To Expect a Vegetarian Option at Christmas Lunch?

[HedgePony]

I am a vegetarian but for the last two Christmasses at my MiL's house, there has been nothing for me to eat at Christmas lunch! Literally all I can have is the peas! (I can't eat the potatoes as they are cooked in the goose fat and I can't eat the stuffing as it is cooked inside the goose.)

Then, for supper, there is only scraps - i.e. whatever is leftover from lunch and whatever else might be in the fridge. For everyone else this means cold goose or turkey, cold ham, cold pigs in blankets, etc. For me, this means wilted old salad and a wedge of cheese if I am lucky.

The first year, I thought it must have been an oversight (although I was upset about it as I had only had DD a few weeks before and was breastfeeding so I needed to eat). But when it happened again the next year, I was actually really upset.

I don't get on with MiL very well and she is quite a passive-aggressive person. So I sort of think maybe she is doing it on purpose. (Money is absolutely no object for her and I don't think it's that she doesn't have time either - she pretty much does the minimum for Christmas lunch/buys ready made stuff.)

I have on occasions when staying there taken veggie tarts, etc with me, but I am not sure if I should do this (as a host, I would be embarrassed if a guest felt they had to bring their own food!).

I should probs help more in the kitchen tbh but then I am busy looking after DD and I do help a bit.

Am I being unreasonable?!

OP why don't you ring her and simply ask her would she prefer it if you brought your own veggie meal. Next year do something else for Christmas.
Is you child a veggie as well?

just don't go, I have a much nicer xmas now I have refused to spend it with the IL's - and lovely vegetarian food to boot, win-win!

I wouldn't stay for dinner, just pop in. If she is passive aggressive theres always the chance that she "accidentally" cooks your veggie food using non veggie oil / pours non veggie gravy on it etc, I wouldnt give her the opportunity.

Assuming your husband/partner was there I cannot believe they sat by and watched you eat a plate of peas, especially given you had just had a baby and I really cannot believe they are expecting you to go back again. I think you are being incredibly reasonable about it, you'd wouldn't be at all unreasonable to refuse to go back there for Christmas.

I wouldn't go for Christmas lunch. Have a lovely meal at home, and go for tea. If you absolutely have to.

don't go Take your own. She's either doing it deliberately and so should be ignored, or is loosing her marbles in her old age and is genuinely forgetting and so taking your own is a kindness. I have known people who think vegetarians are somehow trying to be 'difficult' and if she's a harridan she might be that type. Make sure you make lots of cheerful comments about bringing your own to save her from the hideous embarrassment of 'forgetting' for a third year running, how mortified she must have been as a hostess, that you've entertained your friends all year with the funniest story of dotty old granny not remembering what vegetarianism is, comparing her to the Royle family granny - 'can she have ham if it's thinly sliced Barbra' that type of thing.

Being a veggie doesn't mean you have to be a pushover.

Well, why don't you call her a couple of weeks beforehand and say that you are bringing a nut roast that you've cooked in advance or whatever to put in the oven? If there really are only peas (what? No sprouts or parsnips or carrots? ) take some of your preferred veg ready cooked and reheat in the microwave. Are you more bothered that she is not trying or more bothered that you are hungry? Frankly if I had a particular dietary requirement I would make a point of saying "What can I bring? I don't want to put you to the trouble of another meal." Also in our family everyone contributes to the Christmas meal anyway so someone bringing vegetarian stuffing or extra side dishes is just the norm. I would think it very rude to turn up to someone's for Christmas without asking them what I could bring or how I could help.

You need to drop the concept of being a guest - you are family. Take your own mains and don't feel bad about it.

Did you husband seriously sit there and eat Christmas dinner two years in a row when you had no food? I don't care who his mum is you husband is a spineless, selfish toad.

How does he explain this and why on earth are you going there again?

Why do you have to go to your MILs every year for Christmas anyway? Why not put your foot down and have Christmas at home this year. Tell your DH that his Mum doesn't exactly make you feel very welcome when she can't be arsed to cook anything you can eat.

Or maybe invite them round to yours and then serve them a veggie Christmas lunch

Either your DH grows a pair or take food.

I can not believe you are even considering her feelings if she can't be arsed to make food for you.

Its not that hard.

You've been there 2 years in a row. She has been exceedingly rude. I think you are within your rights to say that this year you should all stay home.

Are you a namechanger as well as a vegetarian op? Just curious.

Strangely my ex's dad insisted that I was a vegetarian for three years, even though I had never told him I was. Everyone else would sit down to an amazing roast dinner and he would pull out my 'special' plate of cauliflower cheese

YADNBU, your husband needs to have a word. Maybe she thinks that you can eat the trimmings as they're 'not really meat'?

If you are going to hers this year turn up with a veggie curry and naan bread or something equally in her face. If any comment is passed just say you don't want to go hungry.

Why do you go? I think it's fairly obvious she doesn't want you there, or feels its too much hassle.

I cater for a veggie, a coeliac, a pescatarian and am extreme fusspot at Christmas. You invite someone you cater for them unless you are a bit of a cunt. Stay home.

Where was the rest of the christmas veg? We have about 8 veg at christmas?

I can't believe you didn't get up and rummage for food while breastfeeding

If ever there was a time to yell 'give me some fucking food you old bitch I'm trying to feed your grand daughter here you mad old witch' that was it

How the friff do people put up with this shite?

YABU you can eat any of it, you choose not to. There's a simple rule for vegetarians in our house, either make do or bugger off. As a meat eater I would simply choose to decline an invitation to a vegetarian meal.

I would offer to bring a veggie option now. It will make it much harder for her to 'forget' and means you can reasonably bring one- but only bring it out when you see she has provided nothing for you again. Just say in front of everyone, 'oh, I forgot my (insert dish name here), I'll just pop it in the oven/ microwave'.

YANBU. Your MIL sounds like a witch. Poor you.

The bigger problem is your DH. He needs to stand up for you. You were bf your baby and he let you go hungry! Is he always this neglectful of you/your feelings?

Either BYO or don't go. I'd just not go to be honest.

Gosh, Dirk, what a delightful host you must be.

More fool you if you go there again this year.

Why do you keep going to her for Christmas lunch?

If you feel you can't speak to her, ask your DH to.

All he has to do is ask her to get you that veggie tart thing.

How awful. Two things - definitely don't go if you're treated with such obvious contempt and will end up starving, and yes - your husband is a disgrace for doing/saying nothing. Unacceptable.