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Original poster

To be upset that DP has told people that I am pregnant?

192 replies

ThereIsACarInTheKitchen · 25/11/2014 22:03

I have recently found out that I am pregnant but due to a lot of reasons I am not sure that I am going to continue with the pregnancy. I was debating whether I should tell DP or not as he is not the most understanding of people and I was afraid in case he might try and pressurise me into a decision. In the end though I told him but I also explained that I wasn't sure that I wanted to continue with it and because of this I made it clear that I didn't want anyone else to know. That was on Sunday.

Fast forward ahead to today and I was on my break at work. A friend sent me a text just with the word "congrats!" and when I replied asking her what she meant she sent a text back saying "on your pregnancy of course!".

I did confront DP as soon as he got in and he confessed that it had been him who had told her and that he "might" have told some other people.

He doesn't see what the big deal is and thinks I'm overreacting but I didn't want anyone to know and he knew that. He seems to think that if people know then I will change my mind and I will continue with the pregnancy.

I am just so upset and pissed off and I have had a cry. I just don't know what to do now and feel like I can't trust him with anything. He's done this on purpose, I know he has and has put me in an awkward situation. Now people know that I am pregnant (and this friend probably will have told other people as well) I am not going to be able to terminate as everyone will bloody know about it!

Sorry if I am rambling but I am just so upset right now.

OP posts:
Poolomoomon · 26/11/2014 07:41

What a truly horrible thing to do. He's tried to manipulate and force you into the decision he wants you to make by essentially shaming you into it, knowing how little you'll want to tell people about a termination. Thinking once people you care about know you won't be able to go through with it, you'll have to continue to please them in a way.

Don't you dare let him make this decision for you. If you want to terminate you do so, it is your body not his. As others have said just tell the people who know you're no longer pregnant, they'll assume you've miscarried as a lot of people do.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this at what will already undoubtedly be a hard time. He's a dick, please review whether you want to continue your relationship with him or not...

Mulligrubs · 26/11/2014 08:01

Wow he is very manipulative! Total bully.

What ever you decide to do, best of luckFlowers

FryOneFatManic · 26/11/2014 08:04

I'd dump this manipulative arsehole and then take my time to make my decision about the baby.

OP, if you feel a termination is the best decision for you, then don't let the fact that this twunt went and told people affect your decision.

Thanks
NormaStits · 26/11/2014 09:06

Agree with everyone else that your (I can't even say partner because he's not in any true sense of the word) whateverheis is an absolute and utter cunt. He should be supporting you. Even if he disagrees with the principle of a termination he should not have involved anyone else in the situation.

I think you should make the termination decision as if you were a single woman, because even if you wait to dump him, you do need to dump him. You cannot rely on this man to be a partner to you in life. You cannot rely on him to be a parent, if he's capable of this, what kind of emotional abuse would he subject your child to? Either this one or any future ones you had with him.

Littlef00t · 26/11/2014 10:20

Oh dear, there isn't a word to describe him. You can still call it a mc, medically induced yes but still a mc.

My concern is how calculating he was in telling people. DH and I told one person each to support us before telling more people after the 12 wk scan, and this was a wanted pregnancy.

It shows a complete disregard for you and your views, preferences and feelings.

threshers123 · 26/11/2014 10:35

My OH did this, told his Mum and Dad before I'd had time to process that I was even pg, and tried to guilt me into keeping the pg. His Mum told me I was selfish for considering termination. Needless to say I did what I wanted but it was an afwul time in my life... you have my sympathy Sad

NeedsAsockamnesty · 26/11/2014 10:43

Shocking disregard for you as a person.

Words fail me as to just how manipulative and nasty his behaviour is,its not the first time I've heard about men behaving like this but the few times I've talked to women about it it has turned out that the blokes were very abusive and had even sabotaged contraception!

addictedtobass · 26/11/2014 11:56

What a fucking controlling cunt. He purposefully told people to take this decision from you OP. Whatever you decide to do pregnancy wise I'd knock the 'd-ick-'P on the head. Don't let him be in your life any more OP whatever you chose, this is just a taster of what he'd be like later.

In fact I'd show him this thread after you make your choice on what to do with him and the pregnancy. Chances are given his behaviour he won't give a shit though.

Callani · 26/11/2014 13:17

Oh OP, that's such a horrible situation you're in and what a complete knobber your "D"P is.

There is absolutely no reason why him telling people should impact on your choices - as pp have said mc are sadly common in the first trimester.

I had an abortion when I was younger (mostly as I had a boyfriend that seems to rival yours on the twattery scale) and a friend of mine who had an accidental pregnancy at a similar time decided against it but then ended up having a mc three weeks later.

magoria · 26/11/2014 13:20

You know him well. He has done exactly what you thought applied pressure for what he wants.

Carry on with your plans and decision. Hopefully including ending this relationship.

aprilanne · 26/11/2014 13:27

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Blueteas · 26/11/2014 13:27

Furious for you, OP. From what you say, he told people deliberately in order to increase social pressure on you that might prevent you from terminating the pregnancy. It was an incredibly cruel thing to do. Don't be swayed by it, but whatever decision you come to about the pregnancy, I would reconsider your relationship with a man who blackmails, and doesn't believe you should have ultimate autonomy over your own body.

Blueteas · 26/11/2014 13:29

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addictedtobass · 26/11/2014 13:31

aprilanne then he should discuss that with the OP, not try to manipulate her. He can be a man who wants just that, that doesn't make him any the less controlling and manipulative- which is also abusive.

And it's no ones business why the OP does or doesn't want to continue a pregnancy. You alos have no idea if it was planned so where did you get that from?

aprilanne · 26/11/2014 13:33

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aprilanne · 26/11/2014 13:35

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whois · 26/11/2014 13:40

How can you stay with your 'd'p??

Agree with a PP if you do decide to terminate you can just say you're no longer PG and don't want to talk about it.

AcquiredTaste · 26/11/2014 13:42

Telling her friend so as to pressure OP was a manipulative thing to do and not on at all. Having said that I do think that if it is a good friend then he could have (unknowingly) done you a favour. Now you have will havesomeone to talk to about it and help you decide, instead of feeling all the pressure on your own. I do also think that if it is his baby that you should ask his opinion. If he wants it and there are no big medical concerns then why not keep it and let him have the baby?

youareallbonkers · 26/11/2014 13:42

Doesn't your partner have a say in whether you go ahead with the pregnancy? It is his baby too. And to those who say she shouldn't have to have a baby with someone who would so something so awful, you are right...if only there were ways to avoid having babies with men who are awful...

MrsNutella · 26/11/2014 13:42

aprilanne there is a typo in your first post. You've written "planned" where I believe you meant "unplanned".
I understand your point, that the father may just be desperate to keep this baby.

Granted we only have one side of a very complicated situation. I think it is horribly manipulative of this man op and its a total breach of trust. It doesn't show that he has much regard for you & your needs or wishes. I'm sorry you're in this situation. You need to still make a choice that is best for you.

I think my first decision would be to reconsider the relationship with this man.

aprilanne · 26/11/2014 13:44

your right mrs nutella it was ment to say unplanned .

SanityClause · 26/11/2014 13:48

Doesn't your partner have a say in whether you go ahead with the pregnancy? It is his baby too. And to those who say she shouldn't have to have a baby with someone who would so something so awful, you are right...if only there were ways to avoid having babies with men who are awful...

Her partner can have an opinion, but the final decision rests with the person who has to carry and give birth to the child.

You have no idea of the backstory of how this child was conceived. And there are no 100% failsafe methods of contraception, except for abstinence.

Blueteas · 26/11/2014 13:50

Aprilanne, abortion law in this country does, fortunately, mean that you can choose to terminate a pregnancy for any reason, including that a pregnancy at this time does not to work for you. Also, this is not a 'baby'.

The OP has her reasons for considering termination, but is not obliged to discuss them with an Internet forum.

Booboostoo · 26/11/2014 14:00

What he did to you was awful and unforgivable. No matter what you decide about the pregnancy, and it's your decision to make, dump the manipulative git.

TheCraicDealer · 26/11/2014 14:04

Tell the friend (or anyone else) that it's very early days and you've been bleeding, so you're not telling many people and please can they not tell anyone. Then if you decide later you don't want to continue the pregnancy you'll be able to tell them you've miscarried.

He should never, ever have put you in this position. Honestly, loving partners do not do this to each other.

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