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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have allowed a workman to use my loo?

273 replies

Poppyhat · 12/11/2014 14:40

Sorry ,I know this has been asked before but I've forgotten what the answers were .
A rep for a company was here measuring up in the living room , took about 10 mns .
He then asked if it would be ok if he used the loo.
I said sorry but there was a load of kids upstairs playing so I would have to say no .
I am not normally so rude ,but I just wasn't comfortable with him going upstairs when all the kids were there .wibu?

OP posts:
Pipbin · 13/11/2014 10:02

Then why continue to read this thread Carlson?

Hakluyt · 13/11/2014 10:05

"These tales of people using the loo and making a mess of it or not washing their hands are triggering for me."

Maybe with the greatest of respect it's time you hid the thread? You not wanting anyone else to use your loo is understandable. In anyone else it's outrageous behaviour. Particularly if you tell them you think they might be a paedophile at the same time.........

JoanHickson · 13/11/2014 10:09

Your home and as has been said not your responsibility for him not relieving his bowels and bladder before visiting a customer.

Pipbin · 13/11/2014 10:10

Or should we amend the title to read To not have allowed a workman to use my loo? (potential trigger)

Sorry - I'm not taking the piss but if you have issues around toilets then why read a thread that is clearly going to be about toilets?

Hakluyt · 13/11/2014 10:15

Two thing.

Would people refuse to let the midwife use their loo when she visited post baby?

How would people feel if their adult child was the "workman" concerned?

Pipbin · 13/11/2014 10:17

I just cannot believe that people who say things like Your home and as has been said not your responsibility have never been in the situation when they are absolutely busting for a pee.

Mehitabel6 · 13/11/2014 11:17

Not a windup Jason- sadly people are very unfeeling to the needs of others.

Calloh · 13/11/2014 12:19

OP, in normal circumstances I think YABU. But I don't think you are an awful person as a pp said - that is harsh.

Our house is a project house and we have had loads of different people and trades in and out and it's all been fine apart from one man.

I don't know why but he worried me, whenever he was around I felt on high alert and actually a bit scared. I hope he never realised because I'm sure he was just fine and I would never have wanted to offend him (and of course I would have let him use the loo).

But, I can see that there are times when actually you can feel so uncomfortable around someone that you want them to go as soon as possible.

Obviously saying that he couldn't go upstairs as the children were there could easily be misconstrued as you saying that you considered him predatory - which would be breath-takingly rude. You said you didn't mean it that way and I do see that things can just come out. Maybe you meant that they might be in the loo themselves or have made a mess of it - either way it wasn't a good reason.

But anyway I wanted to re-post as I can see that you may have felt your hackles go up and sometimes that can be so hard to ignore, I do still think you are being unreasonable but I just wanted to say I think I could see how you could have blurted out the first reason you could think of for getting him to leave. Sorry I'm rambling.

JoanHickson · 13/11/2014 13:22

Yes I have bladder urgency. I would allow the guy use of my loo. I still think op should be able to say no for the reasons already given.

ZanyMobster · 13/11/2014 13:48

What is the point of posting on AIBU -

OP - AIBU
90% of posters - YABU
OP - No I'm not because . . .

BunnyMama · 13/11/2014 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 13/11/2014 13:59

Would the same people still be wittering on about how unfeeling it is to not let strangers use their toilet.

Almost certainly yes, if they accused the person of being a pedophile in the process.

shaska · 13/11/2014 14:08

But how does using the toilet relate to the theft? People who want to steal could make up any reason to be alone to do so. A workman could say they need to check something in a different part of the house, or just go there without saying anything. Someone making up a lie about a toilet doesn't mean you shouldn't let people use the toilet. It's a crap experience and I have sympathy for anyone it happens to - but if it happened to me I would see it as 'be more vigilant about strangers in the house' rather than 'forbid the toilet'.

Unless he stole something FROM the toilet, in which case I might stop keeping valuables in the toilet.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 13/11/2014 14:12

He walked out of the house with £299 worth of Andrex toilet paper concealed in his work boots.

BeCool · 13/11/2014 14:17

He was already in the house. Surely he would be more likely to steal something while the OP was using the loo?

OnlyLovers · 13/11/2014 14:24

Bit of a tangent, but I never understand the distinction people on here make between strangers and family/friends about loos.

Why are a family member's excretions automatically less disgusting than anyone else's? If anything I think I'd find a Dad poo, or whatever, worse to deal with than a Stranger poo –it's a bit like seeing parents naked; some things are a bit taboo for a reason!

carlsonrichards · 13/11/2014 15:18

'Bit of a tangent, but I never understand the distinction people on here make between strangers and family/friends about loos.'

Well, look at some of the stories on here, of strangers using the loo and leaving it in a disgusting state and then not washing their hands after and some not even flushing.

My family will not do this. They make a mess, they clean it up, they flush with the lid down and wash hands.

Obviously, I have MH issues, but if someone felt an uncomfortable vibe off a stranger who came in to do business, I'd never tell them to go against that just to be polite. There's usually a reason why you feel off about some people when you meet them.

Lweji · 13/11/2014 15:19

And if they steal and you know who they are, surely you report them to the police and their work?

carlsonrichards · 13/11/2014 15:22

'I hope he never realised because I'm sure he was just fine and I would never have wanted to offend him (and of course I would have let him use the loo).'

No, you're not sure. That's why for some reason, he made you uncomfortable. It's foolish to minimise your own instinct in order to not offend, be polite, not be embarrassed.

I'm amazed so many people do this or jump on someone who doesn't calling them a cunt, names, a terrible person, unfeeling, awful, etc.

OnlyLovers · 13/11/2014 15:46

Not everyone's families necessarily have perfect bathroom manners though! And it's not the actual end of the world if someone, once in a blue moon, leaves your loo in a mess. (Disclaimer because they seem to be more and more necessary: obviously if people have MH or other issues that's different).

Seems a bit unfair to say no to someone just in case, because somebody else, once, used your loo and didn't leave it clean.

Calloh · 13/11/2014 16:00

Carlson, I am not minimising my reaction to him. I know that for some reason he made me feel threatened. Sometimes we feel like that groundlessly and other times there may be something that we are subliminally picking up on.

But I can't see how any (extremely unlikely) chance that he meant my children or I any harm would have been increased by allowing him to use my loo. He was already in the house.

HorseyGirl1 · 13/11/2014 16:03

One question - are you Delia Smith?

carlsonrichards · 13/11/2014 17:31

Life isnt' fair. I have OCD. My family are trained to clean up a mess and wash hands. I don't allow strangers to use the loo. We don't have workmen in, it's very rare we have guests (who are not strangers) but when we do, they know of my conditions and ask them not to leave a mess, to flush with the lid down and please wash hands.

If I were Delia Smith, do you seriously think I'd be posting on MN? She's a cook, not an agorophic with OCD.

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