AIBU to be upset at MIL for telling ds this? *title edited by MNHQ elves*

[rocketjam]

DS is 9 and for a couple of years, he's been doubting that Santa exists, but we tell him that some children believe he exists, some children don't, and that's ok. I always make a big deal out of Christmas, and try to create a lovely family celebration as I have very fond memories of Christmas as a child and I want to do the same thing for my children. We are a Christian family and attend Church, Sunday School, etc and it's a very special time of the year.

MIL told me many times in the past that she always told her children - DH and his sister - that Santa doesn't exist as she didn't want to confuse them and didn't want to be accused of lying to them as they got older.

When DS (now 9 YO) asked her if Santa existed, instead of saying what we say - (maybe he doesn't, what do you think?) she actually answered 'No darling, he doesn't exist' and then she told me over the phone that DS was upset because we had lied to him.

IABU to be upset over this? She apologised and sounded very sorry, and I told her not to worry about it because she worries about everything and I don't want to cause any more damage/conflict especially at this time of year. But inside I am fuming.

IMHO....

...MIL expressly telling your DGS that FC doesn't exist when expressly asked not to by you = a bit twattish
...posters upthread calling MIL a cunt and a bitch for this = a bit of an overreaction
...someone else upthread saying that "Christmas is basically pagan so you shouldn't be making a big deal out of this" = misguided at best
...9-yr olds that believe in FC = possibly quite rare, but not that much of an oddity

i would be fuming over this too.

soooo twatish but not cuntish .

BTW I wouldnt go so far as to say twat or cunt...

He is 9 years old. He has been being fobbed off by his parents for 2 years. He asked someone who he thought would give him a straight answer.

She is not a cunt or a twat or any of the awful things people have been said about her.

Children are allowed to have relationships with people outside their nuclear family. Even their paternal grandmother.

Hakluyt so glad I'm not the only poster that thinks this way I'm beginning to wonder of I live in some sort of alternative reality, that sees grandparents as members of immediate family worthy of having a private relationship with their grandchildren.

This is a child who has been asking the same question for two years, been lied to knows he's been lied too, so finally asks someone he trusts his grandmother. She gives the child the respect he deserves and is honest.
Its far more likely the child is upset becasue he's been lied to for two years.

This thread has two sets of people quite certain that they can see a glaring truth few others can. One set see a conniving MIL determined to undermine a DIL's decisions because she disagrees with them, and the other see a child who can only trust his beacon of light Granny because she, and she alone, will be honest with him.

Either could be right. Or neither. But you'd never know that from the utter certainty with which these views are espoused, and how patronisingly those in disagreement are referred to.

None of us has a clue what the reality of it all is, but OP has a right to her own feelings when something that matters to her happens in her closest relationships. That's about the only certainty, as far as I can see.

we also don't know how the discussion went.the MIL might have initially tried to fob the child off, but he was pressing for a yes or no answer.In that case you can't in all fairness expect someone to lie to keep up your charade.