MIL - I've really no idea why she was so upset about this?

[MyballsareSandy]

My 13 year old DDs go from school to the in laws every Wed, have dinner there and DH collects them. They don't particularly like doing this as they are old enough to go home alone, until me and DH get home from work, which we allow on other days. It's just basically to keep in touch with their grandparents, and usually the GPs love it (I think!).

Anyway, yesterday DH arrives at his parents to find his mum in floods of tears, and his dad having stern words with DD2. Apparently she was doodling in a notebook and wrote "Nan smells of fart" . Bit childish at 13, but really is it worth the drama that followed, I just don't get it.

DD doesn't want to go there anymore, she can't understand the reaction either and would much rather just go home after school, which I'm tempted to say yes to.

I don't think so lady, not at all! I agree irian, now visits should be scaled to 1/2 a month, if the her dd wants to go more than leave it to her. But yes tgey should see gran sometimes, they will not be here forever.

Your daughter wasn't just rude - she was extremely hurtful. She certainly doesn't sound mature enough to be left on her own.

If I was the GP I wouldn't want to look after her again until she was genuinely sorry and understood that this wasn't acceptable behaviour.

And if I was you, I'd be looking for alternative childcare - DD doesn't get the 'reward' of being home alone as a result of her bad behaviour.

Fart is probably still considered a rude word by nanny.

Your daughter showed a lack of respect to her in her house.

And you don't know why she's upset...? Even after you wrote it down?

I guess that's where you lost me tbh.

ViteVitch what would you do if your teen child said 'You know Mum, you're quite boring and don't have my kind of sense of humour. I'd rather not see you too much anymore.

I doubt she would because we do laugh at ourselves and try not to sweat the small stuff.

I never ever said it was ok, twist if you want I never ever said it was OK...

I think she should aplogise and yes even flowers would be lovely, I also think Grandma sounds precious, and I think sending to girls at that age there is cruel if they don't want to go, your asking for trouble.

I agree with Mrtumbles last epsentence though.

I'm sure that the girls don't want to go-well, they have said so to OP, but that's hardly MILs fault, is it?

Or should she have had the insight to say "nah, they're too old, don't send them here?"

In all honesty, I don't know anyone in my family including older generations who would be reduced to "floods of tears" being told they smell of fart.
Sure, dd was immature but she is 13 after all. Although many 13 year olds may be more mature and not write that they all grow up at their own pace.
Yes she should apologise, yes she should realise that these things can't be said to DG as she doesn't like it and has every right to be upset but I wouldn't say she's been masons let outrageous, just hasn't thought about her actions.
If you make too big a deal out of it she may feel even less inclined to want to go round to her grandparents house, she may well feel massively embarrassed that something she classed as "funny" has got her in heaps of sh*t.
More importantly is the fact it upset DG so much, there must be a further explanation for these floods of tears... Right?

I'd laugh if someone said i smelt of farts..

You need to find a more positive and enjoyable way for dc and gp to spend time together.
You and dd need to understand why gp was upset.

Fart is probably still considered a rude word by nanny.

Nanny needs to read some modern ish fiction Roald Dhal is full of farts and stinks and hairy nannies and gross old men and women....

Nanny needs to realise young children find things like farts and picking your nose funny and repulsive...

Its appealing to that very nature in children, that made Roald Dhal a world famous childrens author.

OP smells of fart

Zevite gran was not being precious, how do you know she hasent a medical conition, my mum has digestive problems and dies smell sometimes, it's embarassing for her, this woukd hurt her. Mabe gran us just very sensitive about it.

"I think sending to girls at that age there is cruel if they don't want to go"

Really? Cruel? You have a very low threshold for cruel.

Zevit she is not a young child, but a teenager!!! My dd 7 is a young child, not op dd.

Fortunately most people on here are giving the OP and her obnoxious daughter a hard time because they have a sense of decency and good manners!

It would also be classed as decency and good manners to stop the children from going to this obviously painful weekly ritual.

She's only going once a week. One school day out of five. It's not like its every night! She can give a couple of hours a week to seeing her grandparents without it being that big a deal.

I disagree with making the visits less frequent directly after this incident - surely that can damage the relationship between the girl and her grandparents.

A question to OP (and anyone else who thinks that OP's MIL has overreacted): would you feel the same if it was your mum that DD had done this to, rather than your MIL, and your mum was as upset as MIL is now? I'm interested, not being spiky.

It doesn't matter how rude or not people think the word fart is -it's not so thing anyone over the age of 5 should say someone smells of!

Was she doodling for herself and the grandmother snooped?

How did the grandmother see what had been written?

I think if the kids are old enough to be by themselves on the other days of the week they shouldn't need to go or they will always see the grandparents as a chore.

better to have fewer wanted visits than regular ones that become a chore.

"It would also be classed as decency and good manners to stop the children from going to this obviously painful weekly ritual."

Which the OP hasn't done, even though the girls have asked...

I really just want OP to come back. Its difficult to have this discussion without her

I read those types if books at 8/9, not 13! Really you are trying to infant use a 13 year old and justify her rude behaviour. Yes I would have lbrushed it off and tell her not to be so rude young lady, but inside I would be hurting.

Zevite gran was not being precious, how do you know she hasent a medical conition,

We have a whole range of medical conditions in our family, inculding a few family members actually loosing full bowl control, at various moments, we choose to make light of such things, and not be heavy and miserable and depressed about them, such is life and there are more important things to worry about.

Having said that, I have said the girl should apologise it was rude. But Gm was OTT.

The girls do not want to go there why on earth should they be forced to go every single week?

"It would also be classed as decency and good manners to stop the children from going to this obviously painful weekly ritual."

Really? I would expect 13 year olds to realise that sometimes we have to do something we would prefer not to do because it makes other people happy. But I want my children to be kind and considerate people who don't always just think about themselves........

I see this a little differently, I think.

It is very possible that your MIL interpreted the idea of "smelling of fart" as that her granddaughter views her as a semi-incontinent old woman.

This could be absolutely devastating for her to realise; she will not view herself in that way possibly still sees herself as she was twenty years ago but the realisation that she has become "one of those old ladies" ... well, I can understand the floods of tears.

I was just posting something similar to TinyTear when the machine had a moment. How did your MIL see what was written in the doodle? Was it shown to her?