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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this rude or am I expecting too much from people?

101 replies

LennyCrabsticks · 02/12/2014 07:39

BIL came round to see dh last night. He stuck his head in the living room to say hello and asked what I was watching, then said, blimey, that's a big telly.

I started to tell him about it (it's new and I'm a bit excited about it) and he said that he couldn't see any difference between that and his telly and that they didn't even have a flat screen and that we obviously like spending money and he's never understood people buying huge loud tellies for their home.

I wasn't expecting him to fawn all over it fgs but he brought it up and then shat all over it.

I have other issues with DH's family and what I perceive as rudeness towards me but I keep being told it's me being over sensitive. This one has pissed me off so I'm asking the MN jury.

Aibu to think you don't walk into someone's house and slag off their stuff?

OP posts:
Timeforabiscuit · 02/12/2014 07:43

He sounds obnoxious, blunt and self important.

But - when you're in a bind, is he one of the people who would actually come down and help out rather than ineffectually fizz around?

musicalendorphins2 · 02/12/2014 07:47

He was rude.

Original poster
LennyCrabsticks · 02/12/2014 07:47

Hmm. Not really. One of my other issues with DH's family is that they aren't the helping out sort. Not that we ever ask for help but they never put themselves out for each other.

Dh used to get a lift to work with him along the same route and was charged far over the odds for petrol money for example. It was supposed to be a cost saving/car sharing thing and cost us far more than it would otherwise have done. I never noticed until it stopped and dh started driving himself.

OP posts:
Original poster
LennyCrabsticks · 02/12/2014 07:47

Dh said he wasn't being rude, just honest.

I subscribe to the 'if you can't find anything nice to say, shut your fucking mouth' school of manners...

OP posts:
Humansatnav · 02/12/2014 07:49

Your dh is wrong, his brother is rude.

NoLongerJustAShopGirl · 02/12/2014 07:51

It's a telly not one of your children.. who cares what his opinion is, he is allowed one - on a telly... it may be new, but it is an expensive inanimate object - that is all....

I don't understand people's need to surround themselves in another world either - huge screens, loud surround sound really put me off spending time in other's homes.

MrsHathaway · 02/12/2014 07:53

I don't think it would have been rude for BIL to say it to DH, ie to his brother - but then DB and I can be quite rude to each other in a teasing fashion - but I think it was quite rude to say it to OP.

FWIW I don't like big tellies either, but I wouldn't march into PILs' front room and tell them they've wasted their money!

Original poster
LennyCrabsticks · 02/12/2014 07:56

He asked what was so special about it so I flicked to the 4k hd bit to show him and he peered at it and said, nope, can't see any difference, don't see the point.

Unless he's actually got a sight deficiency then that was just a rude pointless lie designed to put me back in my box.

OP posts:
southeastastra · 02/12/2014 07:59

he was a dick, i would have said yeah just piss on my cornflakes then!

MidniteScribbler · 02/12/2014 08:00

Did you really have to start going on about our tv though? He said it was a big tv, your response should be to laugh and agree, not start giving a blow by blow account of the purchase of it.

raffle · 02/12/2014 08:04

I can't see any real difference wight the HD thing either

DustyBedhead · 02/12/2014 08:04

Yes he was rude. Fortunately you got his brother and not him.

Mrsjayy · 02/12/2014 08:05

Ive a big telly most people do these days your bil is a snob me ignore him

BalloonSlayer · 02/12/2014 08:07

Perhaps he thought you were bragging about it?

ShizeItsWeegie · 02/12/2014 08:08

Next time. Look at him and say, 'Ha ha, you're fuunny' with your head on one side as if to say, 'Ah I understand you have a bit of a deficit', this will throw him completely! I started doing this with my BIL and for the first few times he was a bit confused and then just stopped trying to dig me out. Go straight back every time without fail with something slightly off centre that he can't fully work out. He will wonder if he does have a problem as he can't work out what you mean sort of thing. Some people can only make themselves feel better by putting down others. He is of that type.

FollowTheStarship · 02/12/2014 08:09

Hmm tellies can be quite emotive. It's like an indicator of your cultural preferences and "that's a big telly" can be a way of saying "you're not very classy" (sometimes in a jokey way).

Or is he commenting on your spending/is he jealous? Maybe it was a time to be sensitive rather than show off (but he was rude).

CaptainAnkles · 02/12/2014 08:09

Rather rude to bring it up purely to slag it off, yes. I could suggest that you go to his house, point something in his living room out and tell him it's shit. Of course you wouldn't though, because it's rude.

southeastastra · 02/12/2014 08:10

only on mn is a big telly indicative of anything

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 02/12/2014 08:10

He was rude.

sherbetpips · 02/12/2014 08:13

My in-laws are like this, they naturally criticise and rarely praise but they all seem to rub along okay despite it. Just different from our family who are more, if you can say anything nice don't say anything at all.

I tend not to show off in front of the in laws as I know they will bring me back down to size.

FollowTheStarship · 02/12/2014 08:15

Oh you're so wrong astra, really! I still feel embarrassed that we have a big telly – DP's preference – after 16 years with him and aged 45! I grew up in a no telly/tiny telly household and it's deeply ingrained in me that a large telly is horribly declasse (and that's from way before MN times).

Much like Macdonald's. I go now but when DP first suggested it I almost fell over in shock.

And round here, having no telly at all is the ultimate sign of intellectual rigour and being a good parent.

I don't actually believe all this stuff and I secretly enjoy our huge telly but it's dyed in the wool. I feel guilty when I look at it and when friends say "that's a big telly!" I'm like this Blush Blush "It's DP's!"

HedgehogsDontBite · 02/12/2014 08:16

Isn't commenting on the size of the telly the new small talk and supposed to elicit a 'fine thanks' response rather than a full medical history?

FollowTheStarship · 02/12/2014 08:20

DP on the other hand has no such qualms. He will go to someone else's house and roar "That telly is TINY! I can hardly see it!" Blush

OwlCapone · 02/12/2014 08:23

It sounds like he made a throwaway comment on the size and you launched into an excited, but dull, description of it. Mountain out of a molehill IMO. It is a TV. A TV that you purchased, you didn't invent it or build it from scratch.

Mrsjayy · 02/12/2014 08:23

My dh picked our tv it isnt huge huge but its big he was showing me the hd doodah when we first got it I was Hmm but he was happy he likes a gadget big tellys are frightfully comon and the uncommon thing to do is having a tiny portable tuned To bbc4 only