to not understand this text (am I being thick emoticon)

[catfourfeet]

STBXH has memory issues but refuses to allow me to to allow me to text during contact to check up on ds2 11 and ds 9.

I asked that stbxh does not obstruct dd 13 from texting / replying to texts so that i may check on ds's.

this is reply I got

"I wont stand in the way of any agreement that you have seen necessary to make with our daughter, no matter how lacking in utility"

WTF does that mean !!!!

He means he won't stop DD but he doesn't think it's necessary.

It means 'Do what you like regarding DD but I think it's unhelpful and unnecessary and I am a knob '

He's just saying, whatever, do what you want. Fairly clear, if slightly waffly, I would have thought.

tbh Ive never heard the phrase " lacking in utility" before, is commoon phrase that ive just missed ??

That's what it means. But I don't think he's a knob to want his contact time not interrupted unless it is really, really necessary. And if he takes DCs somewhere where it is polite to turn phones off, you will be out of touch and it is JTB.

I've never heard the phrase either.

He's saying he won't get in the way of it but thinks it's pointless.

He's also saying he's a massive bellend who feels like the use of a thesaurus makes him better than you.

Did he mean civility? Lacking in civility. Maybe?

I'm trying to think what predictive text mistake that could be but struggling ...

I mean that I think he's a bit of a knob to use that phrase. It's from what I think of fondly as the You Are Not Kofi Annan You Are A Twat On Email school of separated parenting.

Lacking in utility just means having no use or purpose. How can he stop the kids using their own phones?

Even if it is the phrase he meant to use (no idea what it means) it is pretty twattish- however using your daughter to check up on your sons is not really fair on anyone.

it is necessary to disrupt contact time as last time ds3 hit his head badly, I knew nothing about it , stbxh had forgotten and I didn't know to look out for concussion etc.

It's a strange and slightly verbose turn of phrase but I do see his point. They are not babies, is it really necessary to keep checking up on him them?

Seems fairly straightforward to me, rough translation is : I wont interfere if you have had an arrangement but its pretty pointless. Otoh why are you butting in to his contact time ? surely at 13, 11 & 9 (hope thats right) they are more than capable of calling you should they feel the need ? or is there a special need for you to do this that we are unaware of ?

But surely your daughter could tell you about any incidents when they came home? Texting whilst they are in his care to check up on them is going to generate bad feeling.

At that age my DD like me to text her goodnight when she was at her dad's. My DS is 16 and he likes to message me. It's normal.

stbxh has memory issues, he forgets completely stuff that has happened whilst having contact with the children..

Last time DS 9 hit his head badly, Ds 11 DD 13 were not aware ofo what had happened.

On drop off nothing was said as STBXH had forgotten all about it.

I could of happily put ds to bed if he had complained of feeling tired and not having any reason to think about concussion

I have asked STBXH to think of ways arond this issue. He refuses all sugestions.

I wouldn't say 'lacking in utility' is a common phrase in everyday conversation, but I'm a bit surprised how many people haven't come across the words as individual words before. As LineRUnner says, it's a bit OTT in terms of formality, but it is pretty clear English, I think. He is possibly a bit of a twat for being so formal, but I think he has a point, too - the DCs aren't babies. On the other hand, I have always texted DD when at her father's if I felt like it (and before she had a mobile I phoned on the landline) and he never had a problem.
YA obviouslyNBU for not understanding someone, and also not BU for wanting to be in contact with your children, but he is NBU to think it is unnecessary in terms of practicality.

How long does a quick text take? To put the mums mind at rest.

i'll be willing to bet the kids are probably on their phones doing stuff during the day at some point anyway

It's hardly 'obstructing'. One text.

But if the other 2 children weren't aware of the incident with your son then texting to check up on them won't help anyway?

I know what the word utility means, just never heard it in that particular context.

if you type utility into your phone..see the alternative predictive words it gives you. One is Quality. He means lacking in quality, I presume? He things your agreement is lacking in quality? Ie stupid?

I have asked DD to make sure she is with the ds this coming contact time .
If STBXH would let me text him every 2 hours or so ( thats about how long his memory is "good" for) then it would be simple.

Does your STBXH constantly text the children while they are in your care?

Tbh I think you are being ott. DS is 9 so perfectly capable of telling you he bumped his head that day. Do none of the children have accidents in your care? And if they do, do you tell your ex about them?

If you don't think this man, their father is capable of taking care of the children then you should not be letting him have unsupervised access. If he can take care of them then stop interfering in HIS time with HIS children by texting them constantly.