to not understand this text (am I being thick emoticon)

[catfourfeet]

STBXH has memory issues but refuses to allow me to to allow me to text during contact to check up on ds2 11 and ds 9.

I asked that stbxh does not obstruct dd 13 from texting / replying to texts so that i may check on ds's.

this is reply I got

"I wont stand in the way of any agreement that you have seen necessary to make with our daughter, no matter how lacking in utility"

WTF does that mean !!!!

flossy would you expect your dcs school to leave it up to a 9 year old to tell you about a head injury ?

and if your child didn't tell you then its not the schools fault,, your child must have memory issues.

Sorry Where I thought this topic was AIBU. Is it not?

I have 4dc intotal

DS1 16 will not see his dad

dd 13 , ds 2 11 and ds3 9 do see him.

I may have typed incorrectly

Yes, but I was just pointing out that op never asked if she was BU about the texting, just her ability to understand a text

fishfingers one and the same Im afraid

I think sis was "helping" him text , it wasnt "his voice IYKWIM. and its just her style to be all "Kofi"

OP schools have accident books and write notes out immediately however there are countless threads on here where children have suffered injuries and school has failed to inform the parents.

I am assuming DS was not severely injured or concussed as you previously said you thought your ex as capable of dealing in the moment. There for I do not think it is a crime that he forgot to mention it as all your children are old enough to communicate with you effectively.

Instead of texting every 2 hours how about talking to your DC's when they come home and ask them whether or not they have been injured during contact?

Okay

I think there is a potential problem with keeping the children safe when they are with. It's a big responsibility for dd age 13 to keep you posted of how the younger children are at contact.

Is there another adult present in ex DHs home when the children are there?

flossy would you expect your dcs school to leave it up to a 9 year old to tell you about a head injury ?

and if your child didn't tell you then its not the schools fault,, your child must have memory issues.

Ok, you do seem to be obsessing about flossy and the school analogy.

I still do not understand why this has not been addressed in the formal access arrangements. If you don't have any then, yes, for your children's safety, you should address this.

Otherwise, don't text every two hours, that's unreasonable

OP stop trying to focus on the school issue. He was at school he was with his dad.

However if school failed to inform you your son banged his head would you then take to texting his sibling every 2 hours to ask about their well fair?

cat I thought I recognised this. I remember reading a couple of your threads a few months ago. I didn't realise you had separated from dh.
It doesn't seem like your life had got any easier with time & your sister is still interfering.
I don't think the posters on here understand what a difficult time you and your husband have had with his ongoing memory issues.
I'm sorry things are still stressful for you.

But you've already said your other children didn't know about the head incident so all texting is doing is undermining your ex husband.

Your daughter can't tell you anything she doesn't know about.

*wasn't not was

flossy Im just asking you to answer a question about a child having an injury where the PC wasn't present. you seem reluctant to answer.

if school failed to inform you your son banged his head would you then take to texting his sibling every 2 hours to ask about their well fair?

If all the adults caring for the children in the school had a 2 hour memory then i would.

I can ask the DCa when they get home.

Id also have trust their judgment if STBXH had given them any aspirin etc because, you see, HE FORGETS !

OP does X write down things that occur that he must not forget? And put it somewhere he will see it?

I have answered 3 times however you have failed to answer my questions OP.

I have asked why don't you talk to your DC's when they come home and ask them about any mishaps or injuries?

You have already said Ex can care for them in the moment it is telling you about it later that is the issue. Given all your DC's can communicate effectively surely asking them on their return is better all round than constantly texting. Besides you said yourself your DD was unaware of the accident so the 2 hour texting was pointless in this instance

hi fish
my situation seems more clear cut than it is but STBXH memory has improved so hopefully he can live fully intdependent in the future.

At present he does not feel he HAS any memory problems.

Besides you said yourself your DD was unaware of the accident so the 2 hour texting was pointless in this instance

which is why this time I am asking DD to stay with her DB at all times. and yes she's thrilled about that.

I have answered 3 times however you have failed to answer my questions OP.

no flossy you havent

which is why this time I am asking DD to stay with her DB at all times. and yes she's thrilled about that.

That is massively unfair on your daughter.

If your ex is really incapable of remembering something for more than 2 hours he surely shouldn't gave unsupervised access to your children.

Right OP.

If my childs school failed to inform me of a head injury then I would of course complain. However I would also expect a 9 year old to tell me. I wouldn't then expect 2 hour contact nor would I expect his sibling to be glued to his side.

You cannot in one breath say your ex is capable to look after the DC's in 1 breath then demand his sister never leave his side & keep 2 hour contact. By enforcing this you are making contact time miserable for everyone. So what is the point of them going?

dammed if i do , dammed if i don't

XH has a bad memory problem which he is in denial about. AIBU to be concerned about the safety of DCs in his care and therefore request a quick 2 hourly contact with them while they are in his sole charge?

YANBU