To feel uneasy about spending 30k on a wedding

[Kab13]

Posted before about a NYE wedding.
The venue has doubled in price. £5,500 for use of a mill, from 12 noon until 1am.
This would to be expected if they were hiring staff etc, but it's JUST for the venue.
The catering comes in a £2,546 for 80 guests. It's not that bad at all really. (IMO)
However from the start we've decided it's fairer to put our guests up at a local hotel ( premier inn) if we choose NYE, i don't think it's fair to expect people to pay either very expensive taxi fairs home (a lot of people are traveling) or to pay for a hotel and taxi fairs to a hotel.
We found a huge cottage, we wanted to hire this for 38 of our close family members and that's come in very pricey too as we have to hire it for 3 days over NYE. but that part, spending a couple of days with my loved ones was so important.
But, totalled it all up and it's about 22k BEFORE photography, linen, cutlery and crockery hire, flowers, invitations AND honeymoon.
I can see this costing 30k, and that is something that makes me feel guilty for.
A huge amount of that money is being spent on accommodation for our guests (6k and 80 guests inc children) but is feel unreasonable expecting others to cough up for it.
It's so much money but dp is set on NYE now.
Let the flamings begin.

"This is the worst stealth boast I've ever seen on mumsnet"

It was a boast? Why would anyone brag about throwing £££ at a wedding when they have a mortgage, with a kicker that it doesn't sound as if they feel able to discuss it with their DP? I was wondering if it was a cry for help.

Is your date absolutely fixed? My SIL had her heart set on a NYE wedding but was persuaded by her dad (who was paying for it!) to have a Spring wedding instead and it almost halved the costs.

Kab I suppose it depends on your circumstances. Do you think the money could be better used elsewhere? For us we had nothing else to really spend it on (apart from more holidays or posher cars), so no regrets splashing out on the "big day".

Gosh that makes me sound like a total bell end!

My mother had a NYE wedding and went on about the symbolism of a new start. A few years later my sibling was born, and all we've had since then is whinging about baby sitters not being available, and everywhere being stupidly expensive or overcrowded. It wasn't such a romantic reality after all. Just some food for thought.

If you're comfortable with that kind of budget and what you get out of it, then that's fine. Personally, I wouldn't go for a premium date as I don't get extra value from it, but if that's right for you, then go for it. There's no right or wrong.

Totally fine as far as I'm concerned, but finances are a personal thing. If you can afford it and are happy to pay for it then do it.

I have discussed it with dp but wanted other opinions too. To see what other people thought.
Kind of is a cry for help because I'm considering it and need someone to tell me I'm bonkers and rein me in,
What better place for that than AIBU?

I think you're mad

Also worth considering this: your wedding day will be lovely no matter how much or little you throw at it. Its just a lovely, special day. All the trimmings are quite meaningless when you look back and remember it.

Money could definitely be used elsewhere. I have a dd, it could be used for her.
Think the fact i feel guilty before I've even booked a thing says it all.

Just think how much good your local hospice could do with that money. Sorry I think spending that amount is ridiculously crass.

You aren't mad! But some people will think you are, it's just a personal thing. Some people spend money on cars, clothes, holidays and luxury. Others dont see value in those things, or some of them. All totally personal, if we were all the same it would be a very boring world.

£30k is a crazy amount of money for one day. I'm not sure what the deal is with weddings on NYE. That's bound to make everything more expensive, venue, catering, staffing, taxis, accommodation. You could easily have the wedding you want for less money if you simply chose a different date.

Plus, what if the weather is really bad? You could have guests unable to travel. We've certainly had snow over Christmas and NY in the UK in recent years and it would be awful to pay all that money and find that a large number of people are unable to be there.

You mention paying for DD's uni costs, can you still do that spending £30k on a wedding?

If you must pay for accommodation (you don't have to!) don't make it NYE. It is absolutely crazy putting the two together, a perfect storm of expense.

You sound as if you are worried that people won't come if you don't put them up. Is that right? They will come. If they won't, they don't matter.

It also sounds as if it is more your DP than you who wants NYE. Why is this?
What do you want?

Do you really want your wedding anniversary to be on NYE for ever after?

You are having qualms about spending all this money so I don't think you should as it sounds as if you are feeling railroaded into "having" to by other people.

Putting people up and then suggesting that they bring booze is an interesting compromise (isn't convention that people put themselves up, and the hosts do the rest?) - but all of this only works if it is what you want to do.

more money than sense and certainly if you have a DD.

When I've been to weddings as family guest have always sorted out and paid for our own accommodation - even as SIL of brother's wife (and BM).

You are being very generous though and a bit blinkered in your views on this...

If you wanted to be generous then what about pay for all drinks - rather than cash bar. or something else.

I'd also say, what about the weather? You have no idea what it'll do before now and NYE, many guests may not be able to make it due to that reason.

You are bonkers!

You don't pay for their accommodation.
Do you really want to hire the cottage? Couldn't you just have most of the wedding there if you do?
The mill has upped the price? Maybe they are trying it on? Is there anywhere else.
NYE is awkward - a lot of Scots I know will not want to go, others may have other plans.

You don't sound as if you want a ritzy do, and £30K on what you do want sounds both over generous to others and over the top for what you will get.

Pay for: things you really want, and lack of stress.

The best wedding I even went to cost very little - it even had a bring and share reception.

we stay at a place in cornwall lovely stone cottages that sleeps around 40 people, does wedding receptions and would be nowhere near this price. you can do it for cheaper if you choose to. we had a party there for DH's 40th birthday and are thinking of doing the same for his 50th in a couple of years time. its one day. IME the amount spent on the wedding is inversely proportional to the length of time the marriage lasts.

you can focus so much on THE day that you forget what its all about. PM me. I can send you info on this place and a few others. No need to spend your annual salary on it.

I don't regret a penny of my wedding spend.

I wouldn't pay the full amount for guest accommodation; you can subsidise some of it.

DO NOT scrimp on a photographer.

I've never once been to a wedding where the accommodation has been paid for nor would I ever expect it to be
I paid for all our guests' accommodation ( but we only invited 12 people so it was only 4 rooms)

Titchy, we would be requesting that instead of wedding gifts/money and instead of wedding favours (for the guests) that we donate towards a charity, possibly to a charity for people affected by aneurysms as that's what took my father at the age of 34. So wouldn't be TOTALLY selfish, I get that's it's still pretty selfish though.

I don't think it's necessary to entirely foot the bill for guest accommodation. I am sure most guests attending a wedding would be happy to stay over at their own expense. Maybe subsidise it slightly so they are paying max £80-100 a couple. When I was a bridesmaid I stayed in the castle / hotel for 2 nights at a total cost of £550! Ouch.

I think we spent about £42k on our wedding in 2009 ( large chunk on honeymoon / wedding jewelley). And that was with homemade flowers / cake / bridesmaid dresses! We didn't borrow the money though, it was our own savings and my parents contributed £20k. And we had a fantastic day, wouldn't change a thing.

Having had children though I think we'd struggle to spend that amount of money now, much easier when no dependants as less to feel guilty about!

titchy I'm all for charity but I didn't consider what the local hospice could do with the money I spent! Why try guilt trip the op?

Op, weddings are a contentious issue at the best of time on mumsnet, never mind discussing the cost of one. My wedding was in excess of £20k and I'm sure I could have used the money elsewhere if I wanted to and we could say that about most things we spend our money on. You will have poster after posted telling you how they had a wedding for 100 with a budget of 1000, but it's yours and your partners wedding and you should have it the way YOU want, forget what anyone else thinks.

And to the poster that said she will probably regret spending that, why would she? I didn't.

Madness -if you have kids you'll wish you kept some of that money. I mean you might earn a bomb and have more savings but think about maternity leave, possibly living off one income for a while should one of you wish to stay at home. yes agree with house deposit.

I think you're being silly paying for accomodation for your guests. I've been to loads of weddings and not once have we had accomodation paid for and I would never expect it!

Actually for all those who say they've never been to a wedding where the accommodation was paid for - well I have...

I was BM at BFF friend's wedding in USA (she's American). She paid for my and other guests accommodation at the hotel. But then I paid out for transatlantic flight, Laura Ashley BM dress etc. which was a shock in the first place as we don't pay for BM outfits in UK generally...

oh you have a DD - sorry