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Original poster

Was this rude or am I expecting too much from people?

101 replies

LennyCrabsticks · 02/12/2014 07:39

BIL came round to see dh last night. He stuck his head in the living room to say hello and asked what I was watching, then said, blimey, that's a big telly.

I started to tell him about it (it's new and I'm a bit excited about it) and he said that he couldn't see any difference between that and his telly and that they didn't even have a flat screen and that we obviously like spending money and he's never understood people buying huge loud tellies for their home.

I wasn't expecting him to fawn all over it fgs but he brought it up and then shat all over it.

I have other issues with DH's family and what I perceive as rudeness towards me but I keep being told it's me being over sensitive. This one has pissed me off so I'm asking the MN jury.

Aibu to think you don't walk into someone's house and slag off their stuff?

OP posts:
CupidStuntSurvivor · 02/12/2014 12:06

People often don't mean to brag but I fail to see how she can enthusiastically go through all of her new TV's features to someone whose disposable income is much lower than theirs, knowing both this and that their TV isn't in the same league, and not have it come across as bragging. Yes, he was rude, I'm not denying that. But if I'm honest, I think the majority of people would be a bit put out if they went to a wealthier friend or relative's house and that person started enthusing about things they know we couldn't afford. He was just making conversation then provided his opinion in a way that indicated OP was probably being tactless.

ephemeralfairy · 02/12/2014 12:13

This is what my mum's TV looks like, she thinks it is quite adequate. it is definitely a middle-class intellectual thing.

Was this rude or am I expecting too much from people?
Original poster
LennyCrabsticks · 02/12/2014 12:14

I didn't go through all the features!

He commented on the size and I said yes, it's our Christams present to each other, we bought it yesterday and that's when he said about it being a waste of money.

So I started to explain about the improved picture over our old telly, and showed him the Ultra HD bit, and he was all horrible and sneery about it.

I dont' see why I should have to pussy foot around about my nice things, I work very hard for them. There is no reason for his wife not to work by the way, they are very far from poor so she doens't need to, however it means they have less disposable income than us. It;s not like they are the poor relations. But they have a chip on their shoulders about it.

OP posts:
youarewinning · 02/12/2014 12:15

fw years ago my mum bought me and DS a flat screen tv for Christmas. (Very lucky that I am!) it was no bigger than the one we previously had but just not the 'box' anymore.
Plugging it in and putting on Madagascar DS exclaimed -" wow it's in 3D" it wasn't clearly but the picture is better than the old style 'box'.

We were very excited to finally have something that most people owned. One friend when I was raving probably far too excitedly said "they aren't that great".

However she already had a larger flat screen tv than we had!

Just guess some people aren't as enthralled led by things as we are. When you write the 2nd post about his "nope, still can't see the difference" I took it more as sarcastic indifference than out and out rudeness. Some people get excited about different things than others.

Original poster
LennyCrabsticks · 02/12/2014 12:16

She says things like, 'it's alright for you, you have two incomes' as though my income just falls into my lap every month.

OP posts:
youarewinning · 02/12/2014 12:17

And mine is 32" so not large by today's standards!

CupidStuntSurvivor · 02/12/2014 12:24

Just because his wife doesn't work by choice doesn't mean you weren't a bit tactless.

Theoretician · 02/12/2014 12:24

I think what I don't care for re: TVs is the way that some people who own them seem to think they're a status symbol and that I might somehow envy them, when all I'm actually thinking, as I look at it totally dominating their sitting room, is "WHY? It's HIDEOUS!"

There are two sorts of people: those who think the room is mainly for watching TV, and the rest. If you think the TV is just an appendage to the room, like a painting or clock, and you picture the room with the TV off, then it's just an ugly feature that gets uglier the bigger it is.

On the other hand, if you think of the TV as a portal into a different world, and you being in the living room and the TV being off almost never happens, then it needs to be the biggest and best portal possible. Who gives a shit what the room looks like when you're about to be killed by the Taliban, and a Chinook has just crashed behind the sofa after being brought down by an RPG? (Recent Sky movie "Lone Survivor.")

Theoretician · 02/12/2014 12:30

The ultimate TV will be when all four walls of a room are covered with "wallpaper" that can display surround images (to complement the surround sound from hidden speakers) and the only object in the room will be a couch facing the largest wall.

I wonder if TV snob's heads will explode before technology gets there.

(I just made up this concept of "surround images", but surely it's only a matter of time...)

Original poster
LennyCrabsticks · 02/12/2014 12:31

I've just remembered something that adds context.

When they bought their new (brand new!) car recently, they brought it round so we could see it. Literally, that was the reason for their visit.

And I went out for a spin in it and was appropriately gushing and appreciative, it is a lovely car and I said so.

I think he is just a rude oaf.

OP posts:
TheFriar · 02/12/2014 12:35

We do t have a vans really don't see the point if having one altogether.
However, I'm firmly in the 'if you don't have anything nice to say, just shut up' camp.
IMO he was rude. It dies t matter if he thought it was common. It might be but you don't normally go to length to tell peoe their way if doing things is crap in your eyes. That's called putting people down in my books instead.

The only thing I would have said, even being so 'anti' TV is 'well you seem really excited about it. I'm please for you. Enjoy :)'
Is there really anything else to say? Confused

TheFriar · 02/12/2014 12:39

He is just plain jealous.

Theoretician · 02/12/2014 12:42

I know a house with his and hers living rooms. (It's not in the UK. A house in which the upstairs landing is bigger than any of the three bedrooms in my UK flat.)

One living room is tastefully arranged with dark wood furniture, expensive book cases full of books, and no TV. The other has a large plasma screen.

The tasteful one only every gets used because there's a desk in one corner. So essentially it's a very large and luxurious office in which only one corner is actively used, by one person. 100% of all other living room usage (including hosting visitors) happens in the other one.

TheEponymousGrub · 02/12/2014 12:43

I am staggered at people admitting they think big screens are common. You could reasonably judge somebody's actions or beliefs as "good" or "bad", but a machine...just functions. The only reason for a large one to be undesirable is that it looks like something poor people would want? Would anyone admit to believing that?

CupidStuntSurvivor · 02/12/2014 12:49

Like I say OP, six of one, half a dozen of the other. Most of us are guilty of inadvertently bragging from time to time and I'm sure most of us have been on the receiving end of a bragger. Your BIL's reaction was rude, I've agreed with that. Yours to his bragging was much better and not rude. But if we end up bragging about something, there's always the possibility that the person we're bragging to will feel put out and then there's the further possibility that they don't feel the need to paste on a polite smile and go along with it.

MrsHathaway · 02/12/2014 12:49

Funnier enough DH and I were talking about 4k yesterday, because someone's developed an 8k Shock

The reason there aren't 4k channels, according to DH who is a geek in such matters, is that we simply do not have the bandwidth to stream that much data ("gb/frame meaning something like even if it's compressed to .mpeg on the fly and ... here I tuned out ... more data than we use even for redundancy for a whole airport").

3d/4k/hfr is very sexy at the cinema. Very immersive.

TheEponymousGrub · 02/12/2014 12:51

BTW your DH is missing the point even if he believes his DB was just being honest. He was being honest AND shockingly rude.

FollowTheStarship · 02/12/2014 12:51

Oh come on Grub there are loads of things that people think are common! It's not a moral judgement so much as a cultural one - those things that people think set them apart by virtue of taste and intellect.

Also I don't actually live by these rules (clearly, I have a big telly myself) it's just that they were instilled into me as a child and they'll never fade. I realise they are ridiculous.

"Common" things included:
Big telly
Satellite dish
Telephone sitting on a doily on hall table
Spare toilet roll cover in shape of a lady in a big dress
Trainers (we wore "cornish pasty" shoes!)
Selection boxes at Christmas
Package holidays.

Even having a dog was seen as pretty rough!

clam · 02/12/2014 12:55

"it looks like something poor people would want? Would anyone admit to believing that?"
Well, no, because that's your interpretation of it, not mine.
I said quite clearly that it is the size that I object to, because it dominates most people's rooms. And also, that I object to (some) people (and it's nothing to do with their family income, more their attitudes towards material goods) boasting about them as though I should be jealous. "Look how much money I've got to be able to afford this."
And? Why would I care?

sourdrawers · 02/12/2014 12:56

Maybe he just feels relaxed and able to say to you both what's on his mind? Might he not have been trying to be tongue in cheek ? I wouldn't get to upset about it OP.....H sounds a bit loud and crass but from that comment I wouldn't have said - malicious.

TheEponymousGrub · 02/12/2014 12:57

I wonder if the posters who suggest the OP was bragging are really trying to excuse the BIL because they share his opinion of big screens, but daren't say so because they know it is ridiculous snobbery.

WizardOfToss · 02/12/2014 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BaffledSomeMore · 02/12/2014 13:13

I am a bit of a small telly/R4 type but it does sound like the BIL was pissing onthe OP's chips.
I also struggle to see a lot of the improvements. I can tell the difference between a really poor image and a good one but any finer refinement is wasted on me. DH can't believe it as he is a picture fusspot. So it's possible he couldn't see the difference but in that position I'd make the right noises rather than being a grinch.

NoLongerJustAShopGirl · 02/12/2014 14:51

Theoretician - you should read Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury... the walls are flat panel tvs playing an endless stream of low attention span dramas, books have been banned because they make people think and cause dissent.

MrsMogginsMinge · 02/12/2014 15:37

The true class indicator is not the size of your television, but whether you have it mounted on the wall.

Grin