to think my husband is shallow?

[StellaBelly]

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and really struggling with exhaustion. This week I had a mild bleed, and after taking advice from the hospital, came home from work early to take it easy/be nearby in case it got worse. When I got in I changed out of my work skirt into leggings, and put some chunky socks on. Later that night in bed, my husband wouldn't give me a cuddle. When I asked what was wrong, he said he wanted me to look nice, suggested we go clothes shopping and said he wanted me to make an effort to look good for him. I pointed out that how I looked perhaps wasn't my priority that day after the scare of seeing blood, and he said it wasn't just that day, it's all the time. I started crying, called him insensitive and unsupportive and said maybe if he did more to help I wouldn't be so bloody knackered and might have some time to spend on my looks. Long story short, the row escalated and he said he can't possibly spend the rest of his life with such an emotional mess. We haven't spoken in three days, and in fact I haven't even seen him as he's been staying out late. AIBU to a) feel upset that he thinks my looks are a good enough reason to be off with me, especially given the circumstances; and b) want to just tell him to f*ck off and good luck to him if he can find a woman anywhere who won't wear comfy clothes when pregnant and shattered?

Sorry for the rant- can't talk to anyone about this.

[trufflesnout]

Hope you're okay Stella

[LizzieVereker]

Tell him to leave, and know that I am wearing massive fluffy socks to support you .

[Bellerina2]

It really does worry me how many women in MN are having kids with such utter arseholes. LTB OP, LTB.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Teenager

[teenagersknowall]

Aero. I know it. :(

[Aeroflotgirl]

Teenager if he said something you will never forget, it has damaged your love for him, you did not really come through it.

[StarShank]

I hope you are OK. I can understand not wanting to leave, it is a big step. He is clearly emotionally abusive towards you. I just hope things are OK when the baby comes... It is well known that domestic violence often increases with the birth of children.

[teenagersknowall]

You poor, poor lady. You and your baby do not need added stress right now. How dare he?! I would block out the pig and concentrate on looking after yourself. I had a similar experience when pregnant with our dd. I have never forgotten what he said. Never. But it was swept under the carpet and we somehow came through it. Other stuff kept us together. Tbh though, it damaged my love for him. They don't change.

[serennu]

hope you are OK op, he is a prick and doesn't deserve you. he picked a time when you are vulnerable to make you feel like shit. he's your husband you are carrying his child it shouldn't matter what you are wearing. carry on wearing your comfys. he sounds like a stroppy little child. he's criticising you for getting upset when he is vile and nasty to you, they tend to do that, (abusive controlling men) in my experience.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Exactly mammatj, like violent partners, he is putting tge blame on you, for him emotionally abusing you.

[MammaTJ]

it's my choice to get upset and make a scene because I'm unpleasant, depressed, I have anger issues, and no control over my emotions

It is not that many steps from that to 'I only hit you because you make me angry', it really isn't.

Get out of the relationship, kick him out.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Ask him to get out, seek legal advice and yes get your affairs in order before the baby, as you will be too busy, emotional. He is a disgrace op. He has dumped you, that is fantastic, now build a future without this individual.

[chasingtherainbow]

Ask him to leave OP. You AND your baby deserve better.

[guinnessgirl]

OP, I feel very sad for you at the time in your life when you most need love, care and support, your 'D'H is showing his true colours as a total cock.

You're being abused - not just now but in general, from what you've said. If I were you I'd be getting your affairs in order ready to boot out this pathetic excuse for a man. Sorry

[PacificDogwood]

Stella, thinking of you this morning and hoping you are ok

[alarox]

I can't believe what I'm reading OP. Most partners on hearing about a pregnancy scare would go and get your leggings and fluffy socks for you. And a baggy man tshirt to relax in. If he can't support you now, well...

Look after yourself OP (he won't)

[Thereshallbeaspirin]

I won't be leaving with a baby on the way - its too much stress to even think about

It's nothing compared to leaving with a newborn. If you don't go now he will have emotionally demolished you by Easter. 32 weeks pg is the strongest you are going to feel for the next 6 months and god knows what emotional shit he will throw our way in those six months if you don't simply pack his bags, chuck him out and gather all your family and friends around you.

Think of the oldest, closest friend you have. Picture how you would spend a weekend with her staying over (just the two of you), and compare it with the shitfest your DH throws at you. Which do you prefer? In proper relationships there isn't a wide mile between the two.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Sort out the legalities later, just get away from him for now.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Exactly everything, I would start preparing now, before you have little one, it will be harder. Have you got parents, relatives, friends you could move to for now to get away from this abusive individual. Apply to council for accommodation or rent.

[EverythingsRunningAway]

You have 8 weeks (at most) to get away from your abuser before you add another victim to the mix.

I really hope you wake up on time.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Reading back on op posts, he has always been like this to op, she has had enough, what a bloody wanker.

[3boys40]

hope you are ok op.

[Aeroflotgirl]

No excuse for his nasty, vile, and abusive behaviour. No loving partner would do that, however overwhelmed they were. Op has hinted that he has been like this before. Op look to a future without this abusive idiot in it, you don't need him. He is blaming you for his nasty behaviour, unacceptable, his behaviour, his responsibility.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

I agree Momagain1, I'd said in my first post:

1. You needed affection not sex. Affection doesn't rely on attraction.
   

OP I'm sorry he's being so very unpleasant to you. I can't excuse it as nerves, it sounds way more serious than that. You deserve better.