To Expect a Vegetarian Option at Christmas Lunch?

[HedgePony]

I am a vegetarian but for the last two Christmasses at my MiL's house, there has been nothing for me to eat at Christmas lunch! Literally all I can have is the peas! (I can't eat the potatoes as they are cooked in the goose fat and I can't eat the stuffing as it is cooked inside the goose.)

Then, for supper, there is only scraps - i.e. whatever is leftover from lunch and whatever else might be in the fridge. For everyone else this means cold goose or turkey, cold ham, cold pigs in blankets, etc. For me, this means wilted old salad and a wedge of cheese if I am lucky.

The first year, I thought it must have been an oversight (although I was upset about it as I had only had DD a few weeks before and was breastfeeding so I needed to eat). But when it happened again the next year, I was actually really upset.

I don't get on with MiL very well and she is quite a passive-aggressive person. So I sort of think maybe she is doing it on purpose. (Money is absolutely no object for her and I don't think it's that she doesn't have time either - she pretty much does the minimum for Christmas lunch/buys ready made stuff.)

I have on occasions when staying there taken veggie tarts, etc with me, but I am not sure if I should do this (as a host, I would be embarrassed if a guest felt they had to bring their own food!).

I should probs help more in the kitchen tbh but then I am busy looking after DD and I do help a bit.

Am I being unreasonable?!

[EmilyGilmore]

I don't think she wants you there.

Don't go again.

She buys ready-made, only offers peas as a veg (odd), doesn't sound like she's bothered about making it special, particularly for you.

Just say you'll eat at home this year (give no reason unless pressed) and see her before or after.

[LadyLuck10]

Your problem is not your mil it's your DH!! What kind of person sits there and allows his oh to have a lame meal while everyone is feasting.
He's worried about upsetting her, but doesn't care about you being upset? Well that really tells you a lot

[Gileswithachainsaw]

dirk

potatoes and stuffing can easily be made vege with no sacrifice at all. equally it's not hard to buy a jar of vege bistro and add hit water so the poor woman has some gravy. how hard is it yo zap a vege meal while te6h turkey rests. Ffs you lazy selfish host

[dirkdiggler1]

Gosh, Dirk, what a delightful host you must be

I just take the French approach to vegetarians.

[Anthracite]

I was wondering that too, Laurie. It would be very easy to have your fill of very nice calories without resorting to turkey or sausages at my Christmas lunch.

I don't cater for faddy eaters, but do provide plenty. If I had a guest with a medical need, I would gladly accomodate, if they let me. Anyone else can let their principles/fads slip for one meal, ie it won't hurt to go without protein for that day in this world of plenty.

I don't really think you can win with some vegetarians as many will turn their noses up at your best efforts to provide an alternative protein, such as nut cutlet. It makes Christmas about them rather than the Almighty ??

[CremeEggThief]

YANBU, OP. This is awful behaviour from both your DH and MIL.

But YABU if you go there again...

[Firedemon]

No dirk, you're just a dick.

[HedgePony]

DH hasn't said anything as MiL is a real matriarch and he and the other children have been brought up in a very upper class, stiff upper lip, no confrontation kind of way. He's a lovely man though - but, no, would never stand up to his mother!

No one actually says what they think in that family or talks about how they feel etc. - hence why I suspect MiL is being passive-aggressive. Rather than tell me she has a problem with me she is the type of person who would do something like this :-( .

[MrSheen]

She doesn't like you, or feed you. You have a toddler. Stay at home FFS.

[MrSheen]

I mean FFS in the nicest possible way. It's not your fault, and in that regard, you can't actually do anything but remove yourself (or put up with it).

[PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange]

I would stay at home.

[LadyLuck10]

Op you can make all the excuses for your DH but as long as he allows his mother to do this she will. So that means she will treat you any way that she wants and he will keep quiet to please her? I wonder why you accept that.

[lunar1]

You are kidding yourself, no lovely man would eat a meal while his wife went hungry.

[CombineBananaFister]

YANBU - i can understand someone not wanting t do loads of different stuff for faddy eaters but as you've already said you'd be happy with some sort of veggy tart not some cooked from scratch meal.

Think she is being rude as a host and even if she doesn't agree with your principles she should provide you with a meal. She is being a twat, your OH is being gutless at worst or thoughtless at best.
take your own no qualms, her tough shit if she feels embarassed - and that's from someone who is a farming family and vegetarianism is alien to us

[Anthracite]

Don't rock the boat. Think about the will :)

[mewkins]

I am veggie and have taken my own food in the past. You could make something biglike a nutroast or veg strudel that just needs heating up and say that anyone that wants it can have some. Some people just don't get that vegetarians like roasts too.

I would also get some nice veggie tarts etcfor the evening.

[MaryWestmacott]

Oh easy - just tell your DH that as your MIL doesn't actually make you a Christmas lunch, you won't go to watch him and his siblings eat a Christmas lunch and he can explain that to his mother - or just say you've decided to stay at home this year.

Do your own lunch, build your own family traditions, perhaps invite your PIL over for boxing day and show them how to be a good host.

If she wanted you there she'd cater for you, she is telling you as well as she can that she is just tolerating your presence, not wanting you to be happy, so she will want you to decide to stay at home.

[TheSpottedZebra]

Hedge, you've not said if you want to go to her house, or indeed, why you're going.

Just don't go.

But have fun in passive aggressively inviting her to yours, you really want to do a Xmas dinner, the hospitality at hers has shown you what Xmas is all about etc etc. It's about family! So time for her to sit back and let you look after her for once.

[WorraLiberty]

DH hasn't said anything as MiL is a real matriarch and he and the other children have been brought up in a very upper class, stiff upper lip, no confrontation kind of way. He's a lovely man though - but, no, would never stand up to his mother!

Will you stop blaming your MIL for your DH's lack of backbone!

"Mum, can you please buy something in for my wife. She quite likes those veggie tarts from Waitrose".

Has no-one taught him the difference between confrontation and conversation?

[FunkyBoldRibena]

OP - why are you ignoring the suggestions to stay at home and make your own dinner?

[WorraLiberty]

You are kidding yourself, no lovely man would eat a meal while his wife went hungry.

And a breast feeding wife at that.

[Mrsgrumble]

Er... dirks house sounds so welcoming

Your dh is a bit of a wimp

[Bakeoffcakes]

Just take something for yourself.

We are that this year for dd as we are going to PIL.
Dd became a vegetarian this summer and MIL seemed a bit worried about what to cook for her. I said we would bring her food, so she doesn't have to worry.

[CleanLinesSharpEdges]

Just don't go.

It really is that simple.

If you do go, then don't moan. It's your own fault for going, knowing exactly what to expect.

Your DH is pathetic and no support at all. Sat there stuffing his face whilst his breastfeeding wife eats a plate of veg, not saying anything in case he upsets mummy.

Nobody would be allowed to do that to me twice, never mind a third time.