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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that the parents of the birthday child cover the cost of a birthday treat?

292 replies

Rantymop · 18/11/2014 17:30

Ds has been invited to a classmates birthday, consisting of cinema trip and pizza afterwards.

Confined that ds would be going, and today I recieved an email asking for £30 to cover the part of his cinema ticket, dinner and transport to the venue.

Ds has had a couple of the cinema/pizza type birthdays and I have always covered all costs for all the children invited.

It's a bit odd, right?

OP posts:
nilbyname · 19/11/2014 11:25

Omg, the no problem has me totally geed up!

What are they thinking!?

MokunMokun · 19/11/2014 11:36

If enough drop out they can take one car. Does that mean the ones that go will get a refund for half the transportation cost?

ChippingInAutumnLover · 19/11/2014 11:40

At least she replied I suppose.

GoodKingQuintless · 19/11/2014 11:42

Maybe they are parking in Harrods Car park?

That is £20 per hour. With two cars, that is easily £120 just in parking for a movie and pizza! (Not sure what cinema, or pizza place is nearby though... Maybe it is a private screening somewhere. Wink)

Notbythehaironmychinnychinchin · 19/11/2014 11:45

I'm actually feeling really sorry for the mum now. She's ballsed up by assuming that people would know there was a cost involved. She either shouldn't have got involved in the invitations or should've made clear there was a cost from onset. However she must feel rubbish to know her mistake means her son is now going to be disappointed.

I don't see what's wrong with the "no probs" text really.

She's made a mistake. We all make them.

TheAlias · 19/11/2014 11:57

This is why people do actually need to talk, rather than text occasionally.

If she'd phoned OP and said "I'm really sorry, I've messed up, I'd hoped to be able to give DS a good birthday party, but the car needs fixing and I can't would you mind paying for your DS?" OP would have probably sympathised and agreed or they could have had a conversation about leaving out the pizza/sharing Tesco points, something to make it cheaper for everyone.

With texts, it saving having to have the uncomfortable conversation but leave so much room for misunderstanding and offence.

The short no problem is probably because she's embarrassed as hell and upset that she can't give her DS the party he was expecting. Or, it could just mean no problem.

Stalequavers · 19/11/2014 12:09

I've booked tickets for Mockingjay at 4pm, the boys can be dropped at our house at 3.30 and we will take them there in both cars and drop them home on the way back.

I wouldn't have assumed that they were gong to pay from that. I've booked tickets doesn't equal I'm footing the whole bill. I would have responded straight away askng if there was going to be a fee.

Expecting people to stump up that amount is naff though.

GoodKingQuintless · 19/11/2014 12:20

I would have assumed.

It would be different if the five boys between them decided on what to do and where to go, then I would have thought they were paying their way.

But, a birthday celebration is not democratic, birthday child decides what to do, invites the other along, and they are then guests.

TheAlias · 19/11/2014 12:25

I agree GoodKing, also applies for younger children. There's a family down the road that often "invites" DSs to the cinema "we're going to see XYZ, do boys want to come?" In that circumstance we pay.

When it was their son's birthday it was "would boys like to come to cinema and pizza for DS's birthday" and they paid.

Celticlass2 · 19/11/2014 12:28

Don't feel sorry for the mum at all. Grabby doesn't even cover it. Hopefully, she's learned her lesson and won't be such a greedy cow in future!

pluCaChange · 19/11/2014 12:32

" t can also be a quick response typed on a phone on the bus or whatever."

Most likely in a car, with a "handsfree mobile" setup of a chauffeur. Wink

MonstrousRatbag · 19/11/2014 12:34

Since this is London, the cinema ticket and food will be expensive. Charging for taking children in your own cars is very odd though. Who the heck charges 'transport costs' for their DCs' parties?

ApprenticeViper · 19/11/2014 12:44

Poor birthday lad Sad Really feel bad for him. quietbatperson had it right upthread. The mum should have been totally upfront about the cost from the start, and by not being, she has made herself look like a right chancer.

I thought the general rule of thumb with these things was that if the birthday child's parent/s were also attending, then they were paying, unless it had been stated from the start that you needed to pay for your own DC. If they aren't attending, then you definitely pay for your own DC. The fact that birthday boy's DM has said they are providing transport and what-have-you in the first email would definitely have led me to believe that they were covering all the costs.

LurkingHusband · 19/11/2014 12:48

And yet in this very forum there are other posters complaining about booking, getting loads of acceptances, but then having no one turn up.

Not defending this, or suggesting it's the case, but it's certainly one way to try and ensure attendance.

eddielizzard · 19/11/2014 13:06

that's a shame. i'd assume she's skint and not judge too harshly, just as you are skint. not the best way to go about it, and now her poor ds is paying the price.

hellsandwich · 19/11/2014 13:27

Originally, I thought WTFF? But after further consideration, I agree with eddie. Feel a bit Sad now...

whatever5 · 19/11/2014 13:27

I would still judge harshly as if you're "skint" you shouldn't organise an expensive birthday treat for your child in the first place unless you know that other parents are happy to pay for the treat.

hellsandwich · 19/11/2014 13:31

To be fair, eddie did say not best way to go about it... This is why I love MN - I was all for going ranty pants, but after reading other posts, I sort of changed my mind.

Now, that would NOT HAPPEN to me in real life. EVER.

MokunMokun · 19/11/2014 13:36

If she's skint they could have had a DVD and homemade pizza. 150 pounds is a lot of money. The mum could have changed it to something cheaper when people started dropping out.

MonstrousRatbag · 19/11/2014 13:38

But I would expect a skint parent to be more understanding about not springing a significant cost on people with only a few days notice, not less. It is a lot of money for some people to find in 3 days or so.

carlsonrichards · 19/11/2014 13:41

I agree with Kaye. It's too bad for the boy his mum is a cheeky mare, but I still wouldn't have £30 for one of mine to go to cinema and pizza. And 'transport costs'? Get real.

hellsandwich · 19/11/2014 13:41

the way she went about it was vu, the reasons why she asked for money may not be... or, she may be a money grabbing harpie!

carlsonrichards · 19/11/2014 13:43

Even if you already said he'd go. I'd still cancel because this time of year I literally don't have the money.

TheAlias · 19/11/2014 14:06

They're in London where no cars are necessary and they're running two. How skint can they be? Grin

rollonthesummer · 19/11/2014 14:08

I would still judge harshly as if you're "skint" you shouldn't organise an expensive birthday treat for your child in the first place unless you know that other parents are happy to pay for the treat.

This!