People not RSVP'ing to dd's party

[justalittlelemondrizzle]

Dd is having a birthday party in just over a week. The invitations were sent out at the beginning of the month. Two people still havn't replied dispite putting last week as the rsvp date. I have since spoken to one of them and they said they still didn't know.
WIBU to presume them as not attending? It really annoys me. It's the height of rudeness, they've had almost a month! The venue said I needed to confirm numbers 2 weeks before, which has now past as I am unable to give them final numbers.

hell I am not so sure - this from Wikipedia about Modern Parents:

"In the March 2008 issue of Viz they visit Uncle Eddie for his daughter Amy's second birthday party"

Art couldn't possibly do that.

She'll be waiting for that offer to fly to necker island for the weekend probably.

How an earth are you all linking an invite to being rich? Utter rubbish.

Nothing to do with being rich, you're right. i was more referring to things like your first post when you said you can't answer an invitation because you may whisk off to Athens or New York at a moments notice.

Athens - it's where he is from. Basically going home a few times a year

New York - paid for by work as business trip

Oh bore off. You implied you go to Athens of a weekend regularly and if your oh has to fly to ny for work, surely you understand most of us wouldn't be able to tag along on a jolly holiday, kids and all. I think you're full of crap. Post on threads where you can demonstrate a modicum of understanding or empathy or dfod. Thanks.

I simply don't believe that you have no idea where you will be spending Christmas in UK, Athens or new York. And even if true you could still have the manners to reply to invitations explaining.you have the time to post here.

Hells - have some empathy yourself. It's not luxury to follow dh. It would dh alone with children if I need to work abroad also. Whoever has the easier trip/ most convient has to take children with them her. We don't have the luxury of a full time live in nanny 24/7.

I actually cannot believe some of you here. I answered a question and have bull thrown back. If you don't like my answer that's fine, but no need to accuse me of neglecting my children or basically dragging them down a drain backwards!

Wtf? Who said anything about dragging your children down a drain?

So when you have to be in New York or the less glamorous Manchester it's not possible for dh to look after the children? What happens if you or dh have meetings away during the week - do your dc miss school?

Don't know why I'm bothering now though tbh. This is all bullshit.

I think hellsandwich said it all much better than I could - nail on head. RSVP or bore off, basically

Art is it just children's party invitations you sometimes don't bother replying to? What about if you get invited to an adult party? And what about these business meetings - do you RSVP to them?
Just because a child's party doesn't seem important to you it probably is to the people involved.

Art, just out of interest...are you British?

I don't understand why anyone wouldn't RSVP or get in touch to say you can't give an RSVP until X date due to Y/Z and is this ok? It's irrelevant whether it's a child's party, dinner date, company do or a day out shopping with a friend. It's called manners.

I'd love a report back from Art in a few years when her children can no longer be fitted around her work. You know, when they insist they would actually rather go their friends' parties than jet off to Athens, when they want to join regular weekend activities which they don't want to abandon just because Mum has a meeting in Manchester, when they really want Mum to commit to coming to their school play and don't understand why she won't do so in case she has another meeting, when they really kick off at the thought of several hours in Mum's office after school. And when their friends tell them that they really do need to know whether they can come to their party or not.

How has a thread about not responding to party invites turned into an interrogation about one poster's lifestyle??

And after reading this, I don't think I ever want to hold a party outside our home for DS (except at the park or beach). Sounds like a right organisational PITA.

Some of these replies to Art are just downright spiteful and I think some posters have shown themselves up.

Back to the OP...when I pick DCs up from school and they thrust their invite at me, I think "I'll check the calendar when I get home and respond" but invariably that never happens due to a combination of the usual after school stuff and me being super forgetful. Often I'll remember a week or so later and send a text but many times I've had a reminder asking me to confirm.

I don't really see the big deal to be honest. If you need to know numbers by a certain date then wouldn't you just say that to any non-responders by text "Hi, sorry to hassle, but need numbers for x's party by tomorrow - can you confirm either way please. Thanks" - any non responders then go down as a no. At least that's how I've always done it. It's really not a huge deal is it?

Incidentally, I'm currently sitting on an invitation. I've explained to the mum that a family celebration is taking place the same day but the times haven't been confirmed yet. If it's a clash then obviously the family event will take precedence. So, yes, I suppose I'm waiting to see if I'm doing something better. But I would absolutely not have a problem if she says "I need to know today" and then has to put DC down as a no because I can't confirm. Again not a massive deal.

Thanks for explaining how not a massive deal it all is, chinny, I can't imagine how we've all managed without your wise words.

Right everyone. In future, nobody ever give a definitive yes or no to any invitation ever - it's not a massive deal, everyone can be a crap shark - who cares?

Yes or no everyone?

Well somehow, I've managed to organise 25 children's parties without all of this angst, so forgive me for not seeing what the issue is.

Oh I've got 3 people who haven't replied yet.
Texts the 3 parents - coming or not?
Gets replies.
Done.

How hard can it be?

*Check invite (once you've found it in bottom of school bag/child's school tray).

*Check wall/phone calendar.

*Reply accordingly.

You're organised and no-one's inconvenienced/disappointed. Job done.

I can't believe you coughed up for the extra non-invitees INicked. List of guest names for the venue next time. "if you're not on the list..."

Chinny At least you have contacted the mum and explained why you can't give a definite answer. There is nothing wrong with that.

When children get to high school the invitations tail off anyway, and by then the children are able to do their own chasing up.

"Texts the 3 parents - coming or not"

I think the issue here is that a lot of parents won't have the mobile numbers of the parents of the children they have invited. I certainly didn't. But when DD was in infants most parents were either SAHMs or worked part time so I could have a face to face conversation about party invitations.

I must admit it was never an issue for us, perhaps because the parents of DD's classmates were a nice considerate bunch and did reply to RSVP requests.

I'd seen siblings coming in, but assumed that parents were signing them in seperatly and paying themselves. I didn't know until the end when I had settle the bill that they had added them on the party list for me to pay!! I sucked it up and paid as I was outnumbered and not as tough as I am now.

You should also have taken that up with the venue. They shouldn't have allowed that without authorisation from you.

Or if everyone was like chinny and art

Sends out invites

Nobody replies, it's not a big deal

Text 25 people "coming or not?"

Still don't get any definite answers.

Text again.

Still not sure.

Give up.

Cancel party.

Birthday kid cries.

Don't you see, it is a a big deal if everyone has your "laid back doesn't matter I've never had a problem" attitude.

Just say no if it's so hard to be certain - then everyone can move on.

Or you could just spend time worrying about a hypothetical problem that has never happened.