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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - how little partner pays towards dc

241 replies

Bunnystopper · 02/12/2014 22:37

I have a 4 month old dc with my partner, I also have an older dc that has no contact with her dad and I have raised/supported single handed!

Myself and bf do not live together, but he stays at my place half the week, he does not contribute to my household but whilst here eats, uses gas/elec/water etc!

Since our dc has been born he has given me no money towards her upkeep, he has brought most but not all of her formula and 4 packs of nappies, I have brought all our dc Xmas presents except one toy for £6 that he brought.

My income has gone down (SMP) and my bills habe gone up because I'm home most the time during the day so spending more heating/electric ect!

AIBU to think that this is a little unfair and that instead of making a huge deal out of 1 box of formula he buys when we are out shopping he should be giving me a little something weekly/monthly towards the upkeep of our dc do I don't have to feel like I'm having to ask him to please buy milk?

OP posts:
Vitalstatistix · 05/12/2014 14:40

He really should be paying half of the costs of his child and that includes a portion of the home the child lives in, the heat and light, etc. A couple of packs of nappies and a bit of tat is a bloody insult.

And he should certainly pay his own way in terms of food and so on.

He has it made with you, doesn't he? All the perks and none of the responsibilities.

Don't be a mug, make him pay his share. It's only fair.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 05/12/2014 14:41

Woowoo are you suggesting that if men are not aloud to abdicate responsibility towards a living born child then women should not be aloud to abort a unborn child?

Darkesteyes · 05/12/2014 14:41

MY BODY MY CHOICE MY BODY MY CHOICE MY BODY MY CHOICE!

Number3cometome · 05/12/2014 14:42

Darkesteyes It's my choice, I don't need his money. It's not meant to come across as superior, but sorry if it hits a nerve.

Number3cometome · 05/12/2014 14:43

Number 3 Im very pro choice. I believe in abortion on demand. The fact that you dont and yet hold the views you do........that is misogyny.

No, it just means I am not about to have sex with someone I don't want to risk having a baby with.

It's called being an adult.

Darkesteyes · 05/12/2014 14:43

This thread is proof that you dont have to be male to be a misogynist.

Darkesteyes · 05/12/2014 14:44

Why would it hit a nerve Number 3 I dont have DC.

WooWooOwl · 05/12/2014 14:45

Woowoo are you suggesting that if men are not aloud to abdicate responsibility towards a living born child then women should not be aloud to abort a unborn child?

No, I'm not.

Women should be allowed to choose, but they should also a cote that with choice comes responsibility. So if they know they are pregnant by a man who wants nothing to do with the baby, then they should choose between doing it alone (including by not relying on the state) or not doing it all.

You can shout my body my choice all you like, but I think my bank balance should be my choice too.

Number3cometome · 05/12/2014 14:46

Darkesteyes Why would you accuse me of thinking I am superior?

I have a very good job, I don't need his money and neither do my children.

Sorry for being successful. I would have thought a feminist like yourself would appreciate a strong woman.

Or are you just here to insult and throw words like 'misogynist'?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 05/12/2014 14:47

I haven't shouted anything thanks very much.

WooWooOwl · 05/12/2014 14:48

I didn't aim that part of my post at you.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 05/12/2014 14:49

Women should be allowed to choose, but they should also a cote that with choice comes responsibility. So if they know they are pregnant by a man who wants nothing to do with the baby, then they should choose between doing it alone (including by not relying on the state) or not doing it all

How is that equality. Equality would be both the mum and dad being equally responsible and liable towards a live born child

You can shout my body my choice all you like, but I think my bank balance should be my choice too

I'm guessing that it is quite a good thing that you are not a man who has sex with different women then.

Darkesteyes · 05/12/2014 14:54

Ok Woo Woo and others. Ive NEVER wanted a child and i have asked several times to be sterilised and been refused.
Surely if bank balances and taxes were the most important thing society would be bending over backwards to sterilise women like me who dont want kids,
But no it is fucking near impossible to get this procedure done unless you already have DC. Think of the Child Benefit etc this would save Woo Woo.

And before you start about taking contraception ive put a link into this thread about the failure rates when you have been on contraception long term. In fact this is what happened to the OP. Think of the money this would save Woo Woo if more women like me were given access to this procedure. Im appealing to your wallet/purse because that is obviously the most important thing to you.

Women are seen as breeders FACT! But pro lifers are against women having this procedure too even though there is no feotus involved. Because pro lifers HATE women.

WooWooOwl · 05/12/2014 14:55

How is that equality. Equality would be both the mum and dad being equally responsible and liable towards a live born child

Yes, and that is what should happen, no state involvement. But it isn't, because the state allows women to have free abortions and the state will completely financially support women while their children are young at the same time as chasing men who given the choice that women have in whether they become parents or not, would have chosen not to.

It could be significantly more equal if both parents had to fully support children who are unplanned or if neither did, but at the moment we have a situation where what's ok for one is not good enough for the other, and I just happen to disagree with that.

Darkesteyes · 05/12/2014 14:56

Number 3 most feminists are pro choice You are not!

WooWooOwl · 05/12/2014 14:58

Darkest, you already have access to free contraception, if you use more than one method properly, the chances of you becoming pregnant are very small. And if you did end up pregnant, you could have an abortion. You're fine, no one is going to make you become a parent if you don't want to be no matter how much unprotected sex you have.

Shame we can't say the same about the other half of the population.

And you know, if you really want to be sterilised, you could pay for it yourself. Shock

Fairywhitebear · 05/12/2014 14:58

Wow. He sounds a right catch. Great plan to have a child with him.

How/why are you in a relationship exactly? What do you get out of it? Hmm

NeedsAsockamnesty · 05/12/2014 14:59

It wouldn't happen woowoo what your idea means is only one parent being responsible and liable for a live born child.

Number3cometome · 05/12/2014 14:59

Darkesteyes Number 3 most feminists are pro choice You are not!

Erm I've already stated I went with my friend to have an abortion.

I said I wouldn't do it myself, I would have the child and raise myself without asking for money.

What part of that did you misunderstand?

Darkesteyes · 05/12/2014 15:00

I cant afford to Woo Woo. What im saving on Child Benefit by not having a child should more than cover the cost!

formerbabe · 05/12/2014 15:00

Woowoo....the whole point of maintenance is that it is there for the children. The fathers feeling towards the pregnancy are irrelevant. Maintenance is not there to punish men and reward women...the adults feelings don't particularly matter. Children need shelter, food, clothing, heating etc.

How can you support children not receiving financial help from their father as a punishment for the mother not having an abortion because that is what your argument seems to boil down to?!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 05/12/2014 15:00

Ohhhhhh I get it not. Your master plan only applies to mothers who are out of work or on low incomes or in receipt of CB

Darkesteyes · 05/12/2014 15:01

Ive never had unprotected sex Woo Woo. Another assumption there. You really hate women dont you.

Darkesteyes · 05/12/2014 15:02

Yep Sock I reckon you have nailed it there. Thats bang on i reckon.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 05/12/2014 15:03

Dark you would struggle even if you had the cash. Its not often considered a responsible operation to perform on young women without children unless it would be dangerous to go through pregnancy/birth.

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