To feel uneasy about spending 30k on a wedding

[Kab13]

Posted before about a NYE wedding.
The venue has doubled in price. £5,500 for use of a mill, from 12 noon until 1am.
This would to be expected if they were hiring staff etc, but it's JUST for the venue.
The catering comes in a £2,546 for 80 guests. It's not that bad at all really. (IMO)
However from the start we've decided it's fairer to put our guests up at a local hotel ( premier inn) if we choose NYE, i don't think it's fair to expect people to pay either very expensive taxi fairs home (a lot of people are traveling) or to pay for a hotel and taxi fairs to a hotel.
We found a huge cottage, we wanted to hire this for 38 of our close family members and that's come in very pricey too as we have to hire it for 3 days over NYE. but that part, spending a couple of days with my loved ones was so important.
But, totalled it all up and it's about 22k BEFORE photography, linen, cutlery and crockery hire, flowers, invitations AND honeymoon.
I can see this costing 30k, and that is something that makes me feel guilty for.
A huge amount of that money is being spent on accommodation for our guests (6k and 80 guests inc children) but is feel unreasonable expecting others to cough up for it.
It's so much money but dp is set on NYE now.
Let the flamings begin.

[Eastpoint]

How would your father feel about you spending the money he left you on one day?

[LegoAdventCalendar]

Ridiculous amount of money for a wedding.

[bigbluestars]

Divorce rates are currently 55%.

Keep the cash.

[SuperFlyHigh]

I was lucky in that both family weddings recently were in Bath - so for the first (SIL's) I stayed in B&B, for the 2nd, her brother's wedding, I stayed at SIL's DM's house.

That way can help ease the pain with accommodation and the price of it. However factor in entertaining and feeding people staying with you and it can be expensive/stressful but fun too.

[adsy]

Sweet fucking Jesus, 42k on a wedding??!!!

[PomeralLights]

Do think about MrsMook 's point - do you want to get married on a day where you will struggle to celebrate your anniversary just the two of you until all kids are grown up? If your financial situation does ever change you might find you're pissed off you can never use a Groupon for a nice meal on your anniversary, for example.
If you're happy with the date just not the cost I would agree that £30k is a bit U.
Also if it really is all about the large family and friends have you considered looking at places where there is lots of cottage style accommodation so you can put everyone up a bit cheaper? My sister got married in January in an old stately home in beautiful Westcountry countryside with a number of cottages in the grounds, could put everyone up and she asked us all to contribute a flat £100 each. Not sure how much that cost them, think about £10k for use of house plus accommodation which is cheaper than you are looking at for the two? Hotel costs rapidly spiral...

[Havingabeer]

Depends how much you earn. Before our wedding we probs earned 30k each and spent under 10k on wedding . And that was with help from family . Too much for us. And what about honeymoon? You can expect guests to pay for their own hotel

[Havingabeer]

But then you only do it once....

[Kab13]

I honestly couldn't tell you how my father would feel.
I can't remember him all that well, sadly. I was 10 when he died and have no memory from my childhood after he died. Think I blocked it out.
But it's probably why I am so hell bent on having my family all together for a couple of days, inc his best friends I haven't been able to see since he died.
He may think I'm crazy, he may of paid for it himself if he was here. I wish I knew, it'd make my decision far easier

[unlucky83]

I would use it to pay off (or at least) more of the mortgage and get married in a registry office in a pair of jeans....if you had a £30k mortgage that would cost you another £29k in interest over 25 yrs - so you are really spending more like £60k.
Think about not having to pay money out for somewhere to live every month (multiple your mortgage by 12 to see how much better off you could be per year) - that might make you re think the 'small' mortgage!! Then again - it's your money, but that's me.
Also if you set something up to be fantastic you are more likely to be disappointed - knowing you are spending all that money will make you feel devastated if things don't go to plan.
I used to plan weddings - at least 80 isn't really too big number and I am assuming you know everyone quite well - no risk of acquaintances getting pissed on a free bar and taking the piss...which is what I have seen a lot - and no risks of family bust ups? seen those too - have seen lots of brides in tears on their 'big day'.

[dreamingbohemian]

I think you should either change the date or the venue, if you really want to do NYE then there are probably cheaper ways to do it, or keep the venue but do it in the spring.

Personally I think NYE weddings are kind of selfish, so I would change the date.

I would not be impressed if your partner thought his wedding day was more important than your daughter's future.

[dashoflime]

You are paying well over the odds to have the wedding on NYE.
Choose any other weekend in January and you will be looking at a lovely discount- instead of an extra charge.

It also seems like you are only considering paying for guests accomodation because of the additional inconvienence and expense of NYE.

So yes, YABU. Not because of the cost- but because of the needlessness of it. You are paying £1000's for the symbolic value of having it one day rather than another.

I would also prefer to put money behind the bar rather than pay for guests accomodation, if it came to a choice between the two. People want to come to a great party and free booze will get the mood going faster.

[slithytove]

Op. Is your DP offering to split the costs or is it all you?
Is your dd also his dd?
Who is pushing this idea of a big expensive wedding on the stupidest night of the year

[Nicknacky]

I can't believe someone has posted the current divorce rates as a reason not to spend on a wedding.........

I don't think anyone gets married and thinks they will get divorced. Jeez.

[slithytove]

I also don't get why anyone would want to do nye.

I'm not a big fan of combining special events. Nicer surely to have a wedding anniversary which is just 'your day' for want of a better phrase?

[dreamingbohemian]

The more you write, the more I think you should just change the date -- the venue sounds nice, the big cottage sounds nice, and it's lovely you want your whole family there.

I think the issue is not paying a lot for a wedding (lots of people do) but it's silly to pay double just because of the date.

I mean, imagine you really wanted to go to a Michelin-starred restaurant or something.... and every night of the year, it's 100£. And then one night out of the year, it's £200. Would you not feel silly insisting on going that one night of the year?

[SuperFlyHigh]

Nicknacky - I work for a solicitors and actually I think divorce rates have gone down (we don't get many enquiries now) - too expensive generally.

I recall my boss when I first started almost 5 years ago just before New Year rubbing his hands with glee and telling me he expected lots of divorce clients (new ones) after Xmas - quite galling for him when it didn't happen! (I'm serious about my boss!).

[saffronwblue]

I would

1. move the wedding from NYE to any other date. Reduce stress and expense by half.
   

1. Choose a different venue. 5,500 just to be inside the walls and under the roof is ludicrous.
2. With a different venue, you will have different accommodation options. Send all guests links to accommodation at a range of prices. Maybe put on a breakfast or something for them the next day, but you do not have to pay their overnight stay.
3. Think about what most matters to you for this day. I believe you said it upthread - it is having all your family together in one place. Use that wish as the starting point for planning the wedding. When and where is the easiest way to make that happen? not NYE at an overpriced mill

[dreamingbohemian]

1. Think about what most matters to you for this day. I believe you said it upthread - it is having all your family together in one place. Use that wish as the starting point for planning the wedding. When and where is the easiest way to make that happen? not NYE at an overpriced mill
   

Yes, exactly!

[CerealMom]

I think Holly's post is lovely. Your day will be special whenever and wherever you have it.

NYE is a peculiar/funny date to use. DGM/DGF had Christmas eve and that used to cause no end of problems. Will DP expect you/others to celebrate your wedd ana every year?

[andsmileitschristmas]

Choose a naice registry office get the legals done then go for a big posh meal in a restaurant with a fab reputation - just book it all out - no venue hire leave plenty money for a good drinks package.

Hire a new up and comming photographer (but do research this carefully) have you candid shots done for the above and then arrange to have some took at a nice setting, grounds of your wedding night hotel.

Keep it central in spring.

Personally I think NYE is a celebration in its own right and wouldnt want it as an aniversary too.

If you really want to cut costs dont have bridesmades (except DD) but give a number of your friends and family key roles to help - toast master, speech, readings, poems.

You can still make it classy and tastefu without spending a fortune.

[andsmileitschristmas]

P.S. Big cottages are what families do at holiday time, who are close and they all share the cost. Maybe suggest that idea in the future, it is a nice one, but not one you should fund.

[Greengrow]

Less than we spent last year... but we are probably better off than most on all sides of the family and both families and the couple chipped in. No hotels were paid for and it was not NYE.

Does it not depend on your culture too? A neighbour had 1000 (yes one thousand...!!!) guests to his daughter's wedding at Alexandra Palace the other year - massive Indian family/ business wedding with people flying in from all over the Globe.

To pay what you're paying and the accommodation is a Premier Inn, the type of place you'd have to pay some of us to set foot in - seems a bit steep but the bottom line is it's your wedding and whatever you want is fine.