Attempted rape at university (sensitive)

[CanadianPacific]

Due to the very sensitive nature of this post I have name-changed (sorry) but I really need to chat this through. I'm not sure whether AIBU is actually the right place for this either but I am hoping for traffic.

My daughter is in her first year at a London University. She is in uni accommodation with 100's of others (all split between several buildings on same campus).

On her floor there are approx. 18 students with a male/female split.

They all seem like a very friendly and sociable bunch with no real issues until recently.

One of the male students has become more and more aggressive towards the female students and there have been a lot of misogynistic comments etc. A few of the female students have said that they feel very uncomfortable around him and some of the male students have approached him about his behaviour.

Over the past few weeks however, things have escalated. He accompanied one girl back to her room and attempted to rape her. She managed to defend herself and get him off and he left.

Other girls have reported that he would try to escort them back to their rooms and he seemed to pick out those that had been drinking heavily.

When challenged, he became very aggressive.

This has now been reported to the college and they seem to have acted very quickly. All of the students involved were asked to provide written statements (including my DD and several male students who have witnessed some of his behaviour).

He has been spoken to by the staff and tomorrow he will be moved out of this accommodation into a nearby block (on the same campus).

The girl who he attempted to rape has received a lot of support but has been told by the college that if she reports the attempted rape to the police and he is subsequently found 'not guilty' (which is likely as it's her word against his) then she could find herself expelled from the university.

So she has decided not to report it

I'm sure that the college have/are doing all they can but I feel so uneasy about this.

I think it's appalling that she is being threatened with expulsion.

He is now going to be moved into a new accommodation block with female students who no doubt, will be unaware of his reputation.

My DD and the other female students do not feel safe

I'm not really sure what I am asking here, I just feel very uncomfortable with the outcome but genuinely don't know what else the college can do.

Given the number of people who have reported his behaviour, don't they have enough to expel him and deport him back to his home country?

Your calm and reasoned thoughts please x

Op your poor dd. shocked. Agree with others needs reporting to the police.

Oh goodness OP, I am shocked to hear your update. That warden is acting well outside of their powers and needs to be stopped.

As well as reporting this to police, it needs to be taken further very high up the chain at the university.

I have no useful experience or advice to offer but this has really shocked me and it's atrocious that an incident like this has been labelled as 'cultural differences' by the people who are meant to be responsible for student safety. It's pretty clear that moving him will only lead to him attacking someone else at a later point and the accommodation team are putting many people in danger.

I don't think they believe what they are saying at all and are deliberately playing down this incident and brushing it under the carpet because of ulterior motives, which makes it even more disgusting. Their comments about the girl involved potentially being expelled seems like a threat and a way to prevent any outside organisations being involved.

This is appalling.

And the "cultural differences" is bullshit and they know it. I went to university in France and it was not considered acceptable for male students to sexually assault and harass me or other females. If he has previous form for this and has been punished he obviously knows it is wrong. He is very dangerous.

I am very very saddened that there are rape apologist, victim blaming people in pastoral care positions at a university, this is very very dangerous and leaving vulnerable people exposed. If the girls are reading this, please be assured that it is not your fault and there are people who will support you, you just need to find them.

Hi CP, did you get my PMs?

She is gently being encouraged to take this to the police but she is understandably very scared and confused. She doesn't seem to be handling this at all well (unsurprisingly)

My DD is with her know and they are chatting (they are hiding out in the laundry room for somewhere private to chat).

It seems that this girl has not told her parents yet but she is going home for a few days so I'm hoping she will feel able to broach it with them.

It has to be the students decision to report this to the police I think. I have offered to travel to London and be there if my DD would like someone with her. I'm as far away from London as it's possible to be (at least 8 hour drive) but we can plan ahead.

Hello bluestocking and kateegee I have received your pm's (and hopefully replied?) and we are just going through everything now.

Thank you so much for all your support and information, we will be following it all up so thank you

The next step is to take this much much higher, I only hope that they do the right thing here otherwise I don't think I'll have any choice but to name and shame.

I have read this thread in disbelief.

I simply cannot comprehend why the university have taken the stance they have [well the "high fee paying overseas student" does go some way to explaining things but still]

My advice - and I am livid - would be to go in guns blazing and blow this who thing wide open.

Why has it not been reported to anyone higher up at the university?

This is not some misunderstanding, this is a dangerous sexual predator who has previous form and someone needs to kick up an almighty fuss.

I am so angry the poor girl has already effectively been warned off going to the Police, despite there being a lot of evidence to support the guilt of this man?

Sorry, I know vicarious anger isn't going to do much good but I really, really think this guy needs to be punished.

Just seen your latest update Canadian!

Good luck to the girls and make sure they know they have a whole army of people behind them.

X

If that is how he thinks, he is going to do it again and again.

I would firstly go to a different place in the university. The accomodation wardens are not the right people to deal with this, they do things like fine students who smoke in the rooms or have a party, they are not equipped to deal with sexual harassment and student protection/safety cases and they are making an utter hash of it. I would go to, depending on the structure of the university, to someone like the Head of Student Support or I would send this to our Associate Director of College as this person deals with all this kind of stuff.

Students and parents often don't know the management structure of the uni (why would they?) but the academics aren't the ones you want you need to go to the management team responsible for students/ug programmes.

I would email them a very brief outline and explain your ongoing concerns a) that a female student has been advised not to pursue a case of harassment by wardens b) that the student has been given a choice of moving but is still in the block and c) that the ongoing protection of students is not being ensured.

I would also consider the police, but the key issue here is to escalate up the chain, these email addresses are all online, it is a question of looking them up and then calling/emailing these people very assertively saying you are looking for immediate assurances about the safety of your child and that you are very concerned about this given the poor handling by wardens.

They will act, and very differently than the wardens, once they know about it. The University will absolutely not want this badly handled or to endanger their students- on a very pragmatic level, this would be terrible for their reputation and in general, we do want our students safe and happy.

I posted a long message and lost it. Thinking of you and the girls involved. Hoping that they feel less alone in this situation with the messages of support on the thread and some RL support if poss.
Hoping for reassuring news for you all soon very soon. Take care.

Sorry, crossed over your update, sounds like you have got good advice, go higher and be loud, they honestly will want to ensure the safety of their female (or indeed male if this man is aggressive) students and shifting him to another block isn't going to work.

Exactly Yonic. He will one day choose to not move blocks, he is happy harassing the students he is currently with thanks very much. And because they have already set a precedent with their inaction, and excused his behaviour, he will think it's fine, and the female students will have to continue to live in fear and have no support if they speak out.

They have ample grounds to kick him out of halls, if not out of the uni altogether. I don't understand why they aren't doing this.

What a horrible situation for this young woman to find herself in.

they can look at other parents and say "Nope! No rapes or sexual assault in our dorms".

Actually, as a prospective parent, I would prefer to know that such incidents are taken seriously and dealt with properly, including being reported to the police if a crime was committed.

As a parent, I would like to know that crimes of assault are taken seriously and dealt with with as much help as possible being given to the victim. I don't want them to be covered up, as seems to be happening here.

Aeroflot - I totally agree, this is a matter for the police and the poor girl should never have been threatened with potential expulsion for reporting it if charges are not brought. I would see if student services can offer support and help represent the girl in demanding clarification on the university's stance from higher-up university officials. Hell I'd be demanding a meeting with the head of the university. Telling a victim that she may be charged for reporting the crime against her, is clearly a threat, not a neutral statement.

If this student has previous form for doing the same thing at a previous university (which the OP has referred to without details) then this current university should be feeling very nervous as they have presumably admitted him with this knowledge. It seems like this guy keeps getting second and third chances whilst the poor female he assaulted is not very subtly threatened with prosecution!

Your DD's friend should:
Go to the Student Union. They all have Welfare Officers.
Speak to her personal tutor in her Department
Speak to the University's Student Services, again they'll have a Student Welfare section.

There is no way any of these people would threaten a young woman in the position described by the OP with expulsion (at any decent university, anyway).

French students will not be paying any more than indigenous students so it can't be fee related. I think the poor girl should contact Student Welfare/Student Experience staff to get a clear view. I work in a University and the student experience is PARAMOUNT to almost everything we do. I find it exceedingly hard to believe that the view expressed in the OP is the official view of the University - it's the absolute polar opposite of everything I have ever experienced in any University.

I find it exceedingly hard to believe that the view expressed in the OP is the official view of the University - it's the absolute polar opposite of everything I have ever experienced in any University

Exactly. I suspect it's someone very low down in the hierarchy, who is not properly trained to deal with these kinds of matters. And that maybe they've seen or read something about young women being sued in the civil courts for making "false" allegations of rape.

More rape myths.

So sorry for the young woman in this situation: she could also talk to Rape Crisis. But the student union, and the University's Student Services (2 different organisations usually) will be very supportive.

I would also suggest that you don't wait for this probably very stressed poor student to decide what to do- that is up to her, as she may not want to go to the police, for example, but to raise issues about your own dd's safety or rather for your dd to raise these with her personal tutor, but higher up than that, through the management of the university- I would start with Student Support but others could also be involved. Your dd is at risk herself by him continuing to be in her block and it is perfectly legitimate to raise this as an issue while continuing to support the student who was traumatised.

It may not be typical of a British uni - I certainly hope not! but this type of thing does go on at American universities which have a rape culture; there was a recent thread on it with a link to an investigative report by Rolling Stones magazine.

Having read the Rolling Stones feature about girls' experiences at the University of Virginia, I can well believe that this is going on at a British uni.

It is utterly despicable. The girl needs to go straight to the police. Then she can go to the very top of the university. The other girls also have a strong case as their safety is being deliberately neglected.

johncusackswife It seems to be the opinion of the accommodation team but I sincerely hope it's not the official view of xxxx{edited by mnhq}

Unfortunately this girl and my daughter now seem reluctant to take this further - I want to contact them myself but don't want make things harder for them .

I'm also concerned that the students will get into even more trouble if a parents contacts them although I'm probably over thinking this. Surely that wouldn't be the case - would it?

Shit - I don't know what to do now .

Up tge chimney attempted rape, harassing, Police it's a crime.

I am not much older than your DD. We had wardens too, at my uni they were just students - is this the case ?

Regardless this is completely fucking unacceptable and the girl in question along with the others should speak to the police. And take it up with e university. I'm not sure who to contact but I would be kicking up a huge fuss. I know it's easier said than done and I am very...assertive shall we say and I know not everyone is.

I'd be tempted to take it as high up as I could. Maybe the Dean. And I'd be threatening to go the the press as well.

This is why women don't report rapes. It's so awful she is being treated like this. I am beyond angry for her.