People not RSVP'ing to dd's party

[justalittlelemondrizzle]

Dd is having a birthday party in just over a week. The invitations were sent out at the beginning of the month. Two people still havn't replied dispite putting last week as the rsvp date. I have since spoken to one of them and they said they still didn't know.
WIBU to presume them as not attending? It really annoys me. It's the height of rudeness, they've had almost a month! The venue said I needed to confirm numbers 2 weeks before, which has now past as I am unable to give them final numbers.

Sometimes people do forget to reply or it gets lost in that void of the schoolbag. But it's cheeky if when asked people say they don't know if the child can come or not. They have to make a decision one way or the other.

Really annoys me when people don't reply...particularly if you don't have stacks of spare money and could do without wasted food/party bags etc etc..and with a 7 and nearly 5yr old the thought of having a weekday eve party is pure hell! That's either planning one or attending one!

Tired kids + late parents = my idea of bloody hell!

Your lucky. Out of 30 only 15 bothered to reply

Arc (and all the other non-RSVP-ers) If you received an invitation to a Buckingham Palace Garden Party, would you still think that 'a date so far ahead isn't even on my radar' and not bother to reply?
If so, fine - you really are rude. If not, then extend the same courtesy to people who have also sent you an invitation...

Omg I have just read artandcos posts on this thread. Erm unbelievably inflated, much?! Op of course it's really, really rude not to reply.

Ok then we agree to disagree. I dont RSVP to all events, I didn't say I never, just in general it's not on my radar.

I have a friend who is always late, that's their fault in life. Another forgets kids homework daily, others have other faults. All could be seen as rude also. It's life, nobody is perfect

I think it's just a basic curtesy and it only takes two mins.

Viking - sure. But so are other things and people don't. People wear shoes in others houses, I think that's rude and it takes 2 mins also to take off, for others they think it's normal. Same with 101 things. I doubt everyone does everything

I think art must be winding us up. No one is this rude. After becoming the lone voice in defence of never RSVP-ing art finally conceded its rude and offers the defence that other people are rude for other reasons all the time... So that makes it all right then!

Zen - I haven't said I never reply, I said I don't always. But people are getting knickers in a twist as usual and not reading past what they want

It's the kids who will miss out and a bit selfish.

Just a question if someone has not rsvp and bought a child surely they can be turned away if numbers have been firmed. (I know upsetting for child who isn't at fault) Shocked people are rude and dont know the host know.

I absolutely can't bear it! I don't care if you can't come, just tell me! I don't even care if you don't want to come, just tell me or make up an excuse!

For my ds birthday I was told by one mother she would bring both her kids so I kept the spaces open...at a cost of £16 per child and she never showed up! Still fuming and want my £32 back!

You will be pleased to hear Invitations will diminish.
One girl parents never replied to a party invite and was told by other parents mum never does. So now if my son mentions the said child I refuse to invite.... Not the girls fault she is a nice girl but I have no intention of wasting my time inviting her as she won't come.

Art you have made this thread worth reading! V amusing.

I actually get where you're coming from - social groups are often full of seemingly arbitrary rules and the etiquette around kids' parties is a bit crushing at times, particularly in Reception year when everyone is having whole class parties and gets dozens of invitations.

However, in my opinion, in this case the goodwill of fellow parents will be worth more in the long run than the cost of a quick text reply.

Much as it would piss me off hugely if lots of people took Art's approach, we do need a small number of people in society who challenge the status quo and question 'rules'.

I'm off to dig out an outstanding party invitation and reply to it!

My 3 year old received a party invite on Tuesday. The invite asked for a reply on a land line line number after 18:30. This is awkward as I work evenings and leave at 18:30... However I have tried the number 3 evenings in a row, just after 18:30, and nobody answers the phone, and there is no answer machine... I have never met the mum or dad or any other family member (which is very unusual where we live) .... But I know the number is correct as the mum has an advert up at Kindergarten selling a trike, giving the same number... People here often don't RSVP, just assume everyone will go, but then again 90% of parties are at home... This is a whole day at a riding stables/ farm, with carriage rides, lunch and a riding lesson! I am not 100% its the brightest idea for a 4th birthday... but it must be expensive! I guess I'll keep trying to reply!

I am not in the UK, nor am I a parent, , so take this for what it's worth...

Is the way that parties are 'done' these days part of the problem? When I was a child (Australia, 1980s), children didn't invite the whole class to parties. You invited your friends, and that was it. I don't remember ever feeling upset or left out over it, either.

Also, all parties were held at home, no going to venues or parents paying per head. No paid entertainers, either. Party food out on the table, a few games, and the party bags were just sweets. We loved it!

So overall, it was simpler and cheaper, and you got invited to far fewer parties! Whereas these days, it seems as if parents all have 'party burnout'.

I can sympathise op I have a party for dd next week and am waiting on 6 replies, it's blatent rudeness yes you art! It takes no time to ping off a quick text don't even need to make up an excuse or speak to the person.

I'm also at kids who don't like party's, unless that is just mine that love party's of course.
I think it's the height of rudeness not to reply, not sure I would do another big party next year due to this. The effort of organising food/ party bags and if my dd asks why so and so didn't turn up I will just explain that the parents are rude.

Good luck op!

It's true that people do become reluctant to invite kids whose parents never reply or don't show up after accepting an invitation. No one is trying to punish the child they just don't want to be out of pocket again or be left to guess the child isn't coming.

Tbh you're doing well if only two haven't replied.

I have never ever had anyone not reply.

Find it baffling that there are people who actively choose not to bother to reply. The height of rudeness.

1. "In an ideal world a kids party at ours is 7-9pm, at ours, no RSVP. Does that make everyone rude if they do RSVP, or complain about the time? No. Each family does what suits them and family."

and the award for missing the point - no, YOUR ideal world is that, not the OP and other people on the post

2. "I have a friend who is always late, that's their fault in life.......... All could be seen as rude also. It's life, nobody is perfect"

that can be seen as rude.. because it IS bloody rude

No one is saying you have to go, they are saying have some bloody manners and let people know IF you are going!

But art you said very clearly several times that the reason you don't reply isn't because you forget or you're just one of those scatty people (which is usually the reason for eg forgetting homework, being late etc), it is deliberate on your part because you just have such a crazy wild lifestyle you can't possibly be committed to anything. That's why people are saying its rude.

Out of interest do you really have children's parties till 9pm? Do your or friends' children go to bed at 10, on school nights? Primary school age?

koala I've had most of my children's parties at home too, just with games, food sugar etc, once had a magician, but mostly no other hired entertainment, so it's not always about hiring venues, paying per head etc. But still nice to know who's coming and who's not!!