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Original poster

Attempted rape at university (sensitive)

191 replies

CanadianPacific · 03/12/2014 20:31

Due to the very sensitive nature of this post I have name-changed (sorry) but I really need to chat this through. I'm not sure whether AIBU is actually the right place for this either but I am hoping for traffic.

My daughter is in her first year at a London University. She is in uni accommodation with 100's of others (all split between several buildings on same campus).

On her floor there are approx. 18 students with a male/female split.

They all seem like a very friendly and sociable bunch with no real issues until recently.

One of the male students has become more and more aggressive towards the female students and there have been a lot of misogynistic comments etc. A few of the female students have said that they feel very uncomfortable around him and some of the male students have approached him about his behaviour.

Over the past few weeks however, things have escalated. He accompanied one girl back to her room and attempted to rape her. She managed to defend herself and get him off and he left.

Other girls have reported that he would try to escort them back to their rooms and he seemed to pick out those that had been drinking heavily.

When challenged, he became very aggressive.

This has now been reported to the college and they seem to have acted very quickly. All of the students involved were asked to provide written statements (including my DD and several male students who have witnessed some of his behaviour).

He has been spoken to by the staff and tomorrow he will be moved out of this accommodation into a nearby block (on the same campus).

The girl who he attempted to rape has received a lot of support but has been told by the college that if she reports the attempted rape to the police and he is subsequently found 'not guilty' (which is likely as it's her word against his) then she could find herself expelled from the university.

So she has decided not to report it Sad

I'm sure that the college have/are doing all they can but I feel so uneasy about this.

I think it's appalling that she is being threatened with expulsion.

He is now going to be moved into a new accommodation block with female students who no doubt, will be unaware of his reputation.

My DD and the other female students do not feel safe Sad

I'm not really sure what I am asking here, I just feel very uncomfortable with the outcome but genuinely don't know what else the college can do.

Given the number of people who have reported his behaviour, don't they have enough to expel him and deport him back to his home country?

Your calm and reasoned thoughts please x

OP posts:
SlimJiminy · 04/12/2014 16:57

I really hope these girls contact the police now. They can't take action to prevent the same thing - or worse - happening to anyone else until this has been reported and they have all the facts. It doesn't even sound like he tries to deny what he's doing - so will most likely drop himself in the shit if interviewed by the police. This is not a matter for the university's accommodation people to 'sort out' FFS! What the hell are they playing at?!

KateeGee · 04/12/2014 16:58

They won't get into more trouble if you contact them, but there might be a very limited amount that you can do - as they are all adults you don't have that much clout as a parent.

Wishtoremainunknown subwardens are often students, wardens can be students (usually PhD at least) or staff, either admin or academic. Either way, wardens/subwardens should not be peddling this shit so it needs to be stopped, to protect the victims, to protect future victims and to reassure the girls that they most certainly are not the ones in the wrong.

Wishtoremainunknown · 04/12/2014 16:58

Did you just name the university OP ? I think you may have.

If I were you I would be contacting the university on behalf of my DD. Someone very high up.

Wishtoremainunknown · 04/12/2014 16:59

Is trying to pressure someone into not reporting a crime any kind of offence by the way ?

Wishtoremainunknown · 04/12/2014 17:00

Absolutely kate I just wondered if it was a student it might at least explain the utter bollocks they are coming out with rather than a trained professional.

Wishtoremainunknown · 04/12/2014 17:01

Absolutely kate I just wondered if it was a student it might at least explain the utter bollocks they are coming out with rather than a trained professional.

KateeGee · 04/12/2014 17:02

If you contact them, it should be with the girls. They probably won't have anything to do with you if you contact them of your own accord. But by all means go along to support them if you can get a meeting.

It's really hard for them I know, but I don't think they should let it lie and feel like they are the ones in the wrong

KateeGee · 04/12/2014 17:04

Yes Wishtoremain... you might be right, particularly if it is a sub-warden. But if it is, they should not be in a sub-warden post, they don't have a clue what they are doing. There are privileges (no rent to pay etc) to being a warden/sub, as well as responsibilities. At the very least, the uni needs to look at their training for wardens and subs, because it seems to be woefully inadequate at the moment.

SlimJiminy · 04/12/2014 17:09

Do you think they'd be more inclined to contact the police if you reminded them that his next offence could be rape - of them or a fellow student? Does it need to go that far before they feel like it's serious enough to report? I think that in your DD's shoes, that prospect would probably drive me to take this to the police even if I didn't particularly like the idea of 'making a fuss'. The people these girls have spoken to so far have made them feel silly, but the police would definitely take an allegation of this nature very seriously. It's just so worrying that he'll need to actually rape some poor girl before anyone within the university will take this seriously.

fromparistoberlin73 · 04/12/2014 17:14

fucking hell OP

thats awful they have threatended her. all I can they is that someone needs to kick up a fiss as thats disgraceful

petition
papers?

I dont think this should be allowed

or she calls their bluff, reports him and gets her own back up- but a masive legal issue

UGH

Bluestocking · 04/12/2014 17:18

Hi OP - as a PP said, there's nothing to stop you contacting the appropriate official at the university, but because your daughter is an adult they'd be very restricted in what they can say to you, because of Data Protection law. There may be a way that your daughter can confirm that she's happy for them to discuss this with you but in a case of this kind they might prefer not to run the risk.

I cannot stress strongly enough, though, that if this series of events is not reported to the appropriate authorities, then there will be nothing they can do to protect either these female students or others who may come into contact with the male student in future. They can't act formally on the basis of partial information that has been disclosed to accommodation staff.

JohnCusacksWife · 04/12/2014 17:24

I obviously can't speak for another institution but I know that our Student Experience director would be horrified to think that this kind of "advice" was being given to students. And I can categorically say that no student would ever be expelled from a British university for legitimately reporting an attempted rape. If I was you I'd be picking up the phone and asking to speak to the Director/Head of Student Experience (not the Students Union) who will be part of the management structure of the University. They'll be on it like a shot.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/12/2014 17:29

I agree, I would go to the top of uni and the police. President, Vice President office, Welfare officer.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/12/2014 17:31

Some great advice, yes follow johncusak advice to contact people up the heirarchy. Encourage your dd to do so and her friend. This person sounds very dangerous and needs to stopped.

UptheChimney · 04/12/2014 17:36

At my place, too, JohnCusacksWife. I also wondered whether the wardens giving such crap advice might simply be graduate students.

Although wasn't there a case at a British university where a young man, accused of rape, then turned round & sued the alleged victim. She committed suicide. Just awful all round, and part of the rape culture we all deal with daily.

I hope your DD and her friend get proper help, OP You did actually inadvertently id the university, and it's one I know from colleagues, who would be appalled at the treatment of the young woman. AFAIK, they have good pastoral care there.

SixToesLeft · 04/12/2014 17:42

I realise that you might be reluctant to step in as your DD is at uni and technically a grown up, but I think this is when you hVe to step up and contact the uni.

Imagine she was your friend, but really inexperienced and a bit clueless. You would be telling her to contact those higher up, and offering to come to meetings with her.

Your Dd, who sounds lovely, just needs your help. I'm afraid that I know from bitter experience that 20 year olds need help with this kind of crap.

You sound like a great Mum, too btw

3humpedcamel · 04/12/2014 17:55
  1. Report what happened to the police. At least then they will be aware of the man.
  2. Bring a complaint under the Students' Complaints Procedure over how the accommodation people are handling this. This will get the issue before the eyes of different staff at the University. NB French students pay the same as English students. Only non-EU students pay higher fees.
Original poster
CanadianPacific · 04/12/2014 17:55

I'm not sure where I have identified the Uni, I really hope not.

How do I get my post deleted?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 04/12/2014 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CanadianPacific · 04/12/2014 17:57

Ok have just contacted MNHQ - gah!

OP posts:
AllMimsyWereTheBorogoves · 04/12/2014 18:03

Aeroflotgirl, what you've just said is factually wrong so I've reported your post and asked for it to be removed.

OfaFrenchMind · 04/12/2014 18:03

This needs publicity. A lot of it.
The cowardice of the University is appalling, and the "cultural difference" drives me nuts. The only acceptable cultural difference the French have with British people is food, certain light aspects of child rearing, the incredible ability British girls have to withstand cold and the European Union (well, there are more, but....). Not groping and using girls against their will.
They do victim blaming, you can do Uni Shaming.

AllMimsyWereTheBorogoves · 04/12/2014 18:05

OP, I know this may seem a silly question but are you sure that your daughter and her friend are in accommodation run and managed by her institution? I know many universities now have arrangements with private providers. I don't think this would make any difference to the university's response as the male student has undoubtedly broken the code of conduct for students or whatever it's called at this university. However, it might mean that the channels of communication are not as clear as they might be.

AllMimsyWereTheBorogoves · 04/12/2014 18:07

Could we just give the university a chance to respond first? As has been said numerous times on this thread now, it does look very much as if some very junior and ill-trained/briefed staff have tried to contain a situation which I think more senior people would have handled very differently.

MNHQ
TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet · 04/12/2014 18:11

hi there
We have removed a post to prevent identification at this stage
Thanks
MNQH