Mother of sons and feminism

[Adnerb95]

Germaine Greer's book The Female Eunuch was life-changing for me when I was at uni many years ago. I still consider myself a feminist, love to see equality of opportunity for women, hate misogyny, think we have a way to go still ... BUT I think some current branches of feminism are seriously messing with young men's heads! Any mention, for example, of a false rape allegation brings down the wrath of any number of online commentators, who immediately label you a rape apologist, as if you are making light of a hateful crime, with no excuse. Apparently, admitting that there are - not often, but occasionally - false allegations is something to be dismissed out of hand and treated as unimportant. A friend's son was recently accused of a rape following consensual sex because she was fearful of the repercussions from her (hitherto secret!) boyfriend. The hell of that family's experience which is now finally over - the police have decided on no further action and actually apologised to the young man - has been indescribable. But it was the online reactions to any mention of such an allegation possibly being untrue, that caused the most damage not just the this young man's thinking but to my sons and their friends as well. I have taught them to respect women, to be caring and thoughtful. Never to objectify women or use them in any way. But they find it difficult to deal with the attitudes which have ben revealed, which see all men as potential rapists, users and so on. Isn't it time for the feminist community to realise that one day they may have sons and they may find that their sons can also be used and abused? That sometimes their sons may have reason to fear the other sex, sad though that may be?

OK, well, I don't think it happens any more often in BDSSM than in vanilla-space, but I am prepared to accept I could be wrong.

What more can I do than I have done?

Uuf, sorry, I ran out of time for reading around page 6, because I so much wanted to butt in

I was a feminist long before I read Germaine Greer because

1. my mother had to bring up three children on a wage that was a third of what the single man working beside her at a lesser job earned.
2. I preferred boy's games and men's careers, most of which were closed off to women at the time.

And that was just as a child. As a historian I learn that there have been many times in history when women have had reasonably good rights, but they have lost them again. Personally I think the situation of women has been going backwards over the last couple of decades. And I don't think men per se are oppressing us. As often as not they are grabbing at privileges like the poor whites did against the blacks in Southern US.

And as for rape and false accusations of rape, they could well be on a par as far as suffering goes. The problem with the crime of rape is that there usually are no witnesses so it is one person's word against another. And as someone said above, who is more likely to want to lie?

OP, the example you give of a false accusation is totally bizarre. The girl's motivation? The recording on his phone? If that was the case, surely the lad has been so totally exonerated he does not have to live with a stain on his character and, he is, under the circumstances, a very fortunate young man.

frau, i agree with what empire says

men who want to abuse will use the stereotypes and myths, and BDSM communities are associated with those as much as any other communities. you can only do what you can to educate, in the same way as any of the rest of us. you certainly haven't done a bad job here

"Frau - I don't think bdsm has more of a problem than the rest if society does. And it isn't your fault or responsibility to stop all abuse within bdsm."

Absolutely.

I was just a bit concerned that it was somehow being presented as problem free- and I find it hard to accept that men are so very different in bdsm.....and there does seem to be huge scope for exploitation.

"And as for rape and false accusations of rape, they could well be on a par as far as suffering goes"

Really?

"And as for rape and false accusations of rape, they could well be on a par as far as suffering goes"

Nope.
I really don't think so.

And, just to be clear, I think the op's story was made up

Me too

I'm sorry, by the way, if I offended anyway by equating being the victim of rape or being the victim of a false accusation of rape. I have been fortunate enough to never have suffer either of these situations, so I was only trying to stretch my imagination based on information received.

"I'm sorry, by the way, if I offended anyway by equating being the victim of rape or being the victim of a false accusation of rape. "

Can I ask what planet you live on?

Funnily enough, the one line the stands out to me from The Female Eunuch is (something like), 'women, don't fight for equality; fight for liberation'. I always thinks is beautifully sums up what Greer was saying. She was acknowledging that most men were oppressed (albeit in different ways), and that to achieve equality and all the it entailed wasn't enough. Instead, she was envisioning freedom and liberation from the constraints of debt, capital, wage-slavery, absentee parenting etc etc.

This nuance is frequently overlooked, leading people to try to pick holes in the call for 'equality' (which was never really the aim of thoughtful feminists, anyway). Biology has made equality an impossibility; surely better that we all strive for liberation/fairness (whatever that means).

'women, don't fight for equality; fight for liberation'

You are right, in those days at least, Germaine Greer always stood up against injustice and discrimination, no matter who the victim was, she certainly wasn't anti-man.

Feminists aren't anti-man, except in the lowest type of tabloid newspapers and in the minds of their readers.

women, don't fight for equality; fight for liberation'

That's is such a great statement - who said it when is irrelevant. It's so true.

I am a bit at how this thread has developed.