Attempted rape at university (sensitive)

[CanadianPacific]

Due to the very sensitive nature of this post I have name-changed (sorry) but I really need to chat this through. I'm not sure whether AIBU is actually the right place for this either but I am hoping for traffic.

My daughter is in her first year at a London University. She is in uni accommodation with 100's of others (all split between several buildings on same campus).

On her floor there are approx. 18 students with a male/female split.

They all seem like a very friendly and sociable bunch with no real issues until recently.

One of the male students has become more and more aggressive towards the female students and there have been a lot of misogynistic comments etc. A few of the female students have said that they feel very uncomfortable around him and some of the male students have approached him about his behaviour.

Over the past few weeks however, things have escalated. He accompanied one girl back to her room and attempted to rape her. She managed to defend herself and get him off and he left.

Other girls have reported that he would try to escort them back to their rooms and he seemed to pick out those that had been drinking heavily.

When challenged, he became very aggressive.

This has now been reported to the college and they seem to have acted very quickly. All of the students involved were asked to provide written statements (including my DD and several male students who have witnessed some of his behaviour).

He has been spoken to by the staff and tomorrow he will be moved out of this accommodation into a nearby block (on the same campus).

The girl who he attempted to rape has received a lot of support but has been told by the college that if she reports the attempted rape to the police and he is subsequently found 'not guilty' (which is likely as it's her word against his) then she could find herself expelled from the university.

So she has decided not to report it

I'm sure that the college have/are doing all they can but I feel so uneasy about this.

I think it's appalling that she is being threatened with expulsion.

He is now going to be moved into a new accommodation block with female students who no doubt, will be unaware of his reputation.

My DD and the other female students do not feel safe

I'm not really sure what I am asking here, I just feel very uncomfortable with the outcome but genuinely don't know what else the college can do.

Given the number of people who have reported his behaviour, don't they have enough to expel him and deport him back to his home country?

Your calm and reasoned thoughts please x

I too have read this thread with horror, particularly as I have a Uni age DD.

To me as an outsider it sounds very much like shit handling of the situation by the home wardens, and I would bet my bottom dollar that it would be different if reported higher up.

It really has to be reported to the Dean or Vice Dean, even if specifics are not shared, to prevent this happening again & get the accommodation team some re-training in handling sensitive issues.

So difficult, I hope the girl in question and your DD & friends are OK.

Hi everyone, massive apologies for delay in getting back and updating this thread.

I have spoken to the head of Student Services and they have been brilliant. They have confirmed that the advice given (re consequences of reporting to police) are NOT the official views of the University and they are investigating the accommodation department that issued this advice (my daughter received written confirmation from an accommodation warden confirming that they held this view) so this is all being investigated now.

The male student has been moved, we don't know where though but the Uni are now aware of his 'history'. Not sure what is happening there though.

The girls are all being supported and the girl in question now has the support of her family and I believe is/has reported to police.

The Uni are going to issue messages to all students reminding them of the support available and pointing them in the direction of the correct channels.

I'm very pleased that something is being done but I'm appalled that the accommodation team tried to deal with this themselves and handled it so badly!

Oh well done OP & daughter!

Best possible outcome, the main victim has support and all the others too AND they see that their concerns are being taken more seriously and appropriately, PLUS you've highlighted the appalling attitude of the accomodations team.

I suspect the Uni are as horrified as we all were & there is much scurrying behind the scenes to distance themselves from the fallout and hopefully sackings/appropriate re-training will ensue.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and your DD can put this behind her.x

The College should be quickly and strongly made aware that not guilty verdict does not equal a false accusation. They are confusing two entirely different things.

The police may also view this as interfering with or intimidating a witness, so it may be worth contacting them.

Am late to the thread.

What a horrible situation to be in. Yes - the accommodation team and warden really messed this up. It's almost like they wanted to keep it low key and sweep it under the carpet. May I ask if it's actually univeristy owned op accomodation, a private company running on behalf of the univeristy or is halls run for the entire college set of the university? It might explain why the team were so crap and made a situation worse.

One thing Mr CSI has picked up on though was that they did take written reports of the students behaviour. Usually university's have an aggressive behaviour policy which are usually easily to google. If a student has itimadated or acted in an aggressive manner that has made another student or more fear for their safety, they can be de-enrolled and kicked out of univeristy. This is also something the university can look into whilst the police are investigating, however they might hold off until the police decide action, eg, police prosecute, they'll kick him out at the end of police action. Even if the police can't take it any further due to time lapse, the university can still kick him out for aggressive behaviour.

Hope your daughter and her friends are doing okay given what they've been through x

Really pleased to read your update OP, very reassuring.

It's frightening that such misguided people can get a job where they give people advice. Anyway, it's great that more sensible staff are involved now and the outcome is much more satisfactory. Best wishes to your daughter and her friend.

Also the fact that the accommodation staff put their threat in writing makes me think they are just misguided, ill informed idiots rather than deliberately malicious idiots trying to frighten victims. Which may be a tiny silver lining, there is hope that they can be educated. It should be a compulsory part of their training.

Absolutely wonderful, well done op and your dd. Yes I think tge accommodation office are ill informed and inexperienced. I am so glad your dd friend has reported it to the Police. When you are at uni you don't know the background of these people, and they throw you in a flat together!

CSI It is University owned halls

I forgot to thank you all in my earlier post for your advice and support and especially to those of you who pm'd me with contacts and support.

Thank you

I was a student at uni, I went to open the lift to my student halls, as the lift door opened there was a baseball bat welding man in it, I was so scared I quickly pressed the door close button.

Wonderful news and it confirmed my suspicions of rogue induhviduals in need of urgent training on this issue. So pleased the girls are getting the right support.

Glad that the University has stepped in and the girls are getting the help and support that they need.

This makes me so angry - our rape culture at work!

I am glad the university are taking it seriously at last, but the accommodation team need seriously taking to task, and some major (re)training.

I actually think someone needs to go to the press with this and create a real stink. This young man should not just be quietly moved on to another set of young women to harass/attack, he should be kicked off his course and sent home by the university. Just the harassment should have been enough to ensure that, never mind attempted rape! I do hope your daughter's friend decides to take it to the police as well.

I am so sorry your daughter and her friend are going through this, I do hope it gets sorted out very soon.

Thanks for the update, OP. It is good to hear that appropriate action has been taken and that the official views of the university are quite different from what was originally thought.

Good that everyone is getting the support they need, especially the girls. I hope someone is able to get through to the male student as well, otherwise it is likely that he is going to go on harrassing new women for some time to come.

aaaaaaand - what kind of liberal crap is it that the only accommodation is mixed? Why do they pretend that this is what all 18-year-olds would want? There should be the option of single sex halls for the sake of both women and men. There's no way I'd want to be living in a mixed place when I'd just left home and was learning how to be independent, surrounded by men who have been brought up on today's rape culture. Sleeping one door away!
.

pamish as I recall back in the 80s when I went to university and single sex accommodation was fairly common, studies suggested that sexual assaults were dispropportionally more likely to ahppen in single sex accomodation than mixed sex accommodation.