To Expect a Vegetarian Option at Christmas Lunch?

[HedgePony]

I am a vegetarian but for the last two Christmasses at my MiL's house, there has been nothing for me to eat at Christmas lunch! Literally all I can have is the peas! (I can't eat the potatoes as they are cooked in the goose fat and I can't eat the stuffing as it is cooked inside the goose.)

Then, for supper, there is only scraps - i.e. whatever is leftover from lunch and whatever else might be in the fridge. For everyone else this means cold goose or turkey, cold ham, cold pigs in blankets, etc. For me, this means wilted old salad and a wedge of cheese if I am lucky.

The first year, I thought it must have been an oversight (although I was upset about it as I had only had DD a few weeks before and was breastfeeding so I needed to eat). But when it happened again the next year, I was actually really upset.

I don't get on with MiL very well and she is quite a passive-aggressive person. So I sort of think maybe she is doing it on purpose. (Money is absolutely no object for her and I don't think it's that she doesn't have time either - she pretty much does the minimum for Christmas lunch/buys ready made stuff.)

I have on occasions when staying there taken veggie tarts, etc with me, but I am not sure if I should do this (as a host, I would be embarrassed if a guest felt they had to bring their own food!).

I should probs help more in the kitchen tbh but then I am busy looking after DD and I do help a bit.

Am I being unreasonable?!

FunkyBoldRibena

FOR THE LAST TIME!!
I NEVER said that people who eat meat of any kind are vegetarians!! NEVER EVER!!

I never said it, I don't imagine it to be true and if you THINK I said it then you are wrong.

I don't know why I have to keep saying this?? You seem to have misread my initial post and completely ignored all the subsequent posts which have repeatedly explained why your interpretation was, in fact, not at all what I was saying.

It is this ridiculous attitude which means that when I go to vegetarian restaurants they offer me fish. It's not your fault of course, and I can see why you aren't willing to understand the complexities but it really is that simple.

Come off it. I have never been to a vegetarian restaurant and seen fish on the menu. Even if it was on the menu there would dishes without fish

Surf's up - you need to calm the fuck down.

How would my deciding to think of pescatarians in a negative way change the menu at your local vegetarian restaurant?

I prefer to think of them as vegetarians who make things easier for omnivorous cooks.

This is a light hearted way of pointing out that you can just choose to have a positive attitude to other people's eating choices rather than constantly choosing to make negative judgements unless people conform to strict criteria.

Light-hearted - you should try it!

This is a light hearted way of pointing out that you can just choose to have a positive attitude to other people's eating choices rather than constantly choosing to make negative judgements unless people conform to strict criteria.

I am light hearted. I simply pointed out that you were wrong in your assumption and yet you start on and accuse me of being pathetic and aggressive.

Hows about - not assuming anything and just taking people on face value? It might just change the way you see people. And might make you less judgy in the process.

You can think of them in whatever means you want. But you are wrong

If I thought they were vegetarian then I would be wrong. Agreed.
However, this is neither that I think nor what I said.

I'm perfectly calm too. Getting a but bored of having to repeat myself and being repeatedly accused of thinking something that I don't think, but if you insist on telling me what I do and don't think I suppose there's not much I can do about that?

I simply pointed out that you were wrong in your assumption

an assumption I never made.

FunkyBoldRibena Many of your posts come across as aggressive and anything but light hearted.

FunkyBoldRibena Many of your posts come across as aggressive and anything but light hearted.

Pot>kettle non?

Getting a but bored of having to repeat myself and being repeatedly accused of thinking something that I don't think, but if you insist on telling me what I do and don't think I suppose there's not much I can do about that?

Big lolz. I quoted you directly. Are there two of you in there?

Anyway, did anyone look at the Guardian Christmas vegetarian food recipes, and what did you think?

They seemed a bit complicated to me, but I tend to panic at the sight of more than five ingredients.

But the Goodwill Pie looked really good and would travel well to another person's and last for two or three meals easily.

FunkyBoldRibena Many of your posts come across as aggressive and anything but light hearted.

Pot>kettle non?

I don't make aggressive comments and then claim that I am lighted hearted.

did anyone look at the Guardian Christmas vegetarian food recipes

I haven't yet - will take a look later. I do like a good new recipe.

bickering is pointless & totally off topic

Hi everyone,

Let's all take a deep breath and try a little Christmassy peace and love, whilst contemplating our talk guidelines in a festive way.

And this sort of thread is why the Christmas meal food is not the main reason for gathering in my family.
We get together because we like each other; and considering the huge range of ages, incomes, political ideologies and people on the spectrum in our gatherings, you've all just made me feel such gratitude and appreciation for my motley crew.
We will have yet another festive season where no one has had a fight, fallen out, become PA or worked themselves up into a frenzy that the caramelised onions have carbonised and when will the teenagers arrive?
Every year, unexciting, peaceful and harmonious with the occasional extended alcohol-fuelled debate about how to fix the world, interspersed with family stories from the past. And the occasional take-away and ready meal.
Poor OP, you had no idea that the thread was going to explode like a spiteful and petty landmine. Hope you resolve things to your satisfaction.

Hear Hear DustInTheWind.

This is really odd. She sounds completely mad. On any other day you might get over it but Christmas Day?! Everyone eats a big meal, vegetarians included!

Take your own. I take a Lentil roast for my husband to my mothers house on Christmas day, with a layer of cranberry sauce in the middle. I make it the day before and it is delicious warmed through in the oven. Don't forget your own gravy too and it sounds like you will need potatoes!

And HedgePony if anyone mentions anything about you taking your own food, be breezy and vague. In fact have something particularly breezy prepared in advance. Oh I'm happy to bring my own food, or oh sorry I didn't think much about it, or I knew you wouldn't mind, or you always host and I must help etc (they might be lies but it will smooth things over).

It really is no big deal and if she chooses to make it one take no part in that conversation, apart from the occasional vague, oh really etc.

DustInTheWind your post is pretty smug and mainly irrelevant.

moononastick, any chance of your recipe? I always do two different nut roasts before Christmas for my daughter and me, (they heat up perfectly if you put a couple of slices in the microwave when you want them) and yours sounds interesting!

To Hedgepony, good luck this year. I find it hard to understand her not catering for you, even if it involves a lot of muttering to herself while she does it. Just plain rude in any class.

I am fascinated by this massive thread!

What I can't quite get my head round is how on earth your DH ended up marrying a vegetarian? I am sure you're lovely, but if his family are as 'aristocratic' as you say I would not be surprised if you are the only one your MIL has ever met. I am sure she doesn't dislike you personally, but her generation mostly regard vegetarianism as fussy eating, so she probably thinks by giving you no alternative you will just have to eat 'properly' - like with fussy small children when you say 'well that's what I have cooked for tea, either eat it or leave it, but you can't just have ice cream instead'.
Also for her 'class'/upbringing call it what you will, vegetarianism makes no sense. She will have been brought up shooting, fishing and possibly hunting. You claim 'old money' and 'aristocracy' - well that means landowning, which means farming. If they are very posh they won't be driving tractors themselves (though it is not unheard of) but their background/income will be one of farming and the countryside. I have yet to meet a farmer who is a vegetarian!
So not only is your attitude to food strange to her, it also means her DIL is (very publicly at Christmas) rejecting everything she grew up with and stands for. Farming provides the nation with food, farmers look after their animals, you for some reason are refusing to eat said food. Cue, treating you like a small child.
I am not saying that it is not rude/unfeeling not to provide you with food on christmas day, but she probably hates cooking (it doesn't sound like a great lunch!) and would be daunted by providing anything else, but I suspect it is much more a 'won't' than 'can't' - and that is directed more at the 'silliness' of refusing to eat meat, than any personal dislike of you. ( I have to say though I am not going to join the 'real vegetarian' debate on here, you do undermine your argument somewhat by eating fish - they die much more slow painful deaths than most farm animals - this will not be helping your case with MIL)
Tbh, I hate fish, it makes me gag, but I am not allergic to it, so it is purely my choice to refuse it - if that meant I went to someone's house and just had peas, that is my choice, not their problem. My friends usually remember and kindly choose a different menu, but I wouldn't expect them to if fish happened to be a traditional christmas meal.
I am also intrigued to how you manage shooting days - most men of his class and age are out every saturday from October to the end of January - does your husband go without you? Does he now refuse to go on (your) principles? Is shooting ok with you on the basis it's wild food not farmed?
Also are you going to educate your dd into being a vegetarian, and if so what does her country/shooting father think about that?
Intrigued!

Bump

What happened OP?