AIBU to nag my friend to give her pets away?

[RoseMask]

Ok, so back story quickly. . My friend has 4 DD's ranging from 2-10. She is a good mum, not denying she is there for her kids as much as she can be. But I feel their lives are kinda ruined by her obsession with pets. I'm all up for having animals, of course I am, but this obsession I feel is affecting the kids. Their back garden is now just a dog run. Everything evolves around the animals, money etc. says she cant buy them clothes but can buy a £45 dog house that day kids don't have the best clothes, or the best shoes. They sleep in beds where the dogs have been sleeping or the cats. There is hair everywhere in the food, on the cooker, on the sinks. The smell of dog poo is beyond a joke in their house if their back windows are open. In total there are 13 'furry-ish animals' I hate going round there because they are just everywhere. Literally. Every room you go into, and its not like they are laid back type of animals. I just feel bad saying to her that there are to many, and that the kids should come before the animals. That even though she loves the animals, the kids don't, and when she has a sh*t fit, its always about the animals and I feel she isn't coping well with all of them but makes out she is, if that makes sense? I know the kids don't like them, because they have told me outright. Some of the pets she has, I was like WTF?! Why? She thinks I'm being ridiculous and that they are her pets, she would never get rid of them but sometimes I just question how many are to many? Especially when the kids have to help out with them when they don't want to. I think what annoys me the most, is that because she is on benefits, every penny for the children goes onto these animals. Nearly £1500 of that on a dog. But the kids don't get much! God, I sound awful moaning don't I? But I just feel for the kids sake, surely this is to much for them? Lost count how many times one dog has poo'd on the kids bed. Or how many of the kids quilts have turned into dog beds. Or how many toys have been destroyed in the process. But sometimes I feel IABU!! Because it is her life, and her money and her house, but I just Arrgghh!
I know my friends sister goes round alot, and she has said that she doesn't understand why her sister wants all the animals, but is worried to say anything because her sister gets on the defensive and I know that the sister does have my friends DD's alot for her. So doesn't want any problems to stop that from happening. But surely if the sister can see theres a problem, then it isn't just me? I just hate going on Facebook and seeing my friend upload a new picture of another pet she has.

Sorry gentle but if the children are neglected, possibly hungry, and surrounded by animal shit, inside and out of the home, then I am not sure a softly-softly approach to the mother is a speedy enough solution. It needs rapid removal of multiple animals, a huge amount of dettol and clear goals set for the mother with the support to reach them. She can have more animals in the future. Her dc get ONE childhood and it's covered in shit.

Also op has said tgat she would her pets over her children, yes this is evident here, children needs not being prioritised, the very poor living conditions. I am afraid my sympathies lie with the chikdren and animals who do not choose this! I hope as a result of op actions it will make her get tge help she needs.

I agree down it needs to be fast and radicle

Animals need to be removed, friend needs to get professional help for her, and clean up the place, if this is not done and she gets more animals to replace them and tge situation returns back to how it was, children need to be removed from her care.

Definitely aero

Before someone gets hurt and the children/animals get sick and there's no choice but put the pets down and remove the children.

It will also be harder to track animals being brought back in of there are still animals there. You would notice one being brought into a pet free home.

It also removes the need go go into a pet shop for food for one and walk out with another.

Get rid of all animals and their paraphernalia.

And I say that as an animal lovers o have no "get rid" or "animals are gross" agenda

You have done the right thing.

I agree Giles, something drastic needs to be done now!

Do you really think the children should be removed, Aeroflot? The op has said that they have a good mother. Removing them from a situation that can easily be managed would do more harm than good.

Downamongtherednecks, I am all for huge amounts of dettol, and the bird dirt inside and the dog dirt outside should be the priority.

I feel like rushing down there armed with jeyes fluid!
(to be fair, with six dogs the yard will honk even if it is cleaned twice a day. When I sit out in the garden every morning with my chihuahuas and they go at the same time I am choking and gagging)

You have done the right thing by reporting it op... Well done.

She said if gentle

And clearly of it happens again it's not being easily managed isn't it. Which mayrequire temporary removal of the children while she undergoes more intense or drastic therapy

And stop with the minimising.

And love isn't enough. Hugs and sunshine can't erase what's happening.

"And stop with the minimising"

No need for rudeness Giles.

I apologise if you think it's rude. But going on about chihuahuas smelling just seems yet another last ditch attempt to. Try and make it look better than it is. We all know dogs shit smells. Anyone who's trodden in it or stood down wind from a gassy lab knows this. You don't seem to be grasping just how bad it is.

And we can still agree she needs help and have sympathy whilst saying that it's best the animals are gone and acknowledging it could lead to the children being removed if she doesn't change.

OP says 'she works so the benefit bashers should lay off. And have a good hard look at their own prejudices and assumptions.

Those attacking someone who very likely has mental health problems (because hoarding is a recognised mental illness) should think about their own attitudes and behaviour as well. Would you kick someone with a broken leg?

OP's friend is not the only one who needs to change her behaviour...

Giles, my point is that we DONT KNOW if the dog dirt is left in the garden without being cleaned or not.
The OP said it stinks if the window is open. Well it would, wouldn't it? even if only one or two have defecated since it was last cleaned.
It doesn't necessarily follow that they are knee deep in it, especially as the garden is big enough for a duck sized pond. (please tell me they have a pond?)
Sometimes people can get the wrong impression, or judge by their own values.
We know that bird dirt is everywhere, We know that the OP has reason to be concerned about the finances, and we know the dogs are unsupervised by the canal and that the OP fears the children are not the priority. All this needs urgent help.
It is bad enough as it is without imaginary pits of dog dirt.

Aeroflot girl, i did somehow miss the "if" in your post. I am very sorry. (I was awfully surprised I should have known you wouldnt say that)

Thank you Edam. I thought I read that the lady works but then I couldn't find it again and thought I had got muxed ip.

It's not just dog poo though is it.

And op is her friend. I'm. Sure she has seen enough over long enough to know it wasn't just a day or twos build up and wouldn't risk so much if there was any chance she was wrong.

Do you really think the children should be removed, Aeroflot? The op has said that they have a good mother. Removing them from a situation that can easily be managed would do more harm than good.

gentlehoney, with specific reference to this bit

"removing them from a situation that can be easily managed"

what gives you the idea that this situation can be easily managed? what are you basing that on apart from wishful thinking? I have quite a bit of experience of animal hoarders and none of them, not one single one of them, was "easily managed".

There is a possibility that SS approach the woman mentioned in the OP, asses the situation, and tell the woman she has a week to rehome the animals and get the house & garden into a fit enough state for the children. And it is possible that the woman says " gee you're right ss, I will get on to the rspca today, make sure the pets are all in a shelter by the weekend, then spend 3 days cleaning house and garden, and rest assured I won't ever do this again. And they all live happily ever after and the problem is well and truly solved.

Then there is the other possibility. The one that is far more likely to happen. That she is forced to rehome the majority of her pets, that she is forced to clean the house and garden up. Then when SS get off her back, she goes back to hoarding animals. She wont go out one day and come home with 7 dogs and 4 cats. No, more likely she will get one kitten, but it will be lonely, so she'll go out to get it a friend. Then when she gets to home with free kittens there are 3 left in the litter and she can't possibly leave them behind, so she takes all 3. Then the week after that she will see a lovely little mild mannered dog being rehomed on facebook, and she will take that too. Then the wee boy down the road who has got fed up of his rabbits, she'll have them too. Then she will realise that her little mild mannered dog needs a friend, that he is lonely, and lo and behold as luck would have it, there is dog being offered for free on gumtree, a cute one it is too. So she'll take that dog too. And so on and so forth.

Nothing about animal hoarding is "easily managed". Nothing. Yes a temporary fix is easy enough to achieve (all it takes is a rspca van to remove the pets, and a few friends and family to help blitz the home), but you must accept that is all it is - a temporary fix.

Until whatever is driving her to hoard animals (and driving her to prioritise her pets above her children) is addressed, I can practically guarantee you this situation won't be fixed.

I think you live in a world where with a bit of sparkly rainbow thinking and few unicorns to help out that everything is nice and easy to fix and the world is a nice easy place if only we all saw it the way you do. In the real world.... try volunteering for a few hours a week in an animal shelter, and I am sure within a year you'll have an opinion that is more in line with the reality of how things really are.

Giles, my point is that we DONT KNOW if the dog dirt is left in the garden without being cleaned or not

Err yes we do, the OP said as much.

She was unsure enough to ask here.

thanks gentle - all the benefits bashing started before the OP said anything about whether her friend works, showing clearly that a lot of people are prejudiced. Then on Monday 16:56:26 OP confirmed her friend does indeed work.

A lot of people should be ashamed of themselves, not just the OP's friend.

She was unsure enough to ask here.

Because if the friend finds out it was the OP then that will spell the end of the friendship. The friend already gets chippy if the OP mentions that she should spend the CB on the children, she will not thank the OP for getting SS involved.

Also, if it ends the friendship then who will be keeping an eye on the situation? She didnt ask if it was an ok situation but what she should do about it, the OP had already decided she must do something, the only question was what that something would be.

As I said above, you seem to be determined to believe this is some utopian fantasty of animals and children all having a ball, like some episode of "Our Zoo" but it isnt, it really isnt!

Yes they do if she is not improving the situation and the chikdren are continuing to live in squalor and being neglected.

Giles.. It is NOT what I believe (as i have already stated) but neither you or I know the full facts so I prefer to stick to those we do know about (even with these we only have the OP's perception of it. ) and not embellish further.