Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave ds to scream in his cot tonight...

386 replies

listsandbudgets · 17/11/2014 20:43

because I can't manage to deal with him tonight.

He's 2+4. EVERY NIGHT of his life he's screamed endlessly at bedtime. We tried going to him, lying down with him in the dark, cosleeping singing to him, letting him come downstairs, cuddling him, ignoring him, sitting holding his hand, seen GP and had various cchecks carried out to make sure he's not in some kind of pain...

but still he screams endlessly "MAMA,MAMA, MAMA, MAMA, MAMA...

Over and over again.

We finally get him off to sleep about an hour - two hours after putting him to bed (I say we its normally me as dp works away Monday to Thursday and someetimes longer).

He then wakes at 3am and it all happens again until about 4.30-5am.

Its affecting my mental health. I keep losing my temper, keep bursting into tears for no reason, I can't function properly at work and I'm facing a disciplinary for mistakes, I feel like everyone hates me and I wouldn't blame them

I've not had a full nights sleep since 3 months before he was born.

I can 't do it any more. I just can't do it....

AIBU to sleep in teh spare room with a pillow over my head and let him scream?

You'll all flame me I know you'll flame me and I deserve it.

He's still screaming I put him to bed at 8pm and I've already been in and given him 2 X10 minute cuddles

OP posts:
bananaramadramallama · 19/11/2014 19:49

Checking in again lists to say stay strong & stick with it.

Good luck! It will be worth it SmileBrew

Original poster
listsandbudgets · 19/11/2014 20:10

Night 3 of the saga. I'm sorry I've not managed to read all the responses but will try to get round to it later.

Nursery cut his nap to an hour. Tonight I've left the landing light on with the door open. I sat him down just before supper and explained how bedtime is sleep time.

I put him down in his cot 13 minutes ago and so far I haven't heard anything YET.

I know its too soon to open the bubbly but its a start Grin

OP posts:
toomuchtooold · 19/11/2014 20:20

Congratulations! I've been following the thread since it started and so glad to hear it is working out!
I've heard a lot of people say that the first night or two is shit, then you get a couple of good nights, and then you get a crap night about 5 nights in where they regress right back "to test you". We certainly had that, a regression at 5 days, we held firm and after that they were (and are) great. Ours are 2.5 and like your wee boy one of them takes a long nap in the afternoon which we have to keep an eye on.

So cool! Well done!

ForTheLoveOfSocks · 19/11/2014 20:22

Her DS would scream if she turned over in bed when co sleeping. How is that not a) him expressing his wants rather than his needs and b) makes gradual retreat et al impossible to try?

I think people need to back off. I'm sure OP knows her DS better than a bunch of strangers. She is looking for support. Instead some people are expecting her to make herself into a martyr. Yes motherhood means putting your children first, but there comes a time when her health and ability to function as a parent needs to be a priority, as well as ensuring her DS learns to sleep well. What she is doing is not 'teaching him how to sleep', but breaking the cycle that has evolved during her DS' life.

How are you doing OP? How is bedtime going?

ForTheLoveOfSocks · 19/11/2014 20:24

X posts. Fx its a quiet night for you all Smile

Catsarebastards · 19/11/2014 20:24

Well done OP. sounds like an improvement already! Stick with it and remember that it will get better.

londonrach · 19/11/2014 20:25

Holding your hand op..you get there..

Original poster
listsandbudgets · 19/11/2014 20:26

Still not a sound. This is the most relaxing half hour I've had after putting children to bed for over 2 years.

Ironically I feel really tense though waiting for it to go wrong

OP posts:
Nishky · 19/11/2014 20:29

Good news! Just to add my bit- dd was fine -ds was like your little one. He is now 10 and even now can not sleep in total darkness- we leave his door open and another bedroom light or bathroom light on. He much prefers falling asleep with light on.

Maybe some children just hate the dark

ForTheLoveOfSocks · 19/11/2014 20:29

I don't want to put a dampener on you, but you probably won't sleep tonight. Give it a day or two for you to relax and break the cycle

Original poster
listsandbudgets · 19/11/2014 20:36

I see there's been quite a discussion about various sleep methods. I've read it all and come away feeling a mixture of guilt, reassurance and gratefulness. thank you all of you for taking the time to post.

I'm sorry I probably shouldn't have put this in AIBU but the state I was in where I was posting was the last thing on my mind.

OP posts:
girliefriend · 19/11/2014 20:44

yay Wine and Cake for you!!

I tend to find with kids that they do sort of sense when we have reached the point that something has to change!

rootypig · 19/11/2014 20:47

Brilliantly put loader

Original poster
listsandbudgets · 19/11/2014 20:54

Oh and must remember - someone suggested up thread that I promised if he was a good boy and slept well he could play with my phone on the way to nursery. I promised him that. He loves playing with my phone but isn't allowed very often.

I must remember in the morning. Maybe I'll download him a new app

OP posts:
Original poster
listsandbudgets · 19/11/2014 21:16

still not a sound. Seems too good to be true

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 19/11/2014 21:21

Oooh, fingers crossed for you OP. Been following the thread with interest. You SO need a break now.

DD4 is 9 months old and needing to be cuddled to sleep every night lately. Right now she has a cold, (whole of upstairs smells of obas oil) but once she is better i'm going to do cc.

I think i'll have the most problem with DH, who sprints up the stairs at every squeak. I'll have to staple him to the sofa Grin I've been reading this thread out to him!

Good luck for the rest of tonight :)

lemisscared · 19/11/2014 21:39

Fingers crossed op. Here's to a relaxing evening Wine

loaderloader · 19/11/2014 21:43

Hi OP. Sorry that my or others posts make you feel guilty at all. You sound like you need a sleep and I don't know a single parent who can't relate to that at some point! Fingers crossed for a good night.

ipswichwitch · 19/11/2014 21:44

Hope it's all still going well op. I decided to try cc with DS2 tonight. Did not go well. In fact I completely fucked it up. Started well, went in after 1min, 2, 3 and 4. Then DH came up and started with "it's going to wake DS1 (DS2 can really scream), "sounds like he's going to be sick". So I went in and tried settling him like I did the other times, only he wouldn't calm down. Gave himself hiccups and kept grabbing at me and shrieking. So I ended up giving up and taking him to bed. Wouldn't even settle there so now I'm downstairs and DH Is settling him. Now I have no idea what to do.

Bakeoffcakes · 19/11/2014 21:44

Oh I'm really excited for you! Fingers crossed that he stays asleep and that even if he does wake up, with a bit of reassurance that its sleep time, he will remember what he's supposed to be doing.

ElphabaTheGreen · 19/11/2014 21:50

There comes a point when they need to just go to sleep and all the co sleeping, new blankets, redecoration, lotions, potions, sleeping next to the cot etc does not help that.

Actually, this ^^ is more along the lines of what I did with DS1 with the guidance of the bloody brilliant sleep consultant I and a PP have recommended. It helped a very great deal more than the CC and CIO I had tried - more than once - which made him worse. It never worked, especially not in the three days everyone said it would, and, if there was any 'positive' effects, it never lasted. Yes, the gentle holistic approach takes longer, but what's another six or seven weeks when you've already had two years of sleep deprivation? Why the sudden need for a quick fix, that isn't guaranteed to work? I know - I've been there and printed the fucking t-shirt!

I do hope it works for you OP because it's a hard and horrible thing to have to do for all concerned. I just get frustrated that the assumption that CC/CIO is a 100% guaranteed fix. It's what I was lead to believe, and will forever feel horrible and resentful about having put DS1 through it.

SecretLimonadeDrinker · 19/11/2014 21:52

Lists you rock!

Sleep deprevation can be soul destroying and I believe that you need to do what's right for you at the time.

Fingers crossed for a good night sleep for all.

TenMinutesEarly · 19/11/2014 21:55

Go you! Hope he is fast asleep. Wine

MrsHerculePoirot · 19/11/2014 21:56

well done lists hope all is still quiet and you are also catching up on sleep!

Original poster
listsandbudgets · 19/11/2014 22:00

Elphaba if this does not work (and I am not sure if it will) then I will talk to the sleep consultant BUT she's not cheap so I need to try other solutions again first. Cuttiing his nap and leaving the landing light on MAY make the difference I need. I've tried the light before but ages ago. We've never previously managed to cut his nap as he's just fallen back to sleep practically on his feet

I'm going to bed NOW while I still can :)

OP posts: