AIBU to nag my friend to give her pets away?

[RoseMask]

Ok, so back story quickly. . My friend has 4 DD's ranging from 2-10. She is a good mum, not denying she is there for her kids as much as she can be. But I feel their lives are kinda ruined by her obsession with pets. I'm all up for having animals, of course I am, but this obsession I feel is affecting the kids. Their back garden is now just a dog run. Everything evolves around the animals, money etc. says she cant buy them clothes but can buy a £45 dog house that day kids don't have the best clothes, or the best shoes. They sleep in beds where the dogs have been sleeping or the cats. There is hair everywhere in the food, on the cooker, on the sinks. The smell of dog poo is beyond a joke in their house if their back windows are open. In total there are 13 'furry-ish animals' I hate going round there because they are just everywhere. Literally. Every room you go into, and its not like they are laid back type of animals. I just feel bad saying to her that there are to many, and that the kids should come before the animals. That even though she loves the animals, the kids don't, and when she has a sh*t fit, its always about the animals and I feel she isn't coping well with all of them but makes out she is, if that makes sense? I know the kids don't like them, because they have told me outright. Some of the pets she has, I was like WTF?! Why? She thinks I'm being ridiculous and that they are her pets, she would never get rid of them but sometimes I just question how many are to many? Especially when the kids have to help out with them when they don't want to. I think what annoys me the most, is that because she is on benefits, every penny for the children goes onto these animals. Nearly £1500 of that on a dog. But the kids don't get much! God, I sound awful moaning don't I? But I just feel for the kids sake, surely this is to much for them? Lost count how many times one dog has poo'd on the kids bed. Or how many of the kids quilts have turned into dog beds. Or how many toys have been destroyed in the process. But sometimes I feel IABU!! Because it is her life, and her money and her house, but I just Arrgghh!
I know my friends sister goes round alot, and she has said that she doesn't understand why her sister wants all the animals, but is worried to say anything because her sister gets on the defensive and I know that the sister does have my friends DD's alot for her. So doesn't want any problems to stop that from happening. But surely if the sister can see theres a problem, then it isn't just me? I just hate going on Facebook and seeing my friend upload a new picture of another pet she has.

SS. Poor kids.

£1500 on a dog and she's on benefits? How could she afford that?

Adding my voice to the call SS camp. If the animals are crapping in the house and in the dcs bed then their health is at risk. Not to mention the face they seem on basic rations because if the need to feed the animals. Good luck op, however hard you need to make the call. You could call NSPCC for advice first if you are really anxious but I think they will say the same thing.

It sounds like neglect, she is not looking after her kids properly or outting their needs first, as a result the environment is not fit for chikd or pet. Contact tge NSPCC or Ss at your local council.

Fucking hell

I feel so sorry for her children and those poor animals. 6 dogs??? I would put money on the fact that none of the animals needs are being met. From the sounds of it, it doesn't sound like her own children's needs are being met either.

Definitely ring the RSPCA and SS.

It does sound as if she has a problem, but in all honesty she sounds utterly irresponsible and needs a bloody good kick up the arse to shock her into seeing the carnage she has caused.

I think the only one who is happy in the situation is the woman herself. She is being very selfish and a bit of an animal hoarder. I bet the animals aren't any happier than the kids. I hope the kids never get asthma.

If she isn't keeping on tops of thing like cleaning the house (lord knows this can be a trial without pets and kids!!) then there is a real problem.

I bet the dogs are never taken for walkies either.

Apart from anything else the RSPCA (if what they say on their programmes is to be believed) would take a dim view if she's not keeping the garden/dog run free of poo. Sounds like the garden is disgusting if it stinks the house out when the window are open! Environmental Health might be interested in that. What do her neighbour think about it? I'm a huge animal lover but I think she has issues that need addressing. Personally I'd report to the RSPCA (for the animals) and SS (for the children).

Loans Middleton possibly.

Op it is very telling tgat you said hand in heart you cannot guarantee tgat friend will choose her dc over her pets. NSPCC and SS ASAP, tge conditions described are not fit for anything to live there. She is not taking care of her dc basic needs, she needs a good proverbial kick in the ass.

You have to call SS. No child should have to sleep in dog faeces. And no child's needs should be placed below an animal's and be going without. Those children need help. The woman sounds mentally ill. She needs help too.

The children and animals are both suffering in your friends home. She needs help to see this.

All right, I'm picking up on one point that doesn't seem to have been mentioned yet:
You say she has 2 parrots and there is bird shit everywhere? There is a disease called psittacosis that is dangerous to humans, and can be caught from exposure to parrots (and ducks, as it happens) ideas.health.vic.gov.au/diseases/psittacosis-facts.asp
The risks to the smaller children are probably the highest, but it is a real risk and for this alone, you should report her to SS at the very least, even if you can't decide whether or not to do it for any other reason.

"She's a good mum", no she isn't, she's a terrible mother who limits her children's food supply so she can waste money on animals she demands the unwilling children care for, forces them to live in a shit infested house, sleep with animal shit on their beds and would choose her pets over her animals if she had the choice. That is the type of 'mother' she is. An awful one by any standard.

We wouldn't even allow convicted murderers to be forcibly subjected to those disgusting conditions in prison because it would be inhumane, no parent should be allowed to subject their children to that. I would hope that social services would remove those children but it probably depends where you live. A recent case in the media concerned a child who wasn't removed until he went blind due to the filth he was forced to endure so they may indulge your friend.

Call social services and the RSPCA, you also need to tell your friend the truth about her parenting. Those children deserve to have people care, they deserve intervention and they deserve to have people speak up to their mother because they can't do it themselves. If she gives half a shiney shit about her kids, she'll change once she realises how unacceptable and disgusting their environment is and how miserable she's making them. If she doesn't care, then why would you care about what she thinks or if you lose the friendship? If she cares so little for her children then she doesn't care for you either.

It sounds like animal hoarding, which is a mental illness. Telling her to getvrisbof them is therefore very unlikely to help.

I agree this is no environment for the children or the animals. The RSPCA will do nothing if the dog's most basic needs for food, water and shelter are being met (which it sounds like they are).

In your shoes I would contact SS. Not to punish her, but hopefully for an intervention that will help her sort things out.

Well. I'm as animal-y as anything and if I had a more animal-y DH I'd have all sorts. But the situation you describe isn't fair on the children OR the animals.

I'd report to as many relevant authorities as I could find. Poor bloody kids. I'm horrified.

"She's a good mum"
"No she isn't, she's a terrible mother"

HEAR HEAR!!

It's animal hoarding. I'd like to think that reporting her will have some sort of positive result because for sure, her dcs shouldn't be living in these conditions. However, unless she gets treatment for the hoarding aspect of her problems then any solution will only be temporary. The RSPCA might well take some of the animals away but hoarders will just sneak more in. But yes, I'd also involve Social Services because perhaps that'll be another way for her to get the help she needs.

Call the SS and if it is not as bad as you feel it is they can decide that. The kids need help. How would you feel if in a few years time one of the girls was to ask why you did nothing to help when you were in a position to?

I second the poster who raised specific health concerns. Animal waste carries diseases and if the children are exposed to this danger it is a situation needing to be addressed.

I wouldn't call the rspca as even if the animals were confiscated I get the impression that she would replace them. clearing a hoarders hoard doesnt solve the hoarding problem as the underlying reasons are not addressed. But maybe the rspca would have recognise the underlying behaviour - I don't know I am simply guessing.

I say all this as a house with animals (2 dogs, 2 cats, fish and a couple of gerbils). No way would my animals be fed above my children. As for soiling in the house - never put up with from my animals.

Is the property she lives in rented ? i just wonder if the landlord ( be it private or council/ha ) are aware , i bet she doesn't have permission to have so many animals if she is in rented accomodation.

Hopefully you have been on the phone to SS this morning OP.

If you don't want to contact SS, try RSPCA because it sounds to me as if none of the dependents in that home and being cared for properly. Your friends sounds as if she needs saving from herself.

You know it's not right. The kids have told you themselves, that they are unhappy about it. By nit doing anything you are condoning her behaviour.

I'd report to ss. If there are that many dogs etc then it could be anyone who reports. It's unlikely she would know it's you.

OK- I'm coming to this thread as someone with a lot of animals - just to help you clear a few things in your head re costs etc, perhaps to help you decide on a course of action you are comfortable with.

I appreciate that I don't know the situation and I personally totally agree with other posters that SS and the RSPCA need to be called. It sounds like a degree of animal hoarding and it is not healthy for either animals or children.

Just as a bit of perspective so you know where I am coming from - we have 9 "house" cats, 5 outside/barn cats, 5 dogs (3 working), 13 chickens and 2 ducks as "pets". As well as a myriad of other less "domestic" animals.

I hasten to add, I am married to a farmer, so can kind of get away with it as it's our life style and we have the accommodation for it. I'm pg with DC1. (In that I don't have 4 DC's).

Our dogs are kenneled outside, the house cats are confined to specific areas of the house or the barns. It costs us on average £650-£750/month to feed and vet the dogs & cats properly alone. That's roughly £40/animal per month (and that's conservative). DH & I are very lucky, in that we can afford it without thinking about it.

Just taking the finances side of things - if your friend has "13-ish" furry animals, that will be costing her At least £400/month just for food and vetting to do it properly (and that's on the cheap side). If she's on benefits, that's £400/month not going to look after her children.

I'm not saying that people receiving benefits shouldn't be allowed to have pets - far from it. What I am saying is that you are not unreasonable to be concerned and to involve other agencies to help sort the situation out, because she does have far too many.

I understand the need, desire, to own lots of pets but children should always come first - unless it is a choice between medicine for a sick dog or a new DVD for the child.

You are not qualified to say whether these children are being neglected or not so you need to inform someone who is.

Just realised my link re. psittacosis was to an Australian source - but don't let that put you off, it's still a potential problem in the UK! www.patient.co.uk/doctor/psittacosis-pro NHS site instead.