People not RSVP'ing to dd's party

[justalittlelemondrizzle]

Dd is having a birthday party in just over a week. The invitations were sent out at the beginning of the month. Two people still havn't replied dispite putting last week as the rsvp date. I have since spoken to one of them and they said they still didn't know.
WIBU to presume them as not attending? It really annoys me. It's the height of rudeness, they've had almost a month! The venue said I needed to confirm numbers 2 weeks before, which has now past as I am unable to give them final numbers.

[bialystockandbloom]

No, it's not a massive deal, but it does matter more than a little bit. Especiecally if its something like a restaurant where you need to be as precise as you can to book a table. Say you were having a birthday meal (adult), invited 20 people, booked a table for 20, but still a few days before half those people hadn't got back to you. There's a big difference between a table for 10 and table for 20. Restaurants would not have such flexibility, and would either reduce the table size, or charge you.

There is just no excuse for serial non repliers. It's fucking rude and arrogant.

I don't chase up non replies to dc birthday parties, cba and have better things to do. Usually do few extra party bags as there are always those who show up without having replied. So no big problem. But I will remember their names

[PuppyMonkey]

Ok, apologies for any inconsistency - it is a big meal TO ME is prob what I mean. Maybe not a big deal in the grand scheme of life.

And it's annoying when it's always the same one or two who can't get their act together and remember to RSVP and not be crap all the time.

Just try a bit harder not to be so crap, that's all I ask of people.

[GoingToCalifornia]

I sent invites out about a month before, with a text RSVP request. The majority replied only within the final week, and a handful on the day!

It was at a venue so I was nervous, as it was not even a birthday party, but a Halloween party, and the first party whilst at their new school, so it was important more than 10 could come at least.

I've kept all their phone numbers and names though so next time we send out invites I can gently remind them by text to RSVP

[whatever5]

Booking a meal for a large number of people can be a nightmare. Not just for the organiser but the venue. What if they can't squeeze an extra one in? Someone somewhere is going to be upset.

If they can't squeeze an extra person in the one who didn't reply until the last minute won't be going! That is their problem not the organisers.

[whatever5]

Yes, I'm sure the restaurant would be nice and add an extra place if we needed it at the last minute.

It's not a big deal. Just like it's not a big deal replying yes or no to an invitation in good time.

You're being a bit inconsistent. First you say that it would very much be a big deal if you don't have exact numbers a week before the meal and then you say that it wouldn't be a big deal as you are sure that the restaurant would be nice and add an extra place.

I agree that it's not a big deal to reply to an invitation in good time but people are human and sometimes they forget and need reminding. As long as it's only one or two people and they are not doing it deliberately I don't see as something to get worked up about.

[PuppyMonkey]

Well the place we're going is very busy, particularly in run-up to Christmas,so we're pre-ordering the meals and have paid deposits etc. So yes we need the correct numbers. If that's ok with you.

No, it won't be the end of the world if someone doesn't turn up. I'd probably get a refund.

Yes, I'm sure the restaurant would be nice and add an extra place if we needed it at the last minute.

It's not a big deal. Just like it's not a big deal replying yes or no to an invitation in good time.

[BingoBonkers]

Booking a meal for a large number of people can be a nightmare. Not just for the organiser but the venue. What if they can't squeeze an extra one in? Someone somewhere is going to be upset.

[whatever5]

PuppyMonkey Why would it be a big deal if you don't know exactly how many people are going? Does it really make any difference if there is one more or one less?

[PuppyMonkey]

Well, I'm booking a meal for my eldest's 18th next week, and I can tell you it would still very much be a big deal if I didn't have definite numbers by now. Fortunately, everyone I know is not crap.

[whatever5]

I always reply straight away because that is how I do things anyway. I don't have a problem with people like Chinny though. As long as parents aren't deliberately not replying (as Art seems to do) they're not not rude in my opinion. Some people forget (or their children have lost the invitation somewhere between home and school) but so what? I usually just get my children to hassle their children and/or send texts to parents to remind them.
I think as your children get older and you have organised more parties things like this won't be a big deal.

[PuppyMonkey]

You're right, chinny, that problem doesn't happen because the majority of people aren't so crap and wouldn't leave someone hanging on for an answer to a very simple question.

A handful of people like you and art consider themselves special exceptions though and you don't need to be nice. I'm saying... imagine if we were all so crap.

Just try not being crap. It's not hard

[Notbythehaironmychinnychinchin]

Or you could just spend time worrying about a hypothetical problem that has never happened.

[PuppyMonkey]

Or if everyone was like chinny and art

Sends out invites

Nobody replies, it's not a big deal

Text 25 people "coming or not?"

Still don't get any definite answers.

Text again.

Still not sure.

Give up.

Cancel party.

Birthday kid cries.

Don't you see, it is a a big deal if everyone has your "laid back doesn't matter I've never had a problem" attitude.

Just say no if it's so hard to be certain - then everyone can move on.

[Frogme]

I'd seen siblings coming in, but assumed that parents were signing them in seperatly and paying themselves. I didn't know until the end when I had settle the bill that they had added them on the party list for me to pay!! I sucked it up and paid as I was outnumbered and not as tough as I am now.

You should also have taken that up with the venue. They shouldn't have allowed that without authorisation from you.

[Bunbaker]

"Texts the 3 parents - coming or not"

I think the issue here is that a lot of parents won't have the mobile numbers of the parents of the children they have invited. I certainly didn't. But when DD was in infants most parents were either SAHMs or worked part time so I could have a face to face conversation about party invitations.

I must admit it was never an issue for us, perhaps because the parents of DD's classmates were a nice considerate bunch and did reply to RSVP requests.

[Bunbaker]

Chinny At least you have contacted the mum and explained why you can't give a definite answer. There is nothing wrong with that.

When children get to high school the invitations tail off anyway, and by then the children are able to do their own chasing up.

[CerealMom]

How hard can it be?

*Check invite (once you've found it in bottom of school bag/child's school tray).

*Check wall/phone calendar.

*Reply accordingly.

You're organised and no-one's inconvenienced/disappointed. Job done.

I can't believe you coughed up for the extra non-invitees INicked. List of guest names for the venue next time. "if you're not on the list..."

[Notbythehaironmychinnychinchin]

Well somehow, I've managed to organise 25 children's parties without all of this angst, so forgive me for not seeing what the issue is.

Oh I've got 3 people who haven't replied yet.
Texts the 3 parents - coming or not?
Gets replies.
Done.

[PuppyMonkey]

Thanks for explaining how not a massive deal it all is, chinny, I can't imagine how we've all managed without your wise words.

Right everyone. In future, nobody ever give a definitive yes or no to any invitation ever - it's not a massive deal, everyone can be a crap shark - who cares?

Yes or no everyone?

[Notbythehaironmychinnychinchin]

Some of these replies to Art are just downright spiteful and I think some posters have shown themselves up.

Back to the OP...when I pick DCs up from school and they thrust their invite at me, I think "I'll check the calendar when I get home and respond" but invariably that never happens due to a combination of the usual after school stuff and me being super forgetful. Often I'll remember a week or so later and send a text but many times I've had a reminder asking me to confirm.

I don't really see the big deal to be honest. If you need to know numbers by a certain date then wouldn't you just say that to any non-responders by text "Hi, sorry to hassle, but need numbers for x's party by tomorrow - can you confirm either way please. Thanks" - any non responders then go down as a no. At least that's how I've always done it. It's really not a huge deal is it?

Incidentally, I'm currently sitting on an invitation. I've explained to the mum that a family celebration is taking place the same day but the times haven't been confirmed yet. If it's a clash then obviously the family event will take precedence. So, yes, I suppose I'm waiting to see if I'm doing something better. But I would absolutely not have a problem if she says "I need to know today" and then has to put DC down as a no because I can't confirm. Again not a massive deal.

[JamTarte]

How has a thread about not responding to party invites turned into an interrogation about one poster's lifestyle??

And after reading this, I don't think I ever want to hold a party outside our home for DS (except at the park or beach). Sounds like a right organisational PITA.

[ResIpsaLoquitur]

I'd love a report back from Art in a few years when her children can no longer be fitted around her work. You know, when they insist they would actually rather go their friends' parties than jet off to Athens, when they want to join regular weekend activities which they don't want to abandon just because Mum has a meeting in Manchester, when they really want Mum to commit to coming to their school play and don't understand why she won't do so in case she has another meeting, when they really kick off at the thought of several hours in Mum's office after school. And when their friends tell them that they really do need to know whether they can come to their party or not.

[BingoBonkers]

I don't understand why anyone wouldn't RSVP or get in touch to say you can't give an RSVP until X date due to Y/Z and is this ok? It's irrelevant whether it's a child's party, dinner date, company do or a day out shopping with a friend. It's called manners.

[JohnCusacksWife]

Art, just out of interest...are you British?