AIBU to be upset at MIL for telling ds this? *title edited by MNHQ elves*

[rocketjam]

DS is 9 and for a couple of years, he's been doubting that Santa exists, but we tell him that some children believe he exists, some children don't, and that's ok. I always make a big deal out of Christmas, and try to create a lovely family celebration as I have very fond memories of Christmas as a child and I want to do the same thing for my children. We are a Christian family and attend Church, Sunday School, etc and it's a very special time of the year.

MIL told me many times in the past that she always told her children - DH and his sister - that Santa doesn't exist as she didn't want to confuse them and didn't want to be accused of lying to them as they got older.

When DS (now 9 YO) asked her if Santa existed, instead of saying what we say - (maybe he doesn't, what do you think?) she actually answered 'No darling, he doesn't exist' and then she told me over the phone that DS was upset because we had lied to him.

IABU to be upset over this? She apologised and sounded very sorry, and I told her not to worry about it because she worries about everything and I don't want to cause any more damage/conflict especially at this time of year. But inside I am fuming.

The kid is 9. I'm surprised his mates haven't set him straight. She is most definitely not a bitch.

I know plenty of kids at 9 (and older) who still believe/ed in Santa. Regardless of whether or not he may/may not/should/should not believe in Santa it is absolutely not her place to tell him. She overstepped a line, but I suspect she was making A Point and validating her parenting approach which was not to tell her own children.

YABU

Yesterday my 6 year old asked me directly if Father Christmas was real (mum tell the truth). I was hoping he'd believe a little longer but I am damned if I'll lie to him now or ever when he specifically asked me not to.

Father Christmas is a bit of fun, but there comes a time when the fun is over. 9 sounds about right tbh. Its not like she jeered at a 3 year old for hanging up a stocking.

But you did.

Huge cow she sounds. Of course he's frigging real!

[hangs up stocking]

He IS REAL!

Yabu.

He's been doubting FC is real for a couple of YEARS. He's 9.

She was very sorry and it sounds like she didn't do it to cause any trouble.

And as for calling her a bitch. Fucking hell you sound mad Elf.

My ds is 11 and still kind of believes (he has ASD). My fury would no no bounds if MIL did this.

He's not Santa anyway.

He is FATHER CHRISTMAS!

I would never lie if a child asked a direct question like that.

Nor would I, but some answers require some thought and tact, especially this one where it involves the whole family.
As an infant teacher, I was often asked if Santa or God existed by the children in my class (aged 6-7). To those of you who advocate blunt truth telling at all times, was it my place to say no to either of these?
I'd say "Well millions of people believe him to be true" or suchlike. That was a truthful answer, but hopefully not stepping on any parents' toes.

I'm glad my parents "lied" to me about Santa: made my childhood Christmases more special.

Surely he was asking her because he thought she'd tell the truth. And you probably wouldn't, or would give him an ambiguous reply. Who else could he ask? A teacher won't risk telling him the truth, nor will most other parents....

At nine, he's old enough to know the truth. However, I would have told the truth to a much younger child.

Tell him granny is a bit of a cow - you're only being honest.

Know not no!

He's 9 and deserves an honest answer to a direst question. Sorry YABU.

However, I would have told the truth to a much younger child.

Even one that wasn't yours?

The joys of Christmas. I was always told he wasn't real from an early age. It never took anything away from Christmas. And I never felt lied to.

Even at a very early age I remember my brother was adamant he was real and my parents accepted it and told him that family and friends still had to pay for the presents and send them to him to deliver. They where adamant that we knew we could not have what we wanted always and we knew that it all had to be paid for.

" tell him granny is a bit of a cow - you're only being honest " irony at it's best.

What when the ds founds out that granny wasn't lying but his mum was - who will look like the cow then

I was actually surprised how many of ds' friends still sort of believed at eleven even though they really knew the truth. DS said something to xh's dp's dd last year that actually it's parents that bring the presents, I was convinced he didn't actually believe that and when we had a rational discussion about it he said that he knew deep down that it couldn't be true. However I was livid that xh's dp essentially told her dd that ds was a lier for telling her that fc wasn't real. When I confirmed in as many words that fc wasn't real I was surprised how upset ds was that I had lied to him and we had to have a conversation about it.

At nine most children know even if they want to believe for a couple more years. I actually found out when I was seven and kept up the pretence for years. But I think that if they figure it out then it's not wrong to tell them the truth.

And calling someone a bitch or a cunt for doing that is ott in the extreme.

If Santa didn't exist, then when I was a little girl, I would never have got to eat tangerines and chocolate coins before breakfast on Christmas morning. My parents CERTAINLY wouldn't have allowed it.

loiner45 "You lied, she didn't. Sorry I'm with her on this, I would never lie if a child asked a direct question like that."

I completely agree. My parents always made a huge deal about never telling lies, so I assumed they were also honest with me. When I found out they'd lied to me about Father Christmas I actually felt betrayed.

[big grin] at HSMMaCM

At 9 I'm surprised he doesn't know the truth but is in no way her place to tell him.