to think my husband is shallow?

[StellaBelly]

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and really struggling with exhaustion. This week I had a mild bleed, and after taking advice from the hospital, came home from work early to take it easy/be nearby in case it got worse. When I got in I changed out of my work skirt into leggings, and put some chunky socks on. Later that night in bed, my husband wouldn't give me a cuddle. When I asked what was wrong, he said he wanted me to look nice, suggested we go clothes shopping and said he wanted me to make an effort to look good for him. I pointed out that how I looked perhaps wasn't my priority that day after the scare of seeing blood, and he said it wasn't just that day, it's all the time. I started crying, called him insensitive and unsupportive and said maybe if he did more to help I wouldn't be so bloody knackered and might have some time to spend on my looks. Long story short, the row escalated and he said he can't possibly spend the rest of his life with such an emotional mess. We haven't spoken in three days, and in fact I haven't even seen him as he's been staying out late. AIBU to a) feel upset that he thinks my looks are a good enough reason to be off with me, especially given the circumstances; and b) want to just tell him to f*ck off and good luck to him if he can find a woman anywhere who won't wear comfy clothes when pregnant and shattered?

Sorry for the rant- can't talk to anyone about this.

[Momagain1]

I can understand that he might find your pregnant body less attractive than your non pregnant body Really? confused Is that really ok? Perhaps it's just me but I find that concept enormously offensive.

It's not pleasant I agree, but what's the alternative? Physical attraction is a mysterious, uncontrollable thing.

The cuddles OP was hoping for had NOTHING to do with sexual attraction. She wasn't asking for, or offering, a fuck.

OP was looking for a cuddle to have that lovely feeling of being secure as part of a couple on the cusp of a major life change, and as comfort, reassurance, security after a frightening incident regarding that change.
Her H demonstrated he either doesn't know how to express those feelings; or worse, he doesn't know they exist, and understands love as sexual attraction.

[Coumarin]

The above post by Moma sums it up perfectly.

Please read that Stella

[Aeroflotgirl]

What a nasty piece of work he is. Really after what he said, that's the death knell I am afraid. . I wonder how good he would look carrying a watermelon in him fir 9 months get what a knob,

[lomega]

Wow. what a belmet. poor OP.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I am glad your separating from him, in time once baby is here, think about a life without this idiot0. He has told you he diesnt want to be with you anymore, show him the door. He is a nadty piece of work, blaming you for his disgusting behaviour, abusive as well.

[theladyanneofcleves]

What a nob.

[AlexD72]

OMG! Did that really happen? I hope you are ok after your bleed. Scares the shit out of you doesn't it. I had pink discharge and insisted my sister looked at it to give her opinion! She did as well!
So if he feels this way when you put leggings and socks on how will he feel with maternity bras big maternity pads breast pads. I do wonder if he's having a bit of a wobble moment before the baby comes. But still?!
You are tired worried feeling like crap and he's being a shit.

[23kissesx]

What a cunt

[CatHackney]

He sounds like an absolutely loathsome human being. Not shallow, but horrible and unfit to be a father.

However, it's possible he is also very stressed about the impending birth and coping very poorly. This is really a stretch, but I suppose worth considering.

[maddening]

I reckon he is gas lighting you - if this is new then it is either that he is up to something or freaked out by pregnancy (doesn't excuse but possibly explains). If this is just an extension of his normal - in so much as similar or more subtle behaviours, comments etc before now - then he is a cunt and either the pregnancy/other factors has ramped it up or you are noticing more poss due to the pregnancy.

You do need to talk to him to get it clear in your head as to whether this is an isolated incident poss due to stress or anxiety over impending birth or something else such as he is a cunt who'll never change or finding out what has caused a change in behaviour.

Is this a first for him or has he been building up to this? When did it begin?

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

I agree Momagain1, I'd said in my first post:

1. You needed affection not sex. Affection doesn't rely on attraction.
   

OP I'm sorry he's being so very unpleasant to you. I can't excuse it as nerves, it sounds way more serious than that. You deserve better.

[Aeroflotgirl]

No excuse for his nasty, vile, and abusive behaviour. No loving partner would do that, however overwhelmed they were. Op has hinted that he has been like this before. Op look to a future without this abusive idiot in it, you don't need him. He is blaming you for his nasty behaviour, unacceptable, his behaviour, his responsibility.

[3boys40]

hope you are ok op.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Reading back on op posts, he has always been like this to op, she has had enough, what a bloody wanker.

[EverythingsRunningAway]

You have 8 weeks (at most) to get away from your abuser before you add another victim to the mix.

I really hope you wake up on time.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Exactly everything, I would start preparing now, before you have little one, it will be harder. Have you got parents, relatives, friends you could move to for now to get away from this abusive individual. Apply to council for accommodation or rent.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Sort out the legalities later, just get away from him for now.

[Thereshallbeaspirin]

I won't be leaving with a baby on the way - its too much stress to even think about

It's nothing compared to leaving with a newborn. If you don't go now he will have emotionally demolished you by Easter. 32 weeks pg is the strongest you are going to feel for the next 6 months and god knows what emotional shit he will throw our way in those six months if you don't simply pack his bags, chuck him out and gather all your family and friends around you.

Think of the oldest, closest friend you have. Picture how you would spend a weekend with her staying over (just the two of you), and compare it with the shitfest your DH throws at you. Which do you prefer? In proper relationships there isn't a wide mile between the two.

[alarox]

I can't believe what I'm reading OP. Most partners on hearing about a pregnancy scare would go and get your leggings and fluffy socks for you. And a baggy man tshirt to relax in. If he can't support you now, well...

Look after yourself OP (he won't)

[PacificDogwood]

Stella, thinking of you this morning and hoping you are ok

[guinnessgirl]

OP, I feel very sad for you at the time in your life when you most need love, care and support, your 'D'H is showing his true colours as a total cock.

You're being abused - not just now but in general, from what you've said. If I were you I'd be getting your affairs in order ready to boot out this pathetic excuse for a man. Sorry

[chasingtherainbow]

Ask him to leave OP. You AND your baby deserve better.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Ask him to get out, seek legal advice and yes get your affairs in order before the baby, as you will be too busy, emotional. He is a disgrace op. He has dumped you, that is fantastic, now build a future without this individual.

[MammaTJ]

it's my choice to get upset and make a scene because I'm unpleasant, depressed, I have anger issues, and no control over my emotions

It is not that many steps from that to 'I only hit you because you make me angry', it really isn't.

Get out of the relationship, kick him out.