have dealings with police n ss

Delarosa · 07/12/2014 17:15

Everyone on here "thinks" are any of you social workers or had dealings with then to make such assumptions?
No im guessing not, your "thinking" is foolish

Coconutty · 07/12/2014 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.