People not RSVP'ing to dd's party

[justalittlelemondrizzle]

Dd is having a birthday party in just over a week. The invitations were sent out at the beginning of the month. Two people still havn't replied dispite putting last week as the rsvp date. I have since spoken to one of them and they said they still didn't know.
WIBU to presume them as not attending? It really annoys me. It's the height of rudeness, they've had almost a month! The venue said I needed to confirm numbers 2 weeks before, which has now past as I am unable to give them final numbers.

[LoisHatesChristmas]

art what about the birthday child? My DD was quite upset that only four of her classmates turned up when 10 told her in class they were coming. It takes seconds to send a text.

[Artandco]

Lois - well that's the children discussing rather than parents fault. Even if I say a def no to parent, that's not going to stop a 4 year old saying yes in school

[LoisHatesChristmas]

I see that but if I know who isn't coming I can tell her "x cant come but y is coming etc" I just think its inconsiderate not to respond at all.

[MrTumblesBavarianFanbase]

I think what you assume is locally specific - where we live people often only reply if they are NOT coming, even though the invites always ask for a reply... We often only get one or two replies, but having done 12 children's parties between the kids over the last 7 years, only one guest has ever not turned up - people locally seem to priorities kids parties, perhaps as they are always select friends never whole class.

If replies are expected I agree it is mean to the birthday child not to bother replying, in addition to organisational logistics if a lot tend not to bother...

[GoodKingQuintless]

Artandco - I dont know where you are from, but it is rude to deliberately avoid RSVPing to invites. Dont worry, at this rate your dds amount of invitations will fizzle out pretty sharpish, and by the time it really matters to her, she will most likely just receive an invite or two annually, and worry why she is so unpopular. Then remember, YOU did that, with your self importance and lack of manners.

OP, Try one more time to speak to the parents and let them know numbers needs to be confirmed this week, so they can let you know if their child can attend. In any event, just confirm without these two to the venue, and take it as it comes on the day. But be prepared, that there is a small percentage of rude parents who will rock up on the day and expect party bags and catering.

[funambulist]

OP if you have email addresses or texts for the parents then I would send out a message now to those you haven't heard from saying that the venue are pressing you to give numbers and you need to finalise today. If you don't hear from them by …. you will assume that their child can't come.

If you don't have contact details then it is quite hard. You would be fair to assume those who haven't contacted you can't come and finalise numbers on that basis. I would try and let those people know you've done that before the party so that you don't have to turn anyone away at the door. I agree with the poster who suggested that you deflect any criticism by blaming the venue.

I find that sometimes a hard to get rsvp can be elicited by asking my child to ask the other child directly if they are coming. Other child is usually keen to come to a party and will chase the parent for you very efficiently in many cases!

[Tinkerball]

Art of course not replying is rude and shows a complete lack of manners and ability to think about the other parent. It's not about having a super organised party at all, you really don't get it do you? And it's certainly not about wanting the whole world to comply - just expecting someone invited patents to have the common decency to reply a simple yes or no. No-one is too busy for that. My DS had only had one non family party in his life, he was 10 and chose an indoor crazy golf place which included the golf and a meal at £10 a head. I had a budget of £100 so had to know exact numbers, I couldn't afford to pay for children that had no intention of turning up.

[HamishBamish]

YANBU, it's really irritating when people don't reply.

I usually reply immediately as if I leave it I forget. At this age (4 and 6) they have a party almost every week at the moment and unless I know we're going to be away or it clashes with an activity it's always a yes. It's very important to them to have a chance to see their friends outside school and as I work and playdates are limited to Fridays, it's a good way for them to keep their social interactions going. Plus, as I'm not always at drop off/pick up, I can meet the other parents and put some names to faces.

[Gawjushun]

If it's a venue such as soft play where you are paying per head, then I'd give a firm cut off date and assume anyone who hasn't responded is a no.

If it was a casual thing round my house, I'd give them a bit longer and make sure there was extra grub for stragglers.

Then again, an RSVP seems to mean fuck all these days. Whenever I've thrown a party I've had loads of non responding guests show up, people who RSVP yes then cancel 20 mins before via text because they're suddenly 'sick' or even worse simply don't turn up at all after I've forked out for them. It's making me dread having to throw parties.

[Artandco]

Good king - thanks for that. I will tell ds's how hard up they are in life. You know I have said several times they don't actually like going to most parties? The hate soft play, hate loud entertainers, hate many screaming children around them. So the ones we miss and they would like are just equivalent of play at friends with cake which we can do at a convient date with said friend

[PuppyMonkey]

I was going to post on this thread, but actually I'm far too busy and anyway I'm off to the airport now to jet off somewhere more exciting.

You super organised MNers get on my wick, constantly expecting me to be available to chat to you.

[Hoppinggreen]

puppymonkey don't you get fed up of having to explain your life????

[Starlightbright1]

Yep I think catch them tonight tell them you are confirming numbers in the monring so you need to know by then or a place won't be booked.

As for Art are you a friend of Kaite Hopkins....Not everyone's life runs in accordance with yours.

[LoisHatesChristmas]

So just reply no every time then art. Its fair enough to not want to go. Just reply thats all I'm saying.

[PuppyMonkey]

Hopping, I would post yes but actually I think I'm just not going to reply to you - why should I?

[Artandco]

And not everyone life runs according to party invites you didn't ask for..

Some of you sound very ignorant to how others life's differ. If it's not what you like or want, then you laugh and belittle people.

[jellybeans]

Is soon becomes apparent which parents don't bother replying/turning up and they will be discussed between class parents and not invited again if it happens repeatedly. Some simply don't bother taking their kids to any parties which is a bit mean. I think maybe also some don't understand what RSVP means as well maybe?

[Neffi]

However much you go on about how things work for you Art in the real world people are spending money for children to attend parties. Just have some fucking manners and reply with a no so they can invite someone else who does want to go.

[jellybeans]

art you may not want to go but your child almost certainly will? I have spent many an inconvenient afternoon making small talk and hanging round because DC were attending parties.

[jellybeans]

' You know I have said several times they don't actually like going to most parties? '

maybe your attitude has rubbed off on them though? Kids can pick up easily on this.

Also, if fiend wants a party that isn't what your DC would choose, surely being a good friend is going to enjoy time with the birthday children in the way they have chosen?

In any case just sending a no text isn't going to kill you and is basic manners.

[ReluctantCamper]

Oh no, I'm about to send out invitations for DS's party at hellhole soft play. Am dreading rude non responders. You don't live in hampshire do you art?

[Tinkerball]

Art I haven't belittled anyone - not replying to an invite (whether it is wanted or not) is rude. That isn't belittling anyone, just a fact. It's s bit ironic to stating that some people here seem ignorant how other people's lives are different - when you aren't prepared to text two letters "NO" to someone else who's life is different from yours and can't afford to lose money!

[Starlightbright1]

No one is asking you to run their life by them...Don't go...but as you have had time to snipe your responses on here sure you can find time to text sorry my DC will not be attending ...Good manners never cost anything.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Good grief. Nobody cares about 'how your life differs', Art. You are totally missing the point. It doesn't matter if your children loathe parties, just rsvp 'no' to them all, in a timely manner.

('Invites you didn't ask for?' Umm, that's the nature of an invitation. You don't ask for one, they're somebody else's idea. And they give you one out of good intentions, so have the manners to reply!!)

[fairnotfair]

I'm actually quite intrigued by Art's response. I've encountered many people who don't respond to invitations because they are disorganised/flaky/rude - but I've never come across somebody who takes a proactive stance on refusing to answer.