AIBU to be upset at MIL for telling ds this? *title edited by MNHQ elves*

[rocketjam]

DS is 9 and for a couple of years, he's been doubting that Santa exists, but we tell him that some children believe he exists, some children don't, and that's ok. I always make a big deal out of Christmas, and try to create a lovely family celebration as I have very fond memories of Christmas as a child and I want to do the same thing for my children. We are a Christian family and attend Church, Sunday School, etc and it's a very special time of the year.

MIL told me many times in the past that she always told her children - DH and his sister - that Santa doesn't exist as she didn't want to confuse them and didn't want to be accused of lying to them as they got older.

When DS (now 9 YO) asked her if Santa existed, instead of saying what we say - (maybe he doesn't, what do you think?) she actually answered 'No darling, he doesn't exist' and then she told me over the phone that DS was upset because we had lied to him.

IABU to be upset over this? She apologised and sounded very sorry, and I told her not to worry about it because she worries about everything and I don't want to cause any more damage/conflict especially at this time of year. But inside I am fuming.

We don't have Santa but Baby Jesus bringing the presents on Christmas Eve, fairy-like, invisible, magic (German).

Even my teenagers don't take away the magic for the 6yo, when we talk about it. They remember and insist on all the little traditions around it. Covering up the doorways so the magic can work, because if you see it, there will be no presents.

Santa Claus brings chocolates and oranges on the 6th of December, but only if you put your boots in the porch, cleaned.

OP, I would be annoyed too. She's overstepped the boundaries, but probably didn't really think about it before she answered. You can still keep some of the magic alive, my teens are only too happy to pretend they still believe in it.

The only one I know who does the Santa Tracker is my aunt. She's 65.

DS firmly believes in Santa. He's just turned six. He can also read very fluently and would have twigged that title in five seconds flat - end of Santa for him, and he spent ages this morning carefully crafting his letter to him. So I appreciate the edit; not sure why others are huffing. Live and let live, no?

OP I would be hopping mad as well, but in fairness she did call you to explain what had happened and it may have just come out. He's 9, he had to find out some time, and really how angry you need to be does rather rest on how innocent her position was. If she genuinely didn't know what else to say and just blurted out what she sincerely felt then you can't honestly blame her. If she's a manipulative type who actually grabbed the chance to impose her own view of Christmas then that's another matter. Only you can know which is which.

I do think 9 is as old as it's fair to let them get, tbh. I am not planning on DS believing more than a year or two more, because it starts to become less magical and more deceptive, I think. But it's a personal choice - my (Jewish atheist) husband also didn't want to do the whole thing on the grounds it was lying, but he's seen DS's joy and excitement in it all and has been completely converted to the traditional Christmas now.

It not "NO-ONE" it's only mothers in law. And it's not "parents" it's mothers.

Nah, you must have seen the annual Daily Mail story where a teacher or vicar or someone tells a class full of sorrowful urchins that Santa doesn't exist, and the parents hoik bosoms and beards to unparalleled heights while claiming their children haven't stopped sobbing in days? A friend posts it on Facebook every year now when that story appears. It's been a tradition since 2007!

From a quick google: 20012 and 2013. The countdown is on!

As someone wise once pointed out on a similar thread, kids don't care about the 'magic' of Christmas - they care about presents.

I genuinely think that's bollocks.

dailygrowl Thu 27-Nov-14 10:53:00

Phew I am glad you can see it too, daily. This is exactly what it is. Its nuanced though I can see why people are missing it.

Time to change the discussion about how "we are all Father Christmas". How it's not one person it's all of us together. We do it for our children as our parents did for us and they'll do for theirs ........

but I can't stand the competitive Christmas magic stuff......

What an utterly bizarre statement, just who is in competition with who?

I object to the edit because this is an adult site for adults,and it's not anyone's responsibility to censor themselves in case a child is reading over their parent's shoulder. That is a problem for the parent to deal with,not my problem.

Are we not going to be allowed to swear in thread titles either?

Also,recently I was told by a member of MNHQ that thread titles will not be censored,so it seems that there is some confusion over this.

Its nuanced though I can see why people are missing it

That's right, elf, everyone who disagrees with you on this thread is just too thick to penetrate the deeper nuances of MIL's evil plan for world domination to destroy the magic of Christmas . Couldn't possibly be that you've just got a bit carried away slagging off some poor grannie you don't even know!

The weirdest thing about this whole thread is the idea that NO-ONE must ever tell a child ANYTHING unless they first run it by their parents.

No you have missed the point.

Father christmas is special to op, it was not special to MIL.

Mil knew it was special to op and yet she has taken it upon herself to diabuse son of myth and has also got in something about lying.

A parent who loves FC has spent years creating the magic, from a place of love.

Years of running round behind the scenes to put on the show that is Santa and christmas.

If you dont get this, you dont get it.

Mil didn't get it, she walked over ops beliefs or something that was very precious to her. Not only did she walk over her daughter in laws magic as it were she has sprinkled it with something to be ashamed of too, in the form of her lying to her son.

Couldn't possibly be that you've just got a bit carried away slagging off some poor grannie you don't even know!

Its not the PA granny who I bet feels on top of the world she has finally smashed her grandsons FC beliefs I feel sorry for,

Its op and her son.

For me, as my nephews and nieces appear and get older, Christmas "traditions" get more and more daft every year. Gone is the knowing chuckling DB and I joined in with as we "put out a carrot on the hearth for Rudolph and a sherry for Father Christmas".

Oh no, last year we had to join in the flinging of the glitter round the garden for "reindeer" dust (and DH was roundly ticked off for mildly enquiring who was going to pick up all the bits afterwards), and on Christmas Eve we were ordered by SIL to be silent after 9pm as she laid trails of sweets from niece's bedroom to the tree. I joshed about DH eating them in the night (he has a famously sweet tooth) and SIL turned purple with indignation claiming if he did so there would be a "devastated six year old to deal with."

I doubt she would have been devastated after her million presents, visits to FC, parties, pantomimes and so on and so on.

What is the confusion you think has gone on here, TillHammerZ?

MNHQ edit titles every year to keep the magic alive for those that want it. It doesn't cause any upset to the non believers to no have FATHER CHRISTMAS ISN'T REAL IN THE TITLE.

Someone moaned when a precious X Factor winner was named in a thread as a poster hadn't watched it yet. There are always titles being edited and people posting things without thinking.

Not read the whole thread.
Whether FC exists or not is irrelevant in the Chile household. My DDs are 13 and 17. They have known for years Santa isn't real.
They spend hours on Norad Tracks Santa, they have stockings and put out sherry a mince pie and carrots on Xmas Eve.
They love the ritual. THAT'S the important part.

Elf, I'm starting to think you're taking the piss. That hilariously patronising bit about most of us not getting evil grannie's motives was funny.

But as for the sad face about OP & her son! They're presumably getting on with their lives & will have many more wonderful Christmasses (underpinned by their Christian beliefs, don't forget) to enjoy together. DS, like all children, will no doubt develop a more nuanced understanding of truth / lies / myths & no lasting damage will be done. OP has already said she's not going to be falling out with her MIL, thank goodness.

As for granny finally succeeding in smashing her GS's beliefs - don't be so daft! She's had 9 years to do her evil works - either she's a bit incompetent in the dream-smashing stakes, or you're engaging in some kind of bizarre fantasy, barely connected to the scenario OP originally described. Or you're having a laugh!

That's one possible explanation but it's not the only one. I know people such as that, too (unfortunately) but this MIL may just be inept, rather than passive aggressive. Not everyone is a Blackadder - some are just Baldricks.

And Christmas was never about the presents for me as a kid. I loved Santa and the tree and the build-up. It made it way, way more of a big deal

*big deal than my birthday, when I got more loot due to lack of competition.

(First para is for Elf - should have refreshed!)

I discussed this a few weeks ago,on a thread,which has seemingly disappeared,and a member of MNHQ said that threads will not be censored.
I wasn't the only one who objected to the censorship at the time.

Spoiler warnings are one thing,though I still think they should be voluntary,but that's a concession towards other,presumably other adult, forum members. This is not a forum intended for children,so I see no good reason why anyone should have to start censoring themselves because they might be reading. I'm curious to know if this will apply to other possibly contentious wording in thread titles.

It's a bit depressing when people equate believing in Santa with being able to enjoy the magic of Christmas, if you ask me. I am not in the least religious but to me the real meaning of it has always been the lovely warm, cosy, happy family time, sparkly lights, good food, giving and receiving gifts and generally just making good memories. I can't even remember when I stopped believing in Santa but I can tell you that knowing it was my parents who did the whole thing in no way diminished my enjoyment.

Nor mine. When my parents told me Santa didn't exist (which I already knew), I got a twix. The memory remains golden.

a member of MNHQ said that threads will not be censored

Yes and she was going against a previous memo from HQ to say they will not have such thread titles.

Not everyone is a Blackadder - some are just Baldricks

This is true, its just she is a MIL^, so more likely to be Blackadder and DM are more likely to be Baldricks. Isn't that right Hackult