To leave ds to scream in his cot tonight...

[listsandbudgets]

because I can't manage to deal with him tonight.

He's 2+4. EVERY NIGHT of his life he's screamed endlessly at bedtime. We tried going to him, lying down with him in the dark, cosleeping singing to him, letting him come downstairs, cuddling him, ignoring him, sitting holding his hand, seen GP and had various cchecks carried out to make sure he's not in some kind of pain...

but still he screams endlessly "MAMA,MAMA, MAMA, MAMA, MAMA...

Over and over again.

We finally get him off to sleep about an hour - two hours after putting him to bed (I say we its normally me as dp works away Monday to Thursday and someetimes longer).

He then wakes at 3am and it all happens again until about 4.30-5am.

Its affecting my mental health. I keep losing my temper, keep bursting into tears for no reason, I can't function properly at work and I'm facing a disciplinary for mistakes, I feel like everyone hates me and I wouldn't blame them

I've not had a full nights sleep since 3 months before he was born.

I can 't do it any more. I just can't do it....

AIBU to sleep in teh spare room with a pillow over my head and let him scream?

You'll all flame me I know you'll flame me and I deserve it.

He's still screaming I put him to bed at 8pm and I've already been in and given him 2 X10 minute cuddles

Yes. Some. Does that mean nobody should post any other suggestions?

She was more after reassurance it was an ok thing to do and hand holding

I'm not OP so couldnt be sure but i dont think she did post for reassurance that it was ok to do. She posted out of desperation and not knowing what else to do.

cats. I think you've missed the point that the OP' s ds spends hours screaming every night already, whether or not she is in the room with him. A few nights where she practices controlled crying is unlikely to increase stress levels and might significantly improve things. Good luck OP!

A few nights where she practices controlled crying is unlikely to increase stress levels and might significantly improve things

I think you missed were i clarified that my posts were in response to those saying "leave him to it" and NOT in reference to controlled crying. Leaving him to it is not controlled crying. Leaving in his cot crying, which is what OP suggested in her OP, is not controlled crying either.

It isnt a case of "leave him to cry for hours or never sleep" there is a substantial middle ground here.

Agreed.

Just because a child wont remember in six years doesnt mean it is harmless.

And agreed.

Oh FFS....children of 2 yrs cannot manipulate

you are kidding right? they could write the manual.
The human race would have never survived if babies and young children could not manipulate adults into looking after them.

manipulate

Do you mean express a need?

The immediate effect on the child. Just because a child wont remember in six years does'nt mean it is harmless.

Believe me I could write the book on how harmful things that a child can't remember can be you don't need to lecture me on that.

You haven't explained what the harm might be as you have ruled out attachment issues and spontaneous combustion.

And children aren't always expressing their "needs" at this age but also their "wants".

I'm not for a second suggesting that its a good or recommended thing to allow a small child to cry for hours and hours for weeks on end. But I also think that making veiled references to "damage" isn't on and if you have specific concerns you should say what they are.

It's not always a need though.

example

"I need a driiiink"
"wee wee...."
"I'm. scared..."

those may not sound like a child manipulating you but what else is it if they had a drink.and a wee minutes before and are going to their bed every day Yeh same way they have for 2+ years

it's all designed to get attention. any attention and have you running round after them and right there with them. Instead of doing what they are supposed to be doing. sleeping.

or

"mummy sister hurt me. ."
"my tummy hurts"
"I'm don't like it"

all ways in which a small child my rues to get others into trouble or then selves out if trouble or drag our a situation in the hope they won't have to go out or clean their teeth or get in Bath etc

they are more than capable

small child uses

Good luck for tonight OP. You will get there.

It's a knockout - read the end of the sentence.....I'm agreeing with you! To be absolutely correct though I think that we can be manipulated by them, not that it's a conscious decision on their part at that age.

P.S. Good luck again OP.....hopefully tonight won't be quite as bad, and tomorrow far better. xx

You haven't explained what the harm might be

You must have missed the several posts where i did.

But I also think that making veiled references to "damage" isn't on and if you have specific concerns you should say what they are.

Nothing veiled about what i have said. Several times i have said that screaming for hours would be scary and stressful for the child. I am not sure how much clearer i can make that.

I don't get the need to work out the damage long term or short term, surely an overtired crying child is obviously distressed at that time and that's reason enough to want to provide comfort - and make any form of bedtime training that involves crying an absolute last resort. And tired crying children in my experience can't control their own behaviour never mind wilfully controlling the adults caring for them.

Exactly loader.

Checking in as support for tonight. Tough love now will make for a much happier nd healthier family.

But don't you think there comes a point when you can only be 'good enough as a parent?'

You know the child is fed, warm, well and tired. You know they are tired and you are exhausted. There does come a point when your needs as a functioning adult need to come first otherwise the entire house of cards collapses.

There comes a point when they need to just go to sleep and all the co sleeping, new blankets, redecoration, lotions, potions, sleeping next to the cot etc does not help that.

Checking in op, did nursery manage to curtail his nap time ?

There comes a point when they need to just go to sleep and all the co sleeping, new blankets, redecoration, lotions, potions, sleeping next to the cot etc does not help that.

1. but he isnt going to sleep. He is screeching

2. you dont know that stuff wont help.

And you don't know Cats that controlled crying / cry it out won't work more quickly and whilst stressful in the short term may resolve the problem far more quickly.

As ive said, several times now, my posts are in response to the people who said "leave him to it" and to the OP's original question of just letting him cry all night. Neither of which are controlled crying or CIO.

I haven't read the full thread and see that there has been extensive discussion- someone has suggested leaving the lights on right?

DS is 4 and would still be doing this if we were expecting him to sleep in the dark. 'Dark bad' were pretty much his first words and once we started leaving the full lights on (lamps no good- shadows) he was MUCH better.