To think that the parents of the birthday child cover the cost of a birthday treat?

[Rantymop]

Ds has been invited to a classmates birthday, consisting of cinema trip and pizza afterwards.

Confined that ds would be going, and today I recieved an email asking for £30 to cover the part of his cinema ticket, dinner and transport to the venue.

Ds has had a couple of the cinema/pizza type birthdays and I have always covered all costs for all the children invited.

It's a bit odd, right?

No way would I pay under these circumstances .

I feel sorry for the mum actually. I always thought teenagers paid their own way on birthday outings. OK she hasn't made it totally clear from the outset but it's not utterly outrageous.

Yes you could do it for less than £30 if you skipped starters and didn't have too many soft drinks or popcorn etc but not everyone will consider that, it's a birthday treat and they are teenagers, not a bunch of money saving mums.

I am amazed at anyone who is willing to pay!! it's the principle of it and she was incredibly cheeky to ask in the first place!! Hope she replies!!!!!

You're just right to say no. I feel for the boy too, but that's entirely his parents own doing & nothing to do with you.

Shameless place-marking.

There is no need for the parents to be in the cinema.
There is no need for the parents to be there at all.
They are all teens, in London with Oysters that gives them free travel.
They could all meet at the cinema, or elsewhere and travel together. Then go for a meal somewhere. Damn for £30 I would be looking at nando's.

Another marking spit to consider party etiquette for when we hit the teens..

Lawd, I think I'd have to send mine if everyone else had dropped out (and I could find the £30)

We have paid for DS (or she has paid) to go to the cinema and then food (McDonalds) once or twice for friend's birthdays but the event has been organised by the children themselves rather than the parents so I think that is okay.

If parents organise their child's brithday event as in this situation you would expect them to pay. At the very least they should let you know that they are not paying and the cost when sending out the invitations. £30 seems extremely expensive.

I think it's the transport costs that make me the most!

There are several issues here -

• In London, £30 for cinema, drinks, popcorn & pizza hut probably isn't that far out for teenagers who eat like they have hollow legs.

• They are at that age where who pays for what is a bit of a grey area. The Mum's mistake here was her doing the invite - if the parents do the inviting then the parents pay - unless they state, from the beginning, that the kids will be paying for themselves.

• The second email was quite rude, or forthright at least. Are they british or not? If they aren't then it might not be as rude as us Brits feel it is. Or is she just a chancer??

Maybe the boys could all just meet there and still see the movie?

At that age, I'd say it's a mix of the party parents paying and guests paying for themselves. But this sounds really odd - much more expensive than it needs to be and costs only being mentioned once the invitation has been accepted. And charging for transport is very strange, especially if the parents are driving. The big thing is the lack of transparency about costs which should have been mentioned at the outset.

Goodness, that is bad. I feel for the birthday boy, what an embarrassment.

I've never been asked to contribute for a birthday party or a day out - it's just understood that it will be reciprocated.

Over about 14, if they bother with a party, they often organise it themselves and each child pays. Most parents around here send a small contribution to pay for a drink for each child.
This is a very strange request. I've never heard anything like it before

Oh dear yanbu. But that poor kid. Why didn't the mum be honest about cost up front, perhaps offer to subsidise?

No reason why you should have to pay for her ds's bday treat.

So there were 5 going - does that mean 2 left? She's been very rude, this would have been ok I think if she's mentioned it upfront.

I think this is a bit of screw up on behalf of parents. I still think at the age we are talking about, if you are taking kids out for a birthday you pay. My eldest is 16. When she was 13, we took a bunch of her friends out to Frankie & Benny's for dinner...and then a sleepover at ours. We paid for the meal for 10 girls I think was it. Not cheap. Now she is 16, she would arrange to go out herself and I would give her money towards it, that is slightly different, it becomes a night out. Invitations from a parent, not mentioning contributions and then asking for a bank transfer sounds like a money making opportunity and a night out for Mum & Dad. Not on at all.

I bet the mum knew what she was doing op.She waited until the last minute so she thought you wouldnt back out.Also older teenagers if doing things they organise themselves you pay.If its a party you are invited to you dont pay.

Crazy. If you host a party you meet the costs.

The invite sounds just that - an invite. It doesn't say the ds is organising a day out. I think your response email was spot on.

That's bonkers!

I wish I dared try it on. 'Little Bobby is invited to DC's party at HellHole Soft Play. Please bring £9.99 for his meal and entry. The party bag will be an extra fiver plus admin fee of £2.00.'

Sat here stunned at the cheek of non party mum, I've missed a trick all these years, but then again my nerves aren't made of brass......

Shocked....that poor birthday child. Never heard of this before.