To feel uneasy about spending 30k on a wedding

[Kab13]

Posted before about a NYE wedding.
The venue has doubled in price. £5,500 for use of a mill, from 12 noon until 1am.
This would to be expected if they were hiring staff etc, but it's JUST for the venue.
The catering comes in a £2,546 for 80 guests. It's not that bad at all really. (IMO)
However from the start we've decided it's fairer to put our guests up at a local hotel ( premier inn) if we choose NYE, i don't think it's fair to expect people to pay either very expensive taxi fairs home (a lot of people are traveling) or to pay for a hotel and taxi fairs to a hotel.
We found a huge cottage, we wanted to hire this for 38 of our close family members and that's come in very pricey too as we have to hire it for 3 days over NYE. but that part, spending a couple of days with my loved ones was so important.
But, totalled it all up and it's about 22k BEFORE photography, linen, cutlery and crockery hire, flowers, invitations AND honeymoon.
I can see this costing 30k, and that is something that makes me feel guilty for.
A huge amount of that money is being spent on accommodation for our guests (6k and 80 guests inc children) but is feel unreasonable expecting others to cough up for it.
It's so much money but dp is set on NYE now.
Let the flamings begin.

[bigbluestars]

" I work for a solicitors and actually I think divorce rates have gone down (we don't get many enquiries now) - too expensive generally."

Rubbish. You have a skewed perspective because you work for a solicitors.
You can get divorced for £100.

[HadleyHemingway]

You could take a year off work and travel round the world on that sort of money.

You could pay off some of your mortgage and own your own home much quicker.

You could put your daughter through university so that she doesn't graduate saddled with debt.

Or you could spend it on ONE day.

[SuperFlyHigh]

bigblue for god's sake - that's my and my boss' view!

We've actually had clients come into us (in a wealthy area) and say they're better off staying married now rather than divorcing.

£100 will get you a divorce yes but if you have kids and need orders you're looking at more.

[Stormingateacup]

I really don't think anyone expects their accommodation paid for. Especially if there's a Premier Inn available, which is cheaper than most hotels. What about providing a minibus between your venue and the Premier Inn instead?

Also, 38 people in the cottage is a lot. Why not get a smaller one for 15 or something and narrow down who you put in it?

Most people I know regret spending so much on their wedding day - whether you have good memories of it or not depends on so much more than what you spent on it.

[HadleyHemingway]

And hell, if you wanna blow £30k in one day, I can think of much more exciting things to spend it on than a posh meal, some Premier Inn rooms and a few tablecloths.

[saffronwblue]

OP I hope you aren't inviting Greengrow because you would actually have to pay her additional appearance fees to set foot inside the Premier Inn!

[Kab13]

I actually like the premier inn...
Gives everyone a good idea how classy I am apparently!

[iwantgin]

I wouldn't spend that much. But it's your money.

Me and DH married 6 years ago- and could have spent three times more than we did on our wedding. But I just couldn't see the point in spending any more. it was a wonderful wedding, and we had everything we wanted. Loads of guests said it was a really enjoyable day and evening. Bestof all the money is still in the bank to be used for something else.

Maybe some of the 3 DC university costs/holiday/holiday home?? Who knows?

NYE also might be worth a rethink. What if you did get divorced? Then NYE would always be linked to your wedding? Also as said previously - anniversary nights out will be more difficult. Babysitters are like gold dust - restaurants packed out and more pricey.

IF it were me I would still book a great day and night do. Pay for some accommodation costs if you think that guests will struggle. But keep the money to enjoy doing other things also. A happy, strong marriage is the end goal. The wedding day is just that-- a day.

[molesbreath]

Oh.My.Word.

As long as you are not going into debt (which it sounds as though you aren't) then I think however much money you choose to spend is your prerogative.

BUT… the fact that you are worrying about it now, and concerned enough to ask the opinions of strangers on the net who don't know you or your circumstances at all, speaks volumes to me, in that in your heart you think its excessive.

Is it this NYE you are planning - cos you might be leaving it a bit late to pull out without incurring further costs ?

[dashoflime]

"I can't believe someone has posted the current divorce rates as a reason not to spend on a wedding........."

Being cynical about it- the chance of breaking up is a really good reason to protect your position by getting married!

Sometimes I think the big party and the pretty dress is just a way to sweeten the pill for people too romantic and loved up to look after their own interests ;)

[boxoftissues]

How much do you earn? If 30k is a tiny (5%) percentage of your income then spend it on your wedding. If not then don't.

Better to have a small cheap wedding and have a big 15/20/25th anniversary bash if you make it that far.

[formerbabe]

I think it's a massive waste of money because it appears you are going to have a perfectly nice but average wedding because its on nye.... I think it would be better to have an amazing wedding on any old day during the year, but that's just what I would do.

I also wouldn't expect the bride and groom to pay for my hotel room so I think you could cut that off.

I would feel peeved if it was my wedding because you are paying over the odds purely because of the date!

Also bear in mind you will have a nightmare trying to book an anniversary dinner for the future!

[Dowser]

And if it all goes tits up you'll end up thinking what a waste.

Joke of course.

[Nicknacky]

dashoflime lol that is one way of looking at it!

I think if the op is already considering her divorce then she shouldn't spend anything on a wedding!

And my sister is still married as she says it will cost too much to get divorced. Although she is now engaged and her ex has a baby to his new partner. I pointed out she said she needed to get divorced and she said she won't bother, she will just stay engaged. Now that's romantic.

[Kab13]

Think 95% of posters think I'm either crazy, plain stupid or over the top/ generous.
I shall ditch the NYE thing.

[Hobby2014]

I think there's a good point up thread about your fiancé paying half/is he pushing it/is your dd his too?

[Kab13]

He's not paying halves, no.
He is dds father.
He's not really "pushing" for it, certainly thought it was a great day to get married though.
I can see where this is going...

[bigbluestars]

superfly- of course you boss thinks that way he is a solicitor!!

No need to involve solicitors at all if you can sort things between you. I wouldn't want to feather the pocket of some overpaid bureaucrat if I didn't have to.

[Hobby2014]

Just don't want you to feel you have to spend it when you have doubts on what else that could be spent on. If your thread was omg my weddings gonna rock, it'd be different, but you come across as being uncomfortable with it. I'd maybe have a nice wedding with some of the money and out the rest aside for something else, or uni fee or her house deposit etc.
I wasn't going for a LTB lol!

[Kab13]

Maybe I SHOULD just LTB and travel for a year.
God I'd love to travel for a year...

[AnyFucker]

What is your fiance contributing to the wedding ? Are you using inheritance from your father to pay for a day that pleases (and impresses) others, but you are not sure about ?. That would be very foolish indeed.

[maras2]

Earlier this year you posted to say that you regretted making an important decision due to 'finances'.Now you seem to have many thousands to throw at a wedding. YABU 30 grand is a ridiculous amount of money to spend on a wedding but hey ho,your money,your choice.

[Theorientcalf]

You can still have a lovely wedding and not pay as much. Ours cost £10 and we had a lovely venue and a BBQ, I still had the white dress and the photographer and gorgeous flowers. Everyone stayed on site but paid for their own rooms. We paid corkage too.

I'm not into this, you shouldn't pay £30k, you could go to the registry office in jeans, there's always a middle ground OP.

And £5 just for room hire is ridiculous!! Ours was £500! You can still have a beautiful wedding without spending a fortune.

[Kab13]

I did?