People not RSVP'ing to dd's party

[justalittlelemondrizzle]

Dd is having a birthday party in just over a week. The invitations were sent out at the beginning of the month. Two people still havn't replied dispite putting last week as the rsvp date. I have since spoken to one of them and they said they still didn't know.
WIBU to presume them as not attending? It really annoys me. It's the height of rudeness, they've had almost a month! The venue said I needed to confirm numbers 2 weeks before, which has now past as I am unable to give them final numbers.

yanbu.

Koala That's how parties were done when I was a child, but we are talking about 50 years ago when party venues didn't exist, and houses weren't as small as they are now.

My birthday is near bonfire night so I used to have half a dozen friends round and we would play traditional party games, followed by tea, then a firework display and then a cine film (my uncle had a cine camera and projector).

Oh, of course people should still rsvp! Just wondering why some parents seem to hate children's parties so much...

Bia - my children are 3 and 4. So school and nursery. They go to bed around 9/9.30pm usually, and would be a little later if an event. Weekends bedtime normally later. We don't get home until 7/7.30pm from work and then by te time we have cooked/ everyone eaten/ bathed, it's at least 9pm. Most of our friends the same. A 7pm party means dh and I can just get home an hour earlier than usual that day instead of 1/2 day.
Parents stay for wine/ nibbles, children vary in ages and play/ eat as they like. All very relaxed, basically a glorified play date

Wow-nursery kids up at 9.30pm every night? Not surprised they don't want to go to parties-they will be shattered!

Art what happens when your kids join clubs or develop hobbies? The talented young football player who never commits to a match at his club because his mother's life is too important to do that? While I appreciate everyone can live their own lives I think that once your boys start school and are exhausted after a full day concentrating they won't be partying until late and might appreciate a bit more structure for their developing interests/hobbies/friendships.

Back to the point in hand-I was handed an invitation from my 10 yr old for his new best friend's party last night for the 10th January. Do I ridicule the mother for planning so far ahead and refuse to RSVP or appreciate that the next few weeks are hectic for everyone with kids, the kids are then off school until a couple of days before the party and let's be honest if she doesn't get invitations out now there's not a cat in hell's chance of her knowing how many kids will be attending the Laser Quest event?

Pass me my phone

What do they do for the 4 hours between finishing school and you getting home? Childminder? Do they not get fed? Can't don't believe they don't eat till 8/9pm on weekdays, or that "most" of your friends the same. Are you in the UK?

Anyway this is digressing. Your description of a party is similar to what we might do or go to (though with friends / family rather than a standard kids party), but that isn't relevant to the issue of the RSVP. Do you seriously not see why people think your reasons for not RSVPing to invites are rude?

I hate the attitude of not rsvping because you don't know what you will be doing that far in advance. You might as well say you are holding out for a better offer but will come if that doesn't materialise.

Yes. It does come across like that formerbabe

If I tried to take my 3 year old to a party from 7-9pm he would indeed be very relaxed; he'd be asleep! Either that or over wound and swinging from the light fixtues... That could only work if the children either get up very late, or have a significant siesta in the afternooons...

The ideal children's party time slot varies for a million reasons, obviously, but I favour weekends if siblings are not invited yet parents are expected to stay, (highly inconvenient and imo presumptious to ask for parents to stay but no siblings anyway imo as its a pain in the arse otherwise, for the majority of people) or week day afternoons if drop off or siblings included...

Koala that's how I remember parties in the 80s too. I don't remember the parents staying (they may have done at age 3 or 4).

I decided to do a soft play party as although we have quite a big house I thought 20+ children plus parents was too much. Plus I would feel very anxious about having to facilitate party games etc. I decided to invite the whole class as it's hard to tell who DS is actually friendly with at nursery; other children we know tend to be more children of my friends rather than his friends as such. We went to one party recently which was more just a nice gathering in the living room on a weekday afternoon. When he is older I may well do parties at home. Unfortunately both children have winter birthdays so the weather is likely to be rubbish.

MrTumble that is a very odd way of wanting people to RSVP! Texts and emails are much easier.

Art I expect when your DCs get to school age that will all change!
It is still quite rude not to reply, just say thanks but we're busy. People need an idea of numbers for catering, party bags etc. We can't all budget for anywhere between 5-25. What was it you said about people having different lives? Works both ways.

You parties sound very nice though. I have something involving and unknown number of boys, 5 a side football and a bouncy castle to look forward to. Haven't even done the invitations yet

Art can I ask what you get out of posting on the AIBU threads? You never seem to have any useful insights as far as I can tell or useful feedback; it just seems to be a forum for you to tell us how wonderful (subjective btw) your life is.

Just an observation

They are school age! Yes in in the uk. Honestly I only know of 2/3 families where child sleeps so early. I/ dh collect from school/ nursery and the come back to our office until we finish. Then we eat as family.

They sleep most days 9pm-8am. That's 11hrs as recommended by NHS.

YANBU it is annoying.

I used to have a list of contact numbers of people in the class, if they didn't reply I would ring and ask them or see them at school.
Its the only way you can be sure.
The person who doesn't know yet, may have a valid reason though, not everybody knows when they might be working etc that far in front.

It is annoying if people don't RSVP but I assume that they are either disorganised and have forgotten or that their children have lost the invitation somewhere between school and home (this seems to happen a lot when they are 7 or 8). I usually just text people to remind them or get my children to hassle their children. Nobody has ever told me that they "didn't know" if their children could come but it would irritate me if they did unless they had a good reason.

Artandco I remember you from the thread where you looked down your nose at fishfingers (only fish straight from the harbour is good enough apparently) and were generally very superior regarding the food you give your children. Interesting that you are so unconcerned about whether or not they get enough sleep.

Whatever - ds1 is almost 5, he sleeps 11hrs a day, as recommended by NHS. Ds2 is almost 4, he sleeps 11hrs at night and 2hrs nap in day, which is higher than NHS average.

You said that they went to bed at 9 to 9.30. Surely he has to get up in the morning for school before 8 to 8.30 a.m?

He starts school at 9am, so wakes around 8am, it's 5 min walk to school.

Just got home from work, logged on with a box of Pringles and some South Africian white and hit this bloody rich seem. Hope OP has sorted things out but Art you are a real find! You have actually sat down (as much as your busy important life allowed) and actually cultivated arrogance! You've really worked at it. I don't know if anyone remembers years ago there was a sketch in the Fast Show where they'd always be chopping asparagus tips in balsamic vinegar and the comedian would say something like "Yes today we flew to our friends' beach house in Montevideo, we BBQ'd a mink for our tea and then as the sun was setting, Fleetwood Mac came and shared the mink with us, and then invited us all to accompany them on their forthcoming world tour. Which was nice."

Art - do you know anyone from Fleetwood Mac?

Considering that you said that by the time you have cooked/ everyone eaten/ bathed, it's at least 9pm, he can't fast asleep by 9 p.m though.

Its rude - YANBU. You want to know numbers especially if you are forking out costs - things like go-carting and other expensive activities deserve a response. A month is not a long amount of time to send out an invite. Just say you are assuming they are not attending the next time you speak to then.

I always reply the day we get the invite. It's not hard. Open the envelope, look at the calendar, send the text. Obnoxious to leave in limbo people who are offering hospitality on behalf of excited children.

art forget about what time your dc go to bed etc, and leaving aside what kind of parties you might have, what about the issue of the RSVP to party invites? Why do you think it's ok not to bother replying?

bialy - did you not realise, she cannot commit to anything as she might get a better offer!!

notone I was thinking Modern Parents...