Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave ds to scream in his cot tonight...

386 replies

listsandbudgets · 17/11/2014 20:43

because I can't manage to deal with him tonight.

He's 2+4. EVERY NIGHT of his life he's screamed endlessly at bedtime. We tried going to him, lying down with him in the dark, cosleeping singing to him, letting him come downstairs, cuddling him, ignoring him, sitting holding his hand, seen GP and had various cchecks carried out to make sure he's not in some kind of pain...

but still he screams endlessly "MAMA,MAMA, MAMA, MAMA, MAMA...

Over and over again.

We finally get him off to sleep about an hour - two hours after putting him to bed (I say we its normally me as dp works away Monday to Thursday and someetimes longer).

He then wakes at 3am and it all happens again until about 4.30-5am.

Its affecting my mental health. I keep losing my temper, keep bursting into tears for no reason, I can't function properly at work and I'm facing a disciplinary for mistakes, I feel like everyone hates me and I wouldn't blame them

I've not had a full nights sleep since 3 months before he was born.

I can 't do it any more. I just can't do it....

AIBU to sleep in teh spare room with a pillow over my head and let him scream?

You'll all flame me I know you'll flame me and I deserve it.

He's still screaming I put him to bed at 8pm and I've already been in and given him 2 X10 minute cuddles

OP posts:
Humansatnav · 20/11/2014 21:05

Your doing really well op.

IceBeing · 20/11/2014 21:06

What fantastic progress! Fingers crossed for you OP

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 20/11/2014 21:12

Sounds like great progress Smile

I agree with you, one step at a time, crack bedtime first and middle of the night next.

Your DP will be amazed when he's next home!

Original poster
listsandbudgets · 20/11/2014 21:16

Shhhhhhhh..... still not a sound.

This feels too good and too quick to be true. I think the long afternoon nap must have been a huge ingredient in the problem mix. I know its early days yet and I know another poster says taht a few nights in it all goes wrong again but right now I'm a happy mummy :)

OP posts:
CheckpointCharlie · 20/11/2014 21:20

What an awesome result to catch up on! I love the sweet little 'phone mummy me good' too Awww!

Vijac · 20/11/2014 21:50

That's great, well done you!

LittleBearPad · 20/11/2014 21:52

Well done. I hope you enjoyed the wine.

fourwoodenchairs · 20/11/2014 22:04

Bloody brilliant news!

Green18 · 20/11/2014 22:08

If it does go wrong you just go back to the start and repeat what you said before, he'll get the message and you will be calmer than before because you now KNOW it works.

Romann · 20/11/2014 22:16

I would just leave him, personally. The best bit of baby advice I got was "they cry tears, not blood"!

Or, if that doesn't work for you, just go to bed with him in your bed at 7pm and sleep together for 12 hours a night for the next few months until your sanity is restored. There's nothing so important as getting enough sleep imo! Good luck

Pepperpot69 · 21/11/2014 00:49

I completely agree with formerbabe, at this stage controlled crying and discipline are all that is going to work. My DS no 2 was an absolute nightmare from the moment he was born, controlled crying was the only thing that worked but you have to brace yourself for it the first couple of nights are hard but the end result is worth it. At 2+4 7pm should be bed time, try to keep him awake a bit longer during the day and very calm from 5pm onwards, nice bath, pjs on so he knows it is bedtime, lay him down, read a story, put some music on or a mobile and a nightlight if you like, kiss goodnight and LEAVE! For morale support can a friend come round to help, another mum (experienced) is not emotionally attached to him like you and DP are so she can listen outside the door and keep you away!
If he wakes in the night always go to him but if he is warm and dry (no soaking wet, dirty nappy, then leave again. Do not to talk to him, try to avoid eye contact (it's sleep time NOT play time!) and def don't lift him unless he needs changing, just reassure with a little stroke to the head, tuck him up and leave!
When you have survived the first night you can make a big fuss of him in the morning and you will soon both be so pleased to see each and ready to face the day.
You are not alone, pm me if you like, big hugs. Stay strong.

Original poster
listsandbudgets · 21/11/2014 12:27

He slept until 4.50am then I gave him a cuddle in bed, put him back in cot at 5.20am and heard nothing from him until 6.30am :)

Very pleased. He asked for the phone again though. Today he said "phone mummy me good again"

OP posts:
Bakeoffcakes · 21/11/2014 13:23

So lovely to hear!

As he's getting more sleep at night he might be easier to wake from his nap today.

bananaramadramallama · 21/11/2014 13:33

How do you feel lists?

Hopefully you'll start feeling normal again after a few good nights, and work etc will start feeling easier. Smile

girliefriend · 21/11/2014 13:40

It all sounds really good, well done op.

I agree that the nap was probably a major factor and what you now know is that he is able to settle himself to sleep and has some understanding that screaming for hours on end is not on!

Adarajames · 21/11/2014 18:11

Been watching thread and hooray for you both! Here's hoping you get lots more long quiet nights of sleeping in; I suffer with insomnia so I know the torture that is a lack of sleep so happy for you that you're getting it sussed Smile

SweepTheHalls · 21/11/2014 18:12

So glad you have had an improvement

Sunshine200 · 21/11/2014 18:22

I have a 13 month old who is the same. I tend to go into her 2 or 3 times and resettle but when she's been awake for an hour and there is nothing more I can do then the ear plugs go in.

My way isn't consistent so doesn't seem to be getting much better, but better shut the door and put the ear plugs in than lose my temper.

Original poster
listsandbudgets · 21/11/2014 22:14

DP is home. He can't believe what a peaceful evening we're having :)

Only trouble is I'm a bit worried DS may become adddicted to the cbeebies playtime app!!

Tonight I asked DS what he was goign to do when he got in his cot. He said "me good, my phone". Ummm I don't think he said he could have it :)

OP posts:
Awakeagain · 22/11/2014 06:23

For now if it means he sleeps then let it be! It will soon become habit (sleeping) and he won't need it
Ds (age 2)had started really crying going to nursery so I tried to bribe him, he didn't seem to get bribery as he never mentioned the treat offered but I worried that I was going to have to think something up for everyday he went

Bakeoffcakes · 22/11/2014 07:15

It doesn't matter if he does 'get addicted to it' really. It's once a day on his way to nursery isn't it?
I think most people would say that was worth everyone getting a good nights sleep. I know which I l'd rather have anyway.

backtowork2015 · 22/11/2014 09:58

I've never posted before but this saga has had me gripped, Im still in my pjs and the washing machine has been bleeping for 15mins. Just wanted to congratulate you on this amazing turn of events xxx

youarewinning · 22/11/2014 12:09

Just caught up with this. Wahoooooooooooo I'm so pleased for you.

And re the phone - it's then cbeebies app. Just think of it as educational - and keep getting good nights sleep!

pointythings · 22/11/2014 22:11

I'm so pleased for you, OP. Like a pp said, your DS will soon develop natural good sleeping habits. And so what if he has the CBeebies app every day on the way to nursery? It's a lovely way to send him off.

Bloody well done.

MrsHerculePoirot · 22/11/2014 22:37

Don't worry list it is an educational app ;)