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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be shocked at the ageism on here tonight

608 replies

drudgetrudy · 27/11/2014 23:08

AIBU to be shocked at the terms used to refer to older people tonight.
We've had "old duffers", "old biddies" "old dears with nothing better to do" and this isn't a TAAT-its been on more than one thread.

If any other group were referred to in generalised and negative terms like this people would be going nuts.
People are people and come in many varieties over all age ranges.
Seriously pissed off tonight.Angry

OP posts:
SconeRhymesWithGone · 01/12/2014 19:09

I don't have to trawl threads to find it. I just click on threads that interest me. But it's very often there in some form or other (except in FWR, for the most part).

Floisme · 01/12/2014 19:11

I think you are trying to make this in to something it clearly is not

That's exactly the kind of thing people used to say to me forty years ago.

I accept that people may not intend to cause offence - just like they often didn't in the 70s. However if I was saying something that a group of people found offensive, I would want it be pointed out to me so that I could change my behaviour. Wouldn't you?

magimedi · 01/12/2014 19:26

I don't think any of us were 'trawling the threads', Celtic.

Personally, I just happened to be enjoying that thread - it was MN at its most fun.

Nobody was bullied at all.

a woman who fought intense, institutionalised sexism throughout her twenties & thirties. Who is both proud of her generation's achievements and disillusioned by the amount of real progress evident after 70 whole years of feminist battles. Who's raised her family, dealt with financial and social blows most younger women haven't even bothered imagining. And who finds herself facing yet another uncomprehending wall of thoughtless belittlement, removal of privilege, and marginalisation

You said all I wanted to say, Garlic. In a much more coherent & succint manner than I would have.

Tron123 · 01/12/2014 20:08

"Silly little girl" ageist?

ilovesooty · 01/12/2014 20:10

Justine "bullied" into making concessions? That's ridiculous.
Incidentally I was looking at the driving thread last night out of interest as I've just(shamefully) had to attend a speed awareness course. I noted that there were a few comments along the lines of having to watch what you say now or you'll get deleted because "don't you know you can't be ageist now". Sad.

ilovesooty · 01/12/2014 20:12

Of course it was ageist Tron Deliberately so to make a point, although you seem not to have realised that.

ArsenicSoup · 01/12/2014 20:13

"Silly little girl" ageist?

Do you think that might have been the point? Hmm Let's think....

DidoTheDodo · 01/12/2014 20:24

For someone who thinks this is a non issue, celticlass is spending a lot of her time on this thread!
Garlic, you had it just right up thread. Thank you.

Tron123 · 01/12/2014 20:29

Oh I see a sense of humour and does that apply to all terms or only the ones that are not aimed at anyone over 50?

ilovesooty · 01/12/2014 20:31

Tron I think youre failing to get the point here.

Celticlass2 · 01/12/2014 20:32

I'm 46, haven't been described as a girl for years. I rather like it Smile

Tron123 · 01/12/2014 20:35

Great lass! No I don't think I a missing the point :)

ilovesooty · 01/12/2014 20:38

Well Tron I think we'll have to agree to disagree again.

Hakluyt · 01/12/2014 20:40

Something's just struck me. With all other -isms I can understand what's in it for the people who deny they exist- it's generally all about power and privilege and not wanting to relinquish any of it. But with this one, I am, frankly, at a loss. What on earth do people get out of fighting for the right to call people over the age of 60 "Old biddies"?

DidoTheDodo · 01/12/2014 20:41

I'm voting with sooty...I think there's some great point-missing here!

Original poster
drudgetrudy · 01/12/2014 20:44

I wondered about that too Hakluyt

OP posts:
BIWI · 01/12/2014 20:46

Perhaps Celticlass would like to answer that, Hakluyt. I'd be really interested to know too!

Celticlass2 · 01/12/2014 20:47

Tron Wink

ArsenicSoup · 01/12/2014 20:56

Denial Hak. A superstitious warding off of ageing.

ArsenicSoup · 01/12/2014 20:57

And the chance to be gratuitously rude

ilovesooty · 01/12/2014 21:09

I think Arsenic might have a point, though I think the rudeness is sometimes deliberate and sometimes unconscious. When it's deliberate it comes from asense of impatience and superiority. When it's unconscious people don't like being pulled up for being rude, so they get defensive and find fault with the objector.

SconeRhymesWithGone · 01/12/2014 21:22

Ageist language is in part to assert privilege: the privilege of younger people over older people.

ilovesooty · 01/12/2014 21:30

Did anyone report the "old dear" post on the other thread?

magimedi · 01/12/2014 22:08

Yes, Sooty, I reported it.

Not so much to have it deleted (as I thought the basic thread was lots of fun) as to bring the ageism yo the attention of MNHQ.

This was the reply I got (hope I'm not breaking rules by posting it here, I don't think it's in the TAAT teritory):

"Hi there,

Thanks for reporting this post. We've had a good look at it and we don't think it is deletable in itself. We agree it is a bit patronising but we don't think the poster intended to cause offence. We were pleased to see that a discussion about it was had on the thread. We think that's probably the most effective way of spreading the word about casual ageism.

We are always pleased to get reports though, so please don't feel that our not deleting this particular post means we aren't interested. It gives us a feel generally for how Mumsnetters feel about certain words and phrases and helps inform our decisions long term. We would always delete posts that were really nasty in tone or that we felt were setting out to offend. In case you didn't see it, though sounds like you probably did, here's a link to a thread in which JustineMumsnet discusses the subject.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a2246746-To-be-shocked-at-the-ageism-on-here-tonight?msgid=50997494#50997494

ilovesooty · 01/12/2014 22:16

Yes, I got that reply too. I didn't seriously expect them to delete it but I'm interested to see that in the reply they're still focusing on "intent" - which I still think we need to get past. I think it's also interesting that we're being encouraged to challenge and raise discussion on the threads.

I certainly think we need to keep reporting though.