AIBU to be upset at MIL for telling ds this? *title edited by MNHQ elves*

[rocketjam]

DS is 9 and for a couple of years, he's been doubting that Santa exists, but we tell him that some children believe he exists, some children don't, and that's ok. I always make a big deal out of Christmas, and try to create a lovely family celebration as I have very fond memories of Christmas as a child and I want to do the same thing for my children. We are a Christian family and attend Church, Sunday School, etc and it's a very special time of the year.

MIL told me many times in the past that she always told her children - DH and his sister - that Santa doesn't exist as she didn't want to confuse them and didn't want to be accused of lying to them as they got older.

When DS (now 9 YO) asked her if Santa existed, instead of saying what we say - (maybe he doesn't, what do you think?) she actually answered 'No darling, he doesn't exist' and then she told me over the phone that DS was upset because we had lied to him.

IABU to be upset over this? She apologised and sounded very sorry, and I told her not to worry about it because she worries about everything and I don't want to cause any more damage/conflict especially at this time of year. But inside I am fuming.

It's usually already been sorted by their class mates at around 7 anyway.

Unless you live in a bubble you can't control who says what to your kids.

I also think it's especially boring that we have the SAME frigging argument every year!

Why do you care about other people's traditions so much?

The Queen, of all people, gave a very good answer to a small boy at some presentation, who asked her if Father Christmas was real. She replied "Well, I have always loved believing in him..."

And that Clawdy illustrates the perfect balance. There's no need to be all hard about it with the "It's mummy and daddy that do it. He's a LIE!" attitude.

Yes, I think your MIL was out of order. She should have said "what did Mummy and Daddy tell you?" and then left it as that. She sounds be a bit passive aggressive to me - insists firmly on doing things her way [and to hell what others think or care about] and then acts sensitive, upset and overly worried when people tell her off, so that they will start feeling sorry for her instead of giving her grief.

I'm sure she is great in other ways, just not this one .

So sorry OP. Even before having kids, I would NEVER interfere with what parents told their kids about Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy etc and would simply go along with the family's party line. Disagreeing with them is like stepping on other people's traditions or rubbishing other religions - it's just plain rude.

I like that clawdy surprised the queen had that much tact and warmth.

The Queen is a professional at small talk!

Why are people saying "good grief" to MN changing the title? My dd is 5 and would read over my shoulder and be quite appalled. I think they did the right thing!

Did wonder why mnhq elves had changed the title

If old enough to be able to read it over a mums shoulder then Prob know fc isn't real anyway .......,

Tho blondes believes :)

I haven't read the whole thread but I do think MIL was in the wrong.

I take a youth group in and the age group I take it Year 4 - 6. Last week they had a very heated debate which concluded with

1. Easter Bunny - not real
2. Tooth Fairy - Possibly real, cause why would parents want teeth?
3. Santa is real

I was asked if they were right and I responded with "well if you don't think he is real wait to see if you get anything on christmas morning"

I believe it's up to parents to decide when to out them.

My son has told me kids at school have told him Father Christmas isn't real. I told him that everyone has their own beliefs and whatever he believed was fine. He is 9.

Ironic, OP, you are complaining about your MIL telling your son he isn't real yet you've just told any child who happened to see this thread before it was edited he isn't real.

There will always be threads like this every year as there are babies born all the time so there are always new recruits to the cause .

OP, you are being absolutely unreasonable.

God is the 'some people believe/other's don't' being.

Santa Claus/Father Christmas does NOT exist. It isn't a case of whether we believe in him or not, he flatly, plainly does not exist.

The Santa game is one we play and can enjoy. Children can enjoy pretend games.

Your mil was right to answer honestly from her own perspective.

The weirdest thing about this whole thread is the idea that NO-ONE must ever tell a child ANYTHING unless they first run it by their parents.

Random people have told my DS all sorts of bollocks as well as many kinds of interesting stories and facts. It's what makes them fully rounded and helps them with critical thinking.

... and on Christmas Eve I will be keeping an eye on the Santa Tracker...www.noradsanta.org/

She could have said speak to your mum/dad about that if she didn't want to lie.

She's well out of order IMO.

FC isn't a lie anyway, what a terrible way to put it. It's a childhood magical fantasy that kids love and frankly is part of our culture. It's part of growing up to understand the reality of the situation and a good lesson in life as long as it results from a conversation with a loving parent rather than a mean old bag.

I may love santa but I don't so the Elf thing.

It's just a fun game. The kids still love the ritual of putting out a glass of Baileys for xmas even though they know I will drink it.

They love tracking santa too. It's just a silly Xmas tradition for them now which they enjoy. Although my two youngest still believe and they are almost 8 and 6.

For Santa*

Santa Claus/Father Christmas does NOT exist. It isn't a case of whether we believe in him or not, he flatly, plainly does not exist.

You're joking? Really? I can't believe it! What am I going to tell my son, aged 30? He will be devastated!

Of COURSE he exists - it's whatever you choose to believe. (Well my stocking better bloody well appear again this year or there will be hell to pay )

FC isn't a lie anyway, what a terrible way to put it.
It is a lie when the child is clearly wanting to be told the truth. then it crosses the line between fantasy and lying.

"The weirdest thing about this whole thread is the idea that NO-ONE must ever tell a child ANYTHING unless they first run it by their parents."

It not "NO-ONE" it's only mothers in law. And it's not "parents" it's mothers.

You're joking? Really? I can't believe it! What am I going to tell my son, aged 30? He will be devastated

Add message | Report | Message poster Hakluyt Thu 27-Nov-14 12:49:55
I'll be interested to see if dd gets as excites about Santa Tracker this year as she did last- after all, she'll be 19 by the time Christmas Eve comes........