To Expect a Vegetarian Option at Christmas Lunch?

[HedgePony]

I am a vegetarian but for the last two Christmasses at my MiL's house, there has been nothing for me to eat at Christmas lunch! Literally all I can have is the peas! (I can't eat the potatoes as they are cooked in the goose fat and I can't eat the stuffing as it is cooked inside the goose.)

Then, for supper, there is only scraps - i.e. whatever is leftover from lunch and whatever else might be in the fridge. For everyone else this means cold goose or turkey, cold ham, cold pigs in blankets, etc. For me, this means wilted old salad and a wedge of cheese if I am lucky.

The first year, I thought it must have been an oversight (although I was upset about it as I had only had DD a few weeks before and was breastfeeding so I needed to eat). But when it happened again the next year, I was actually really upset.

I don't get on with MiL very well and she is quite a passive-aggressive person. So I sort of think maybe she is doing it on purpose. (Money is absolutely no object for her and I don't think it's that she doesn't have time either - she pretty much does the minimum for Christmas lunch/buys ready made stuff.)

I have on occasions when staying there taken veggie tarts, etc with me, but I am not sure if I should do this (as a host, I would be embarrassed if a guest felt they had to bring their own food!).

I should probs help more in the kitchen tbh but then I am busy looking after DD and I do help a bit.

Am I being unreasonable?!

Please make yourself the most amazing lunch, with everything you would want to eat for christmas dinner and take it with you all plated up. Smile sweetly and tell her you brought your own so as not to put her out - better still take lots of veggie dishes and tell everyone they are welcome to dig in.

Next year, family christmas for you and your husband at home.

Again you're blaming your DH's lack of bollocks on his upbringing.

Not that it takes a pair of bollocks to politely ask that an edible dinner might be provided for his wife on Christmas day.

You and your DH have your own family together now.

In future I suggest you all stay home and if he wants to visit his family over the Christmas period he can.

What your DH did was at best absolutely thoughtless (tucking into a big dinner while his breast feeding wife was crying and eating fuck all), and at worst absolutely fucking selfish.

I'm shocked DH didn't stop eating and make you something. What a whimp!

She is definitely doing this on purpose. Most normal hosts would be mortified if they had forgotten to get you something for dinner let alone Christmas dinner & would bend bend over backwards trying to put a plate of food together for you to eat.

I would take my own food this year & if there are any comments about bringing your own food
& you're made to feel uncomfortable then DO NOT go next year. Your husband needs to put his mum in her place if she going to play stupid games.

God how depressing I guess she really does hate me then.

Sort of thought that might be the case - DH's family is very, very upper class. (Not new money at all Wantsunshine - about as aristocratic as it's possible to get without actually being the queen.) My family is the exact opposite and I think they wish DH had married someone more "of his ilk". MiL have also had various run-ins over the years. Of course she would never actually tell me she doesn't like me or openly criticise me - because that's not what DH's family do - but she would instead just do passive-aggressive things like this.

Tell your husband you don't fancy another year starving only eating peas and carrots so you are not going again. Ever.

why go? just be honest and one of you say that you are having xmas dinner at home as you are vegetarian and its no fun for you if there is nothing for you to eat, OR, just have a civil conversation and say you will take nutroast/cauli cheese/whatever dish that you like for yours, OR invite them to you and cook them a veggie lunch and see how they like it..

sulking/saying nothing/going there expecting to get nothing is not going to be fun for any of you

Oh fgs it's your DH that's the problem!
You are making excuses for him.
No 'lovely' man will sit there and let his bf eat peas while he tucks in. You should really open your eyes op.
Your mil is not the issue.

OP, your in laws demonstrate no class whatsoever.

And if your MIL was really as posh as she say, she wouldn't be cooking lunch herself.

She will learn a quick lesson. By not accommodating you, you won't take your family to gets Xmas day.

Does she cater for you at other non Christmas meal times

Oops, as poshas YOU say.

God how depressing I guess she really does hate me then.

I doubt it has anything to do with you. I imagine she's pleased to see that she brought her son up to be a terrible, inadequate partner who can't make even the simplest request of his parents.

Oh I give up!

If I had dinner on the table and had forgotten to make a vegetarian meal. I would at least go and get some bread and cheese out the fridge and appologise profusely.

I would also expect my DH to say you must eat let me nip to the kitchen and get you something.

You will have an awful time waiting for your dinner...Are you far away could you not go after lunch.. take a few bits you can eat for supper? If indeed you want to go.

You say DH wouldn't say anything have you had a conversation with him at all? What did he say ?

"DH's family is very, very upper class."

So? What did you husband say at the time? Why is accepting a 3rd invitation still on the cards?

Either his upbringing is responsible and the behaviour so ingrained that he turn into one of them and cannot possibly change and it must affect every aspect of his personality.

Or it's an excuse for his behaviour, which is abhorrent.

Exactly Starlight. My DH would rush to the kitchen to make something for me.

I think you are in for a rough time when the blinkers fall off and you see your husband for what he is.

Take sandwiches! :)

Next time she comes to your house give her a plate of peas and carrots.

That you've spat in .....

I either wouldn't go or would take my own food. Beat her at her own game!

It's not a 'posh' thing. It's not because you're from a different background to her. Likely she doesn't hate you either.

But she does sound a rude cow, and your husband seems a spineless toad.

Maybe posh but certainly no class. Your dh needs to grow a pair and stand up to her. You are his family now.

Can you not suggest getting caterers in for lunch if your MIL is only heating up ready meals anyway. Get your husband to pay for them for being spineless for the past few years or refuse to go.