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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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I just got punched. in front of my three and four year old.

310 replies

Faultysingledad · 07/12/2014 15:24

I'll start at the beginning. I popped to the supermarket to buy some bits and bobs for a meal that me and my boys are preparing for some family visitors tonight. I had my boys with me as I'm a single dad. We went in and got the boys and bobs that we needed. My lads are good, but we're starting to get a little bit fractious towards the end, as it was pre Christmas busy. We went back to the car and loaded up. No issues. As I was driving out, I realised that I'd forgotten the cream for making my potato gratin. No big deal, we spun round parked up again and I started to get the lads out. They didn't want to go in again. No problem. They are good lads and obedient, and understand the meaning of a promise. I asked them if they would like to stay in the car whilst I ran in to the shop. They eagerly agreed. I told them that they must stay in their seats, and that they could read their books or play with their toys. They are both sticklers for rules, so I had every confidence that this is what would happen for the couple of minutes that I would be out of sight. So car alarm internal sensors deactivated, doors deadlocked and kids happy, that's what happened. And when I returned 2-3 minutes later, that's exactly how I found them, happily reading books to each other. Everything was fine, until some bloke came and angrily pulled open my door and started yelling at me. Now I KNOW that this is a controversial subject, and that lots of people would have condemned my actions as neglectful, but respectfully, that's their opinion, which isn't born out by facts or law. I'm a fairly thoughtful bloke, but I've got some quite strong opinions about this nanny state, risk averse society that is increasingly prevalent. I've already considered this whole issue, and I'm very aware that this is an issue that has been done to death on mumsnet, and I'm also aware that my opinion is against the majority opinion these days. Anyway, I digress. The bloke that opened my car door was aggressive and shouty. I didn't get a chance to put my thoughts about risks vs benefits, or the fact that more kids get run over and killed in busy car parks than get abducted from cars, or that it was my parenting decision and none of his business, I just told him to go away. He said he was going to call the police, I said be my guest, I'd done nothing illegal. I told him to go away again, he punched me. My kids were screaming in fear at this point. It was all a bit of a blur to be honest. Shortly afterwards I managed to get my door shut and drive away.

My problem is, I don't know what to do now. Normally it would obviously be to report it to the police, but to be honest, I can't be doing with all the hand wringing and questions asked about my parenting. I should imagine that there's quite a risk that the police would report me to social services at the very least, and I don't need the stree, even though I would wholeheartedly defend my decision making process. Plus, I have no idea of this blokes identity.

Should I just chalk it up to experience and try to forget about it? That's my current plan, but I'm always inclined to bury my head in the sand about stuff anyway, and it's not always the best course of action. The most distressing thing about the whole thing is that it's obviously deeply upset my boys, who keep asking about the 'horrible man.'

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Bettercallsaul1 · 07/12/2014 17:19

I think what is important here, OP, is the long term security and happiness of your family, especially as you hint that there have been other problems recently. Given any possibility at all of this becoming a Social Services matter, I personally would be on the safe side and not report it. Of course, normally, you would report any assault, but you really don't want any possibility of you becoming the subject of a prosecution, however misguided. If your children end up on the At Risk register, it will be no consolation that you feel blameless in the whole affair. You may find yourself landed with serious problems long after the punch and damage to your pride have ceased to matter.

I would concentrate on your children and the fright that they have had. Do not dwell on the incident and explain that the man was silly and wrong but that Daddy is perfectly all right now and is just going to forget about it. With Christmas just round the corner, it should hopefully be easier than usual to distract them!

ilovesooty · 07/12/2014 17:24

Delarosa I work alongside the police and deal with social services on a regular basis.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/12/2014 17:26

Yes I know social workers personally and professionally

ilovesooty · 07/12/2014 17:28

So Delarosa your guessing is wrong isn't it?

cheesecakemom · 07/12/2014 17:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

BrucieTheShark · 07/12/2014 17:31

Pagwatch

"There are some really unpleasant people out there whose capacity to vileness expands when they are enjoying a moment of sanctimonious hectoring."

This is so very right. How beautifully phrased too

Fairenuff · 07/12/2014 17:31

Fairnuff, the link shows a man that was prosecuted for leaving his kid in the car alone for 10 minutes while he went to a shop

There is no such offence. The crown prosecution service only prosecute criminal offences. What was the offence? Sorry to ask again but I can't access the article and you can.

Delarosa · 07/12/2014 17:31

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fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/12/2014 17:32

Why not write your own passive aggressive remarks instead of hijacking Pagwatch's and twisting them?

Fairenuff · 07/12/2014 17:32

Delarosa your personal experiences do not dictate the procedure of the police service. They will log the incident, they will take statements and they will investigate.

raltheraffe · 07/12/2014 17:33

Police will not do jack. I would just leave it.

Delarosa · 07/12/2014 17:33

Child neglect or abuse is a criminal offence and he could be charged with this via the CPS

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/12/2014 17:34

Delarosa are you always so rude and aggressive?

ilovesooty · 07/12/2014 17:34

Believe what you want Delarosa

It really doesn't bother me one way or the other.

Reported, by the way.

Delarosa · 07/12/2014 17:35

Fair MY WORK AND EXPERIENCE.
Like i said i KNOW what im talking about.

Delarosa · 07/12/2014 17:36

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SoonToBeSix · 07/12/2014 17:37

Needastrong in this country the police SS and ultimately the courts have the final say on child neglect. It is not an individual parents right to abandon their children.

Delarosa · 07/12/2014 17:37

Yes i am always rude and aggressive...... Lames

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/12/2014 17:38

Clearly you are. Silly question

ilovesooty · 07/12/2014 17:38

Fanjo it appears the answer to your question is yes.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/12/2014 17:38

Lames?

Delarosa · 07/12/2014 17:38

Its his children, hes a single dad, ffs just leave him alone. He made one mistake

TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet · 07/12/2014 17:40

Oi.

fluffyraggies · 07/12/2014 17:41

I am sorry this happened to you OP.

I think if you are sure of your timings then it will be borne out by the CCTV footage (no matter who thinks what on here about how long it really took you Hmm).

I believe you should report this assault.

It is not an offense to leave kids in a car for a couple of minutes while you run into a shop.

It IS an offense to punch a stranger in a car-park.

I hate to say this, but i think if a woman had posted saying she'd been hit by a bloke in the car-park, for leaving her kids in the car for a couple of minutes, there would have been unanimous uproar on her behalf here.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/12/2014 17:41

Alright Olivia