To think that the parents of the birthday child cover the cost of a birthday treat?

[Rantymop]

Ds has been invited to a classmates birthday, consisting of cinema trip and pizza afterwards.

Confined that ds would be going, and today I recieved an email asking for £30 to cover the part of his cinema ticket, dinner and transport to the venue.

Ds has had a couple of the cinema/pizza type birthdays and I have always covered all costs for all the children invited.

It's a bit odd, right?

[whatever5]

But I would expect a skint parent to be more understanding about not springing a significant cost on people with only a few days notice, not less. It is a lot of money for some people to find in 3 days or so.

Exactly, someone who was hard up themselves would not assume that other parents would pay £30 at short notice. They would either organise something much less expensive.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

I disagree, one of the parents actually told me she couldn't afford to pay for everyone-well, in that case you don't have a pay you can't afford imo!

[Rantymop]

It's funny how some would assume that her first email meant she would pay and others would assume she wants payment.

Fwiw, that is pretty much how I worded the email about ds paintball day, I didn't mention money as I'm picking up the bill - I said I'd booked it for x day, would be taking them for dinner etc.

It's always awkward when you don't know the parents, primary was a pain, but at least I was there at pick up and these sorts of situations were avoided!

It's ds birthday in two weeks.........we are picking up this child from his house. It's going to be awkward will probably just send ds to ring the bell and park round the corner

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

I think you've done the right thing batting it back to your DS to ask if he wants to pay for it out of his allowance. That way, he has a choice. I think it's nice for your DS to invite him over too.

I wonder if the mum has now added it up and realised they can't afford it. However the better response would have been to ring everyone (ideally) to get in touch explaining that they won't be going for pizza afterwards, but instead to Maccy D's, or just bringing the children back to theirs for frozen pizza (or straight home). Substantially cheaper. The kids don't need adults in the cinema so it's only the cost of 5 tickets. Drop them off and pick them up afterwards. £50 max.

I wouldn't have a problem at all with a change of party plan. I wouldn't have a problem contributing if I know up front before confirming and also that the costs are minimised, so cheap meal if I'm paying, I wouldn't pay a vague £30 for costs.

DD is 5yo and wants a party. We won't be able to afford a whole class thing as we'll need to have it at home, so she will be able to invite 5-6 children from her class. I'd love her to have a big party, but she can't because we can't afford it. I certainly won't be asking parents to pay so she can. Luckily DH can make balloon animals, so he's our resident (free) entertainer

[Floggingmolly]

Why are you picking this child up from his house on your ds's birthday??? After she tried to shaft you for "transport costs" (and the rest) to attend her ds's party?

[Ohmygrood]

£30 for cinema/drinks/popcorn and then pizzahut is about right IME.
Personally I'd have paid it, as Mockingjay is a film my ds would want to see anyway.

I wouldn't dream of asking for the money though if I was the birthday Mum. If we take kids to the cinema for a birthday treat we pay.

[Rantymop]

Because we are going a long way! It's about a 45 min drive out of London and dh is borrowing his mums people carrier so we can ferry them all together. And we literally drive past the kids house to get to the M4!

[Ohmygrood]

'Why are you picking this child up from his house on your ds's birthday??? After she tried to shaft you for "transport costs" (and the rest) to attend her ds's party?'

Because it's not the boy's fault?

[Ohmygrood]

oops x post with op!

[fromparistoberlin73]

odd and tight

[GooseberryJam]

I would always assume the hosts/organisers were paying unless a cost was specifically mentioned right at the start. So if she'd said 'Would X like to come to the cinema with Z for his birthday? The 4pm showing is £7.99 for each of them and Z quite fancied going to Pizza Hut for the 13.99 Ninja special menu afterwards', that would have been fine and you would have known where you stood. Otherwise, completely normal to assume the parents are covering the costs of the birthday celebration.

[RedSoloCup]

Very strange I can't believe some parents do this but even at nursery age I've been invited to soft play 'parties' that aren't parties at all just meeting at soft play and paying for yourselves.

[Starlightbright1]

My DS party last year cost me approx £150...

I would decline. I think the worst is she has asked you to pay after the invite. I would probably say sorry something has come up probably for my own son's sake

[Vikingbiker]

Ral 11 year olds - would cost £9 per child to get in cinema and would also eat an adult size meal. I still think its inappropriate that the guests pay.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Thinking about it, my teens have been to a mixture of paid for and pay yourself birthday celebrations. It has always been perfectly clear beforehand though.

[Vikingbiker]

I would have assumed it was free unless she said otherwise. But she should have been more upfront about the costs really

[Balaboosta]

Congratulations OP - a unanimous response on AIBU! Do keep updated please.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Oooh, how weird! And rude! And totally awkward!!!

I don't think it's polite to invite someone to a child's or teen's birthday celebration and ask them to pay at all, really. Even less so if you only tell them the cost after they accept.

Poor kid. :(

[alongslogg]

Hope you got a good package for your paintballing! If it's were I think you are going. Make sure when they give you the the paintballs not to fill the hopper full! They will tell you to but then you find the kids get trigger happy and after the first couple of games their isn't any balls left and you then have to buy more at an extortionate price! They only need half a filling container per game. It is a wonderful birthday treat tho. can imagine you are paying perhaps more the £30 ahead

[Rantymop]

Ds came home and told me that his friend has invited other children from school to replace the ones who have dropped out.

Ds said he felt really bad for him today.

I really hope his mother has been upfront about costs to the new children.

[GooseberryJam]

That's a shame, and I suspect she hasn't been. I wonder how many will actually go. Maybe you could suggest to your DS that he gets his friend over for a sleepover or something to try and compensate for it all afterwards. They can eat pizza you have got in from the supermarket...

[sanfairyanne]

yes - suggest your ds organise a pizza/movie night another time for him

[CariadsDarling]

Was not paying the 30 pound really worth this?

[Rantymop]

I don't have £30 to spend on a cinema trip on a few days notice. It's not a case of it not being worth the hassle and awkwardness, I've had to shell out hundreds on renewing house and car insurance this month, with ds own birthday coming up, I simply can't afford for him to go out this weekend.

If she had said she wanted money in the origional email, I would have had to decline.

[Only1scoop]

Op if parent sent an invite saying "I've booked cinema etc etc" I wouldn't expect them to be looking for the costs unless they were upfront.

Her poor ds

Hope she has the sense to inform the next sets of parents about 'entrance fees' upfront.