People not RSVP'ing to dd's party

[justalittlelemondrizzle]

Dd is having a birthday party in just over a week. The invitations were sent out at the beginning of the month. Two people still havn't replied dispite putting last week as the rsvp date. I have since spoken to one of them and they said they still didn't know.
WIBU to presume them as not attending? It really annoys me. It's the height of rudeness, they've had almost a month! The venue said I needed to confirm numbers 2 weeks before, which has now past as I am unable to give them final numbers.

[SaucyJack]

I would like to bring back hanging for those who don't RSVP and/or turn up to birthday parties.

I'm not joking.

[jellybeans]

I am wondering if art is one of my non RSVPers..

I am lucky that in DC class, the majority care about their own child having a good birthday and their child's friends having a good birthday with their friends!!! Even if we would never choose the same sort of party etc. we still bring along our DC's (or at least reply if not!!).

[lem73]

It's just good manners isn't it to reply an invitation that someone has kindly sent you. I just can't understand not rsvping. If you don't know what you're doing in four weeks time then you must be free. I think the op said she sent them out four weeks in advance and asked for a reply two weeks in advance. That seems completely reasonable, especially considering she needs to buy party bag favours.
We have a couple of mums at school who wait till the last minute to reply and sometimes still don't show up. They are giving the impression to others that birthday party invitations are something to be accepted if you don't have a better offer.

[KoalaDownUnder]

lem, I know adults who still behave like that.

Apart from anything else, it's just...unkind? Which is worse than rude, in a way. I am finding this difficult to articulate, but I find it very sad that people have planned something nice for other people, and all those other people are actually thinking 'Oh fuck, now I have to actually either commit to going to this sodding thing, or go to the hassle of texting 'No'.'

It's just a horrible way to treat somebody else's generosity and goodwill towards you.

[KoalaDownUnder]

I mean, it's a party, not a summons to help someone move house or bury their cat, ffs. Even if you hate parties, they are designed with good intentions!

[Gawjushun]

I've never heard of people complaining that invites were sent too early. I have friends who are nurses and others who work weird shifts, and I know people have busy lives, so I send invites out with plenty of notice in case they need to sort out work etc. I suspect I can't win either way!

[chariotsofire]

If I was only given a week or two as notice for parties my dds would miss the vast majority as weekend time is precious and we have lots of other things to fit in. Around where I live at least 4 weeks is normal, where you know there are a lot of kids with birthdays round the same date it makes more sense to given even more notice so things can be rearranged if necessary.

It is very simple to have good manners even on occasions when family arrangements etc are still in the pipeline just text and say as much and ask if it is ok if you let them know later on.

I can't believe the sort of attitude where certain posters are seemingly affronted at being invited to a party and on top of that the parents having the gall to require a RSVP!

[bialystockandbloom]

I was going to post a message here too, but am waiting to see if I'm going to be free/have the inclination/get a better offer before I bother.

OP yanbu and Art you are spectacularly rude. If you were invited to a friend's party would you not bother rsvping either?

[lem73]

Koala you have articulated exactly what I wanted to say.

[MrsCakesPrecognition]

I always send out invites about a month in advance. Because I have learned through experience that the invites spend a week in book bags, then it takes parents a week to decide, and some families will commit to doing other activities and/or need to rearrange lifts and childcare for siblings.

I thought that giving advance notice was polite - I hadn't realised that I was placing a huge burden upon the invitees to make a decision (any decision - I'm really not fussed if their children are there or not, there will be plenty of other people).

[tobysmum77]

a month is fine imo, if we are doing something major we'll know by then.

[frankbough]

So far we've had hanging, it's rude, terrible, the kids won't have any friends, and the rest.. Who wants to attend a party organised by people who think like this over an invite

[SkullytonFlowers]

i never respond unless the kids can actually go.

[Bunbaker]

"A month in advance for a child's party is mad as I have no idea if we will be free then as so far in advance. So I just don't RSVP. If I see parent I might say not sure until a few days before,"

Artandco Are you one of those people who wait until a better offer comes along then? You come across as rather rude, arrogant and full of your own self importance.

[ginslinger]

Will people stop posting threads and expecting me to reply to them. Contact my secretary who does this sort of thing for me

[lemonpoppyseed]

Oh dear. I sent out ten invites to DS's 4th birthday party, three weeks in advance. I had 8 RSVP yes, and two say no, but thanks for the invite. Did I do something wrong?

[INickedAName]

My dd has only has one party and never ever again. It was in one of those soft play things (dds choice not mine). I knew from reading plenty of mumsnet not to expect replies, and because it was pay per head thing wed budgeted a set amount thinking if people don't turn up it'll be cheaper. I wasn't expecting to end up paying over £100 on top of the original budget because of siblings turning up. The siblings ended up costing more in total than it was for dd and her friends as their were 2/3 to some families.
I'd seen siblings coming in, but assumed that parents were signing them in seperatly and paying themselves. I didn't know until the end when I had settle the bill that they had added them on the party list for me to pay!! I sucked it up and paid as I was outnumbered and not as tough as I am now.

I always let people know if dd is going to attend, but I know from playground talk that many don't bother.

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

Is Art Katie Hopkins?!

YANBU OP. Takes seconds to say no. At DD's last party we had two guests who'd actually declined then turn up. In fact one emailed at 23:30 the night before to say they would be coming now. Party was at 10am the next morning. It's only thanks to two siblings being unwell that they got party bags. It's the children I feel sorry for - not their fault their parents are ignorant...

[MagicMojito]

Saucyjack

[MagicMojito]

Ofcourse it's rude not to Rsvp. Arc Do you genuinely believe it's ok to leave a paying party organiser hanging, so you can wait to see if something better cones along?? Really??

[MagicMojito]

Art obvs

[GerbilsAteMyCat]

I never understood people who didn't rsvp and then we got an invite for a party on a thursday evening with a child we didn't really know so I didn't have the parents' details. The invite has gone astray and for all I know the mother is glaring at me and bad mouthing me for not responding, but I couldn't pick her or her kid out of a line up. The dangers of all class parties. She will probably never notice anyhow.

[GerbilsAteMyCat]

Normally I am v good at RSVPing and do so within 48 hours!

[GoodKingQuintless]

Art You say "Some of you sound very ignorant to how others life's differ." I think the same could be said of you, as you have no thought for the person trying to arrange a party for her child, and all she asks of you is a simple yes or no. As you can see, some people really stress over missing rsvps, some might never have organized a party before, some are worried that nobody wants to go to their childs party for whatever reason. You show a blatant disregard for other families and their situations, when you deliberately refuse to RSVP "just because"!

If your children really dont like parties, then it should not be too difficult to just politely decline?

[justalittlelemondrizzle]

Spoke to one of the parents at home time. They cant come so now have 1 non-responder. Phoning the venue in a bit and will be leaving them off the final numbers. im not paying £10 for a child who probably wont even come. This is our 3rd party in as many years. So I am used to the rsvp situation and rudeness /flakyness of other parents but this is the first party ive hosted where numbers are an issue so I have usually just made up extra party bags incase non responders end up just turning up. Which they have!
I just dont get it, I always respond straight away, otherwise ill forget.
I sometimes wonder why I bother. Shes a lovely girl has always had big parties but is rarely invited to other peoples. As it stands we invited 14 and only 9 have said yes.