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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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I just got punched. in front of my three and four year old.

310 replies

Faultysingledad · 07/12/2014 15:24

I'll start at the beginning. I popped to the supermarket to buy some bits and bobs for a meal that me and my boys are preparing for some family visitors tonight. I had my boys with me as I'm a single dad. We went in and got the boys and bobs that we needed. My lads are good, but we're starting to get a little bit fractious towards the end, as it was pre Christmas busy. We went back to the car and loaded up. No issues. As I was driving out, I realised that I'd forgotten the cream for making my potato gratin. No big deal, we spun round parked up again and I started to get the lads out. They didn't want to go in again. No problem. They are good lads and obedient, and understand the meaning of a promise. I asked them if they would like to stay in the car whilst I ran in to the shop. They eagerly agreed. I told them that they must stay in their seats, and that they could read their books or play with their toys. They are both sticklers for rules, so I had every confidence that this is what would happen for the couple of minutes that I would be out of sight. So car alarm internal sensors deactivated, doors deadlocked and kids happy, that's what happened. And when I returned 2-3 minutes later, that's exactly how I found them, happily reading books to each other. Everything was fine, until some bloke came and angrily pulled open my door and started yelling at me. Now I KNOW that this is a controversial subject, and that lots of people would have condemned my actions as neglectful, but respectfully, that's their opinion, which isn't born out by facts or law. I'm a fairly thoughtful bloke, but I've got some quite strong opinions about this nanny state, risk averse society that is increasingly prevalent. I've already considered this whole issue, and I'm very aware that this is an issue that has been done to death on mumsnet, and I'm also aware that my opinion is against the majority opinion these days. Anyway, I digress. The bloke that opened my car door was aggressive and shouty. I didn't get a chance to put my thoughts about risks vs benefits, or the fact that more kids get run over and killed in busy car parks than get abducted from cars, or that it was my parenting decision and none of his business, I just told him to go away. He said he was going to call the police, I said be my guest, I'd done nothing illegal. I told him to go away again, he punched me. My kids were screaming in fear at this point. It was all a bit of a blur to be honest. Shortly afterwards I managed to get my door shut and drive away.

My problem is, I don't know what to do now. Normally it would obviously be to report it to the police, but to be honest, I can't be doing with all the hand wringing and questions asked about my parenting. I should imagine that there's quite a risk that the police would report me to social services at the very least, and I don't need the stree, even though I would wholeheartedly defend my decision making process. Plus, I have no idea of this blokes identity.

Should I just chalk it up to experience and try to forget about it? That's my current plan, but I'm always inclined to bury my head in the sand about stuff anyway, and it's not always the best course of action. The most distressing thing about the whole thing is that it's obviously deeply upset my boys, who keep asking about the 'horrible man.'

Thoughts?

OP posts:
SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 07/12/2014 15:51

If you are genuinely concerned about the safety of two small children you phone the Police. You do not punch their father.

No matter whether you were right or wrong to leave the DCs in the car, you were assaulted & should report it. Personally, I would leave DD in the car to pay to for petrol or nip in to the village Post Office etc., but unsure about a supermarket where I may get stuck in a queue for some time.

I'm really sorry this happened to you - and poor DCs for having to witness someone hit Daddy Sad.

Faultysingledad · 07/12/2014 15:55

See, that telegraph article is EXACTLY why I'm so reluctant to report it. He went through hell, only to eventually have the conviction overturned.

OP posts:
KirstyJC · 07/12/2014 15:55

I don't think it's too young if your kids are able to amuse themselves. I sometimes leave my 3yo in the car at school drop off if it's chucking it down - must be about 5 mins then at least. (Don't at pick up though as the other kids are always the last out and it could take 15 mins on a bad day).

Social services have more to worry about than a couple of boys behaving well in a car. Especially in cool weather and with a brake they can't take off. It could take longer than that to go an pay for petrol on a busy day and most people I know, including me, would never take their kids out with them across a busy forecourt to the shop.

I would report it tbh. There is likely to be CCTV and then you can tell your boys that the bad man has been reported and the police will sort it out. Hopefully that will reassure them a bit.

Are you injured? If so take some pics. I hope you and your boys feel better soon.

bobbyjoe · 07/12/2014 15:55

of course I wasn't there Sooty but it obviously wasn't 2-3 minutes unless he sprinted it. All I did was transfer how long it would take in my local supermarket and it would probably be more like 10 with queuing up. What's your problem with that? OP now says 5 minutes.

fluffling · 07/12/2014 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2014 15:58

He was there bobbyjoe You weren't. And he knows his children and appropriate judgement calls. You don't.

He asked whether he should report it, not for opinions on the action he took in the first place.

Nancy66 · 07/12/2014 15:59

They guy who was so concerned about your kids that the hit you probably beats his own kids (if he has them). violent people are violent people.

I think you should report it. I doubt the police will be concerned about you leaving your children in a locked vehicle for 2-3 minutes.

bobbyjoe · 07/12/2014 15:59

I wouldn't report it as you could be opening a can of worms. I don't think you did anything wrong, even though I probably wouldn't have as you didn't know it was going to take 5 minutes - it could have taken you longer as the queues could have increased since you left. Plus there is always the chance there is some sanctimonious jerk out there ready to pick a fight, which is where you got unlucky.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2014 15:59

Oh, and live near quite a few supermarkets where you could be in and out in 5 minutes or less.

SaucyJack · 07/12/2014 15:59

I shouldn't care what he thought of your parenting.

If he'd been a genuinely concerned onlooker who thought he had a valid point to make then he would have spoken to you in a reasonable manner.

Just another thug looking for a fight.

bobbyjoe · 07/12/2014 16:03

all I said Sooty is 2-3 minutes was unlikely. OP then admitted it was a bit longer. What on earth is your problem with that? It's not just me commenting on other stuff. Why don't you comment on their posts? I've already said I don't think he should report it.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2014 16:06

You actually said he didn't take 2-3 minutes but probably more like 10. Your post stood out for me with the implication that he was lying. If that's not the case of course I apologise.

And I still do think he should report it.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2014 16:08

Oh and I did criticise people for picking holes in the story prior to your first post bobbyjoe

Jennifersrabbit · 07/12/2014 16:08

Bizarre. I would prefer that my DH didn't leave kids of that age in the car alone even for a few minutes as they can be bloody unpredictable.

I would probably request he didn't do it again.

I would not find punching him to be a helpful contribution to the discussion.

I think whether to report or not is a difficult choice. Maybe sleep on it and see how kids are? It might be reassuring to them to know that punching their dad is well out of order and will be dealt with.

atoughyear · 07/12/2014 16:09

Fgs BobbyJoe you weren't there! How stupid to question the OP's account based on your experience of your own supermarket Hmm

flamingoland · 07/12/2014 16:10

How awful for you and your children. I really hope you are ok. x

bobbyjoe · 07/12/2014 16:11

How do we know whether he's lying or not? 2-3 minutes yes I'd say he was lying - not possible unless he sprinted, knocking a few minutes off to make it look better. Yes, I stand by more like probably 10 minutes although when he admitted 5 minutes then yes that is more feasible, certainly more plausible than 2 minutes. If only 2-3 minutes the thug would have noted that surely?

Why is it so hard for you to think that the OP might not have told the exact truth on the time to make it look better? So he was away for a short period of time but the length of time when leaving a toddler in a car does matter. I don't think I meant to accuse him of lying but bending the truth certainly- and I questioned it as 2 minutes is quite clearly impossible.

please run along sooty, you're getting a bit annoying now. You talk about the nit pickers but ffs what you doing with me?

LaurieFairyCake · 07/12/2014 16:13

If call the police.

And I don't think they will be remotely interested in you leaving them for 5 minutes in a locked car - it's completely legal to do and is up to the judgement of theparent - I do so and I also don't give a toss what others think and nor do I judge them for doing differently.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2014 16:14

I do apologise for annoying you but I'll post where I like thank you.

Sallystyle · 07/12/2014 16:16

You did nothing wrong OP. Nothing.

I would report it.

How are you and your children now? I hope you manage to have a nice evening still.

bobbyjoe · 07/12/2014 16:16

Yes, and so will I. And if I want to question the OP up on saying 2 minutes I will.

Sallystyle · 07/12/2014 16:17

WTF matters if he was 2-3 minutes, 5 or 10?

He was assaulted.

He made a parenting decision he felt comfortable with.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2014 16:17

Oh good. how useful to have that cleared up.

specialsubject · 07/12/2014 16:17

what Santa said - if anyone is concerned about kids, they phone the cops, they don't wade in all guns blazing and start beating up the parent.

what a horrible thing, OP. Hope you are ok.

ExitPursuedByABear · 07/12/2014 16:19

For crying out loud. At my local tesco I could pop in and do a self-checkout with one item in less than 2 minutes.

You did nothing wrong in leaving your boys in the car.

The other chap is a prize twat.

But I wouldn't bother reporting.