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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I just got punched. in front of my three and four year old.

310 replies

Faultysingledad · 07/12/2014 15:24

I'll start at the beginning. I popped to the supermarket to buy some bits and bobs for a meal that me and my boys are preparing for some family visitors tonight. I had my boys with me as I'm a single dad. We went in and got the boys and bobs that we needed. My lads are good, but we're starting to get a little bit fractious towards the end, as it was pre Christmas busy. We went back to the car and loaded up. No issues. As I was driving out, I realised that I'd forgotten the cream for making my potato gratin. No big deal, we spun round parked up again and I started to get the lads out. They didn't want to go in again. No problem. They are good lads and obedient, and understand the meaning of a promise. I asked them if they would like to stay in the car whilst I ran in to the shop. They eagerly agreed. I told them that they must stay in their seats, and that they could read their books or play with their toys. They are both sticklers for rules, so I had every confidence that this is what would happen for the couple of minutes that I would be out of sight. So car alarm internal sensors deactivated, doors deadlocked and kids happy, that's what happened. And when I returned 2-3 minutes later, that's exactly how I found them, happily reading books to each other. Everything was fine, until some bloke came and angrily pulled open my door and started yelling at me. Now I KNOW that this is a controversial subject, and that lots of people would have condemned my actions as neglectful, but respectfully, that's their opinion, which isn't born out by facts or law. I'm a fairly thoughtful bloke, but I've got some quite strong opinions about this nanny state, risk averse society that is increasingly prevalent. I've already considered this whole issue, and I'm very aware that this is an issue that has been done to death on mumsnet, and I'm also aware that my opinion is against the majority opinion these days. Anyway, I digress. The bloke that opened my car door was aggressive and shouty. I didn't get a chance to put my thoughts about risks vs benefits, or the fact that more kids get run over and killed in busy car parks than get abducted from cars, or that it was my parenting decision and none of his business, I just told him to go away. He said he was going to call the police, I said be my guest, I'd done nothing illegal. I told him to go away again, he punched me. My kids were screaming in fear at this point. It was all a bit of a blur to be honest. Shortly afterwards I managed to get my door shut and drive away.

My problem is, I don't know what to do now. Normally it would obviously be to report it to the police, but to be honest, I can't be doing with all the hand wringing and questions asked about my parenting. I should imagine that there's quite a risk that the police would report me to social services at the very least, and I don't need the stree, even though I would wholeheartedly defend my decision making process. Plus, I have no idea of this blokes identity.

Should I just chalk it up to experience and try to forget about it? That's my current plan, but I'm always inclined to bury my head in the sand about stuff anyway, and it's not always the best course of action. The most distressing thing about the whole thing is that it's obviously deeply upset my boys, who keep asking about the 'horrible man.'

Thoughts?

OP posts:
bobbyjoe · 07/12/2014 16:19

Yes, quite sooty Confused, thank you

Delarosa · 07/12/2014 16:20

I have a lot of experience with police and no they wont find the guy (he said she said) he wont be arrested even if he was found and yes you will be reported to SS
Dont do it, he is a sad pathetic prick and he will get his eventually.
They are YOUR kids

Goldmandra · 07/12/2014 16:20

I wouldn't ever deadlock two children inside a car and leave them simply because of the speed at which my friend's car went up in flames out of the blue and the fact that she didn't even have time to get her baby's car seat out. I don't think people realise how common it is for cars to spontaneously combust.

However, I still believe you have the right to make that decision for yourself, that SS would not be interested and you absolutely should report this man to the police.

planetrees · 07/12/2014 16:20

This reply has been deleted

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atoughyear · 07/12/2014 16:21

bobbyjoe the OP could be lying about all of the story. He may not have been punched. He may not have two kids. He may not be who he claims to be . We all have to take each other's word for what's written on here. Personally, I can't bear the Miss Marple types on here Hmm

ilovesooty · 07/12/2014 16:22

No need to thank me. I didn't tell you to "run along" in the first place.

Sallystyle · 07/12/2014 16:23

I had a three year old that knew what a promise was.

I also had toddlers who read with each other.. granted, I use the term reading loosely.

Yes, I can get to a self check out in under 3 minutes often at my local store.

None of that is hard to believe Hmm

ilovesooty · 07/12/2014 16:24

planetrees you weren't there either.

ExitPursuedByABear · 07/12/2014 16:24

How common is spontaneous combustion of cars?

bobbyjoe · 07/12/2014 16:25

no idea what you're on about now sooty

if questioning something that doesn't quite ring true in an OP like 2 minutes make me a Miss Marple type then fine by me atoughyear [smile[ usually I take most OPs at face value but will question as anyone has the right to something that jars.

Sallystyle · 07/12/2014 16:25

If cars commonly combust I don't think any of us should ever take our kids in the car.

DixieNormas · 07/12/2014 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare · 07/12/2014 16:26

You did nothing wrong. I have not left my kids in a car at a supermarket because I always do a big shop. I have left them in the car to pick up their sibling from school. Unless it was a boiling hot day it is no one else's business.

I would go to the police. Someone attacked you. Some stranger physically attacked you. That is not okay.

abitwrong123 · 07/12/2014 16:26

I would report the incident. It's likely there will be cctv footage if you were close enough to the supermarket entrance although most supermarkets don't have cctv in the carparks.

Also, the store cctv would confirm your story, that you shopped with the boys and then ran in and out to get some cream. You haven't done anything wrong leaving the boys in a locked car for a couple of minutes. The police would not have an issue with that.

They might want to speak to the boys as they were witnesses, as they are so young it would be a specially trained member of the police, it wouldn't be a traumatic thing for them and it would again help reassure them that people are not allowed to hit other people and it's not a normal occurrence.

Although it might not come to anything, at least you would be showing your boys that people are not allowed to go around hitting each other, also, it could be helpful if they do find him and he then reoffends in future as it would show a pattern in his behaviour.

If you were punched you must have bruising? You need to photograph the injury / ies and should also see your gp to have the injury logged.
Hope you're feeling ok now.

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare · 07/12/2014 16:30

I did not read the whole thread before posting. I'm going to say I probably wouldn't report it as even if there is a small risk that ss would take a dim view of this it is a risk not worth taking.

MrsBertMacklin · 07/12/2014 16:30

FWIW I bought cat litter, Baileys, flowers & milk in a big Tesco today and was in/out in 6 minutes (timed because there was a segment coming up on the radio I wanted to catch, so I flew round).

Goldmandra · 07/12/2014 16:31

How common is spontaneous combustion of cars?

I don't have any figures but I've seen at least two on the side of the motorway in flames and I know two people whose cars have gone up while parked on their drives.

I agree that it isn't a high probability but I'm not sure it is as low a most people assume.

Delarosa · 07/12/2014 16:31

Ffs the police wont do anything you really think they are going To fill paperwork out for a stupid minor assault?
Seriously they dont care the only person who will get in trouble here is the op
Please listen to me OP i KNOW what im talkin about, you will be made out to be the criminal here, the real criminal wont be found.

atoughyear · 07/12/2014 16:32

I feel so sorry for people who have traumatic experiences, come on her for support then get called liars Sad

Fairenuff · 07/12/2014 16:34

Ffs the police wont do anything you really think they are going To fill paperwork out for a stupid minor assault?

Yes they will. It is not sensible to tell people not to report assaults because the police won't investigate. Don't be silly. That is what they are there for.

Preciousbane · 07/12/2014 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBertMacklin · 07/12/2014 16:35

If for no other reason, if this man is so unhinged that he goes round punching strangers, chances are he's going to do something similar again, possibly worse next time. So report for that.

Come on, are the police seriously going to call SS on this?

DoraGora · 07/12/2014 16:36

It's assault, a crime, plain and simple. Report to the police, with as many details as possible.

atoughyear · 07/12/2014 16:37

Delarosa That is dreadful advice.

Fairenuff · 07/12/2014 16:38

No SS probably won't get involved. There was a SS expert on another thread recently who said that they were too overworked to deal with babies with fractured skulls, so this would definitely not be a priority for them.