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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the parents of the birthday child cover the cost of a birthday treat?

292 replies

Rantymop · 18/11/2014 17:30

Ds has been invited to a classmates birthday, consisting of cinema trip and pizza afterwards.

Confined that ds would be going, and today I recieved an email asking for £30 to cover the part of his cinema ticket, dinner and transport to the venue.

Ds has had a couple of the cinema/pizza type birthdays and I have always covered all costs for all the children invited.

It's a bit odd, right?

OP posts:
Tinkerball · 18/11/2014 23:30

There is no way its acceptable to invite people and then bill them at such a late stage and cant believe someone has suggested paying!!

SistersOfPercy · 18/11/2014 23:32

Ohhh MrsC you are a genius. I'm booking a waitrose shop as I type as I'm so certain everyone will pay. I'm not taking cheques though, at least not unless they add £1'10p for parking by the bank.Grin

ExitPursuedByABear · 18/11/2014 23:34

ResponsibleAdult · 18/11/2014 23:37

The host of the birthday party pays for all of it and receives gifts. Alternatively tis an outing, each pays for their own and no gifts are exchanged.

If they persist with the "you have to pay", either

  1. Don't go
  2. Go to some of it and pay for that bit, but awkward leaving
  3. Go to all of it and pay £30, whilst spitting feathers at home.

I'd do option 1. "Terribly sorry, something has come up, hope he has a nice day".

Nanny0gg · 18/11/2014 23:55

Send you DS and pay.

Then ask them to pay when their DC comes to your son's birthday event.

FreudiansSlipper · 18/11/2014 23:57

how odd

i would never ask anyone to contribute to ds party

Original poster
Rantymop · 19/11/2014 05:52

Hi, sorry I had a rough time getting baby ds to sleep and ended up falling asleep with him (why do they insist on waking at 5.30am?!).

Anyway, she did respond by email. It just said "No problem".

That was it.

I'm sure ds will fill me in after school on what has happened.

OP posts:
TallulahTwinkletoes · 19/11/2014 06:07

It's a hard situation. I wonder if she was simply trying her luck but now the majority have cancelled she's up shit creek. That poor boy, I bet he was excited and now so disappointed.

The three week delay makes me think she was chancing it tbh.

Roisin · 19/11/2014 06:12

I think this is a mum getting too involved in her dc's plan. We haven't 'organised' birthday parties for our boys since about yr7 (we just have a family meal out). But they sometimes arrange to go to the cinema with their mates, and everyone pays their own way, and sometimes this coincides with someone's birthday. But it's a completely different etiquette if the parents have emailed an invitation.

HairStylistToBoris · 19/11/2014 06:50

Wondering if the inviting mum is a m- netter? If so random wave mum Yabu. But I suspect you may know that now...

LindyHemming · 19/11/2014 07:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 19/11/2014 08:06

Ds is older now and parties seem to have stopped but when he was about 12 it suddenly seemed the done thing-expensive day out and each parent paid. It was always paint balling or go kart racing or the like. I found it really strange, once we got a print out like a school letter complete with tear off reply form!!

ohtheholidays · 19/11/2014 08:29

I can't believe the cheek of some people.I think it's even more bang out of order that she knows you've invited her DS to your DS birthday and your paying for everything for him.

For those that aren't sure if it changes when you have teenagers,we have 3 teenagers 18,16 and 13 all DS's(we have 5DC 2 DD's 11 and 7)it hasn't for our children or amongst they're wide circle of friends.

If we plan something for one of our teenagers birthdays(which we do every year)we pay for everything just like we do for the younger DC's birthdays.And they're friends parents do the same and some of them are really struggling with money.We always send some spending money with our children,because we can afford to and I like to be able to offer to pay if they need us to.But the other parents never accept it.

It's the same if were going out for the day to a theme park/funfair/swimming/out for a meal/the seaside what ever it is if we offer, we pay for everything.

quietbatperson · 19/11/2014 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Celticlass2 · 19/11/2014 10:20

Can't believe the cheek of this women. Sounds like she was trying to make a fast buck!
Fwiw, my teen and her pals went to Nandos for her birthday. There were 10 of them all together. They each contributed £5 towards the meal and we paid the rest. I even felt a bit off about that, but DD insisted on asking them for a contribution of a fiver, as there were so many of them., and if we paid for everyone without any contributions, the cost Would have come in at around £150!
They all paid up quite happily, and some offered her more money, which she of course refused.
I actually still feel a bit off about them contributing at all. Up until now, we have never asked for a penny from anyone sharing DD's birthday celebrations, no matter what the cost involved.
She did assure me though that in these kinds of situations most of her peers would have fully paid for their own meal so I felt a bit better about it.

Celticlass2 · 19/11/2014 10:21

Oh, and OP, I can't believe her email response to you either. Bizarre..

TheAlias · 19/11/2014 10:32

It's the "transport costs" that's really shocking.

My DS1 (yr9) often arranges things to do with his friends which might include cinema and a pizza. If it's a birthday then the parents will pay for everything, although the children probably take spending money for sweets. If it's just because it's Saturday, the children arrange it amongst themselves, pay themselves and probably share lifts, but no-one has ever asked for or offered petrol money.

CariadsDarling · 19/11/2014 10:33

I dont think the response from the mum was bizarre. What else could she say?

LL12 · 19/11/2014 10:39

When my daughter was about 6 years old, she received a birthday party invite to a local soft play centre.
We turned up to find that we had to pay for our daughter to go in and there was no food, basically she should have just said I am going to soft play next week, do you fancy meeting up there.
I was not very happy, we had no warning of this just led to believe it was a organised party with food.

CariadsDarling · 19/11/2014 10:45

Anything I felt about the type of situation described in the OP and above would be for the child involved. What an absolutely awful thing to happen to them.

Only1scoop · 19/11/2014 10:50

Shock Wow.

150 pounds for 5 kids at cinema and pizza.

And transport costs!!

I'd think it was a wind up.

How rude sounds like water off a ducks back type though with the 'no problem'....

Only1scoop · 19/11/2014 10:51

Awful for the dc now though if the other 4 drop out.

MrsMcRuff · 19/11/2014 11:14

How rude sounds like water off a ducks back type though with the 'no problem'....

'No problem' can be very PA, though. I can just imagine her saying it in a very clipped, meaning-exactly-the-opposite way!

YonicScrewdriver · 19/11/2014 11:21

It can be, but it can also be a quick response typed on a phone on the bus or whatever.

TheAlias · 19/11/2014 11:23

I don't think there's any reply she could have made that couldn't be considered PA considering what went before. "That's a shame, he'll be missed" would have sounded just as bad, if not worse.