Mother of sons and feminism

[Adnerb95]

Germaine Greer's book The Female Eunuch was life-changing for me when I was at uni many years ago. I still consider myself a feminist, love to see equality of opportunity for women, hate misogyny, think we have a way to go still ... BUT I think some current branches of feminism are seriously messing with young men's heads! Any mention, for example, of a false rape allegation brings down the wrath of any number of online commentators, who immediately label you a rape apologist, as if you are making light of a hateful crime, with no excuse. Apparently, admitting that there are - not often, but occasionally - false allegations is something to be dismissed out of hand and treated as unimportant. A friend's son was recently accused of a rape following consensual sex because she was fearful of the repercussions from her (hitherto secret!) boyfriend. The hell of that family's experience which is now finally over - the police have decided on no further action and actually apologised to the young man - has been indescribable. But it was the online reactions to any mention of such an allegation possibly being untrue, that caused the most damage not just the this young man's thinking but to my sons and their friends as well. I have taught them to respect women, to be caring and thoughtful. Never to objectify women or use them in any way. But they find it difficult to deal with the attitudes which have ben revealed, which see all men as potential rapists, users and so on. Isn't it time for the feminist community to realise that one day they may have sons and they may find that their sons can also be used and abused? That sometimes their sons may have reason to fear the other sex, sad though that may be?

MsVestibule - no, the "friend" didn't arrange for my colleague to be beaten up and raped, that was a by-product of the "friend" having consensual sex with one of the lads in the van. Much drink had been taken and at least one of them seemed to think that they had the right to a shag as well with my colleague, but she fought back.

Um the feminist community do have sons and always have had...

I think Ds understands that some people behave badly- men and women- feminism doesn't say that all women are lovely.
I hope he also is growing up to be a good man who values women and doesn't think they are his inferior...

Ok, yes. False rape accusations happen. Very, very rarely though.

So rarely, it's not a talking point that belongs in any conversation regarding women and rape.

[Feminism] is too much about promoting women while at the same time as being detrimental to men instead of being about equality

That's your definition of Feminism woowoo?

I don't see how branches of feminism are messing with his head at all. I can see how porn culture/rape culture might, but I hope it doesn't.

Um the feminist community do have sons and always have had...

That was my reaction, until I read further and felt that the OP perhaps wasn't exactly genuine in their motives for posting.

I have grown sons, and i cant say that i have overly worried about false rape allegations.

to say that they don't happen and to reduce the torment of men and their families when it does is a horrible way to behave.

there should be no comparison between false allegations of rape to rape. they are different things.

Interesting that people are using this topic to have a crack at feminism. Interesting and depressing,

That's what I think: false allegations of rape have nothing to do with feminism.

No, it's not my definition. It's the impression I get from people who do identify strongly as feminists.

No, it's not my definition. It's the impression I get from people who do identify strongly as feminists.

That's interesting, because it is pretty much the depression I had growing up from people who were vocally anti-feminism. It wasn't until adulthood that I realised others defined feminism differently. That it's a new and still rather fluid concept. I find the definition which best speaks to me is along the lines of, "Feminism is about equality of opportunity (socially, financially, educationally etc) regardless of sex".

Ha! Not "depression". "Definition"!

It's a definition I have only heard from people explaining why they don't agree with feminism. And when I ask for examples, they can never give me any.

I've heard that definition before vivacia, and it's a definition that I'm happy to go with. But if that is the widely accepted definition then why is it called feminism (a word that comes from the word female) instead of equalism or something?

It doesn't make sense to me that your definition is supposed to be 'regardless of sex' when by definition, the word feminism is directly related to females.

"It doesn't make sense to me that your definition is supposed to be 'regardless of sex' when by definition, the word feminism is directly related to females."

It's directly related to women because so far it's women who are less "equal".

Could you give some examples of how what feminists want to detrimental to men?

But if that is the widely accepted definition then why is it called feminism (a word that comes from the word female) instead of equalism or something?

Because the overwhelming inequality has been in men's favour for hundreds of years everywhere.

Oh thank god we're getting to the real definition of feminism (saves me cack-handedly trying to explain it)

Women are less equal in some areas, and in more areas than men, I know. But in some areas, men are less equal.

I have known feminists to deny this, or to dismiss it because it's not as bad as what's happened to women over the years, and personally I don't think that's right.

IMO, feminism has done it's job in that it is now widely accepted in the minds of most people that women should have equal rights to men, but I think to move equality forward, it should be about promoting equal rights in all areas instead of focussing solely on the issues where women are treated unfairly. Focusing on equality would be beneficial for both women and men.

But in some areas, men are less equal.

Such as? (Genuine question).

Focusing on equality would be beneficial for both women and men.

But feminism is about equality. Feminism is beneficial for both women and men.

Don't really see how false allegations of rape (or any other crime) are a particular issue for feminists.

In cross posting Vivacia, you have proved my point!

I haven't said that I think what feminists want is detrimental to men. But as an example of where I think boys are treated better than girls, I think many schools are set up to be better for the ways girls stereotypically learn best than the ways boys stereotypically learn best.

There are examples on telly all the time where the woman is portrayed as being capable and the man is portrayed as being a bumbling idiot who couldn't cope without a woman telling him what to do. And yes, I know that's happened to women too, but that doesn't make it right either way.

There's no need for competition over who has had it worse.

If feminism is about genuinely about equality, then why is it called feminism?

Equalism ( a word that spell check won't even recognise) would do the same job without being biased towards one sex because the word doesn't come from the word that is only associated with one gender.

I say there is more chance of my daughter getting raped then a son getting falsely accused.

I can't get into the poor men act.

I agree with WooWoo (I have a son and a daughter).

Primary particularly rewards sitting still, verbal skills, writing and drawing, presenting work neatly, social skills. All things girls tend to achieve earlier than boys.
Women tend to get custody of children and have more rights over children - however good the father is and however bad the mother is.

The male teenage suicide rate is much higher than the female - especially teenagers.

Boys are more likely to go to prison.
Boys are more likely to be beaten up/ mugged.

And yes, if two drunk people have drunken sex and neither really "consents" - he is a rapist and she isn't.

And no - I am not a rape apologist.