to be upset at not seeing baby

[Cadenza1818]

My sis gave birth 3 days ago and basically she doesn't want visitors for 2 weeks. I did the same with outsiders but she came to the hospital about 2hours after my section. I know everyones different but feel a bit hurt that I can't say a quick hi. I'd never stay long or expect tea. Families eh?!

Let me enlighten you on that, Simon. In our case, it was DH's idea, but one I strongly agreed with, especially as all of both our families live in a different country, and would be flying in for a minimum of several days and - in the case of our parents - were frail, elderly and needed collecting and looking after. In the event, my milk supply never came in, leading to weeks of attempts to stimulate it, express, use a SNS, see GPs and lactation consultants, I developed post-natal psychosis, and had a post-CS infection. Three weeks to try to get things on an even keel wasn't an hour too much.

But that's irrelevant. The assumption that a desire to be left alone with your child for a while is 'self-important' is amusing - why on earth wouldn't you feel that your own desire to be left in peace with your newborn trumps anyone else's desire to see the child? Is it an English thing to put your own needs last for fear of looking 'affected'? The baby will still be there in ten days or a fortnight.

If you say so More.

Well it's clearly different if family live overseas, but why you don't want grandma to meet her first grandchild or aunty to meet her niece or nephew is beyond me- unless you hate them of course- I get that.

sweet when I read your post about your parents having to beg to see their new grandchild, it does make me feel sad.

I have now revised my no visitors rule to exclude grandparents so they can come for short visits.

The power of mumsnet!

Sorry not the point of the thread op!

It's not about not wanting people to 'meet' the baby but just about being able to do what you want to do after you have had the baby without any pressure I think.

In the OP's case I would have turned down a visit from anyone 2 hours after a C section.

Oh goodness DH and I have just been talking about this very topic trying to decide on what to do. We were thinking an hours visit soon after birth then no visitors for two weeks. But I don't want to offend anyone, If I had already told my sister I would be worried this thread was about me...

Personally I can't imagine not having visitors. I was out of hospital 6 hours after dc2 and couldn't wait for people to come round and see him and admire him. I don't think yabu op.

I really don't see the harm in letting visitors come fir a bit to see the baby in visiting hours at hospital.

I can understand not wanting relatives at your house or staying .

But yes it is terribly precious behaviour.

Milk supply not coming in bean? My missis had similar problem. Luckily we managed to avoid 'lactation consultants'. I found this really good stuff at Boots. It's called 'formula.'

What sort of people go to visit a mum and her new baby and expect her to make them cups of tea?

Because they love you and are excited?! I've never met anyone in RL who did this and I wouldn't have myself (although after DS1's emergency section, I could have done with eating my toast and tea before 5 family members rocked up to recovery. I still had a catheter in.

I found the lactation consultant very helpful especially when Dd1 had been in SCBU and had been given bottles for the first week.

simon Your 22:27 post comes across as smug, patronising and fairly misguided. Just so you know.

I remember thinking you'd have to be terribly precious to restrict visitors before my first was born ... Then I saw my PIL (who are genuinely lovely people) raising their eyebrows when I was reluctant to shimmy up and make room for them on the sofa. The fact that it was agonising for me to sit upright on infected stitches (rather than reclining along the sofa, as I was doing) didn't seem to occur to anyone. Having been entirely open to visitors once I can certainly see why others might not fancy it.

Yes Sunday. No sleep, painful stitches and struggling to establish BF-who wouldn't want hoards of visitors eh?

I can think of nothing worse that people dropping in when I am in my pjs trying to work out how to feed my newborn - I see nothing wrong in asking for privacy until able to cope

Wow! There seem to be a lot of posters who reckon its reasonable that ANYONE should be entitled tell the mother and father of a newborn what they should do.

When did we give up our rights as parents to decide how and when others should visit our children? Or do those rights only kick in after some arbitrary period of time once mummy has stopped being irrational and daddy is not so defensive?

I say, let the mother and father decide between them how they want to introduce newborn to the rest of the world, and everyone else can get to fuck.

Believing you have an entitlement to see someone else's baby whenever the fuck you want is WAY out of order.

Ask, but if they say no, STFU about it. It's their fucking baby, not yours. That's a general statement, not a direct pop at OP. I'm sure she's doing the right thing.

Bean, it sounds like it would have been easier for you to have visitors in the early days, as things seemed to go from bad to worse in your situation. We're you able to keep people away for months in the end then?
I think it is very important for a baby (and new parents) to experience love and excitement from a wider range of people.

I couldn't wait to show mine off. As long as people were suitably dazzled by their beauty I was happy. Mind you I didn't make tea for them and none of them ever stayed long.

I did this with my first and had to phone up my MIL and beg her to come and see me after 2 days, I was so bored.

It's fine to say that you want time to bond, but bringing a new little family member into the world should be celebrated and I am mortified that I tried to stop my family celebrating with me.

Is this a reverse by any chance? Just wondering.

Isn't it a completely individual choice for the parents to make? Bottom line it's about two new parents and a newborn with more important things they need to do in those first few days than meet the wants of wider family who really want to enjoy getting to see and cuddle the tiny baby.

I agree with wouldn't it be good if people would drop in for ten minutes and then go... but as evidenced by many posters on MN and me with my own family, many people won't show that consideration once they've arrived. Ten minutes becomes two hours, becomes exhausted and upset new mum trying to feed and sit upright on awful stitches and people wanting to be fed and reluctant to relinquish gorgeously squishy newborn because they're having too much fun.

Surely the people that love those parents have their best interests at heart, including supporting their wishes, more than they want to get in the door and be included?

I think it is very important for a baby (and new parents) to experience love and excitement from a wider range of people.

The baby at 2 days old isn't actually experiencing the 'love and excitement' though is it? I did not want a 'wider range of people' in my house either.

It was my DH suggestion too.
Nothing about being sof important more to do with the fact we lost DS and then DD in pregnancy so having this baby is going to be very emotionally overwhelming for us we would like the privacy to deal with it and just enjoy it.

Self important