AIBU to feel so terrible over this sudden lack of response?

[EmeraldPeepers]

I'll try to keep the background as short as possible.

The first few months at my current job were not easy. My direct supervisor was awful, the training was rubbish and I basically used to dread going to work. The good work that I was doing was being overlooked and I was being blamed for things I hadn't had anything to do with. Safe to say it was one of the most horrible phases of my life.

And then something amazing happened. One of my superiors from the head office (most of my tasks in the job involved working for him remotely) told me he loved my work. He went out of his way to call my direct supervisors and tell them how well I was doing- note that this was his call, I didn't ask him to do it. Given his position within the company, people suddenly sat up to take notice of my work and the bullying started to gradually stop. I sometimes feel that I may not have been able to stay in this job had he not stepped in and clarified the quality of the work that I was doing. Needless to say, I am incredibly grateful to him.

Our work relationship has been amazing. He's notoriously hard to please, but it's been such a good experience working with him. He's been happy to share his knowledge, he's encouraged my work and we also reached a comfortable stage were would chat about things outside of work.

Unfortunately, I was moved to a new product and I no longer get to work with him much. He did mention to me once that he is not very happy with the person who is handling his work instead of me now. Given my relative experience in the earlier product, i still step in from time to time to help out. Initially, he was responsive and even happy on the occasions where I would step back in. However, there have been two recent occasions where much to my confusion, he has ignored my communication when I stepped back in. The new person forgot to let him know something important and I noticed it in the system. So I just sent a message to say- hi, here is what has happened. Noticed it and thought to let you know.

I have sent similar messages in the past and he has responded and has been appreciative and thanked me for still keeping a check. But on these past two occasions he completely ignored me :( No response. Absolutely nothing.

I had also sent him a message to ask a work related question he might have had the answer to. He completely ignored that as well. I found this strange and out of character because he has always been so happy to share his knowledge in the past.

Am I overreacting?? I feel terrible that he has ignored me because even though I am not on that product anymore, I still value this professional relationship a great deal. Besides I might at some point come back to the earlier product, so keeping my contacts and relationships alive is also very important for me.

I am struggling to see what I might have done unknowingly perhaps to upset him or annoy him to the point where he would behave so out of character and ignore me

I know it sounds odd to take this so seriously, but his support gave me a sense of security within a work environment that can be quite hostile at times. I am not in a position to switch jobs at the moment, so losing that support is making me feel rather lost.

I do think you are overthinking, i've just answered a facebook message from a week ago, because I have so much else going on. It was nothing personal!

So trying to guess why he's done something is pointless and will drive you mad eventually. Maybe he thinks he's done something wrong and is avoiding you because of that!

In future, you might want to not post in aibu which can be very savage on those anything less than bulletproof! Chat is a good starting place

*To clarify, the info I sent him was only of interest to him and wouldn't have been to my direct manager. So no point emailing her about it- she can't do anything with it.

And I have asked Anna to "fix it". She simply doesn't.*

You are missing the point - he is presumably supposed to get this information from Anna. Therefore it is hugely relevant to her immediate supervisor that she isn't doing it. At some point (if it hasn't happened already) Mr Big is going to say to supervisor or her boss - "Why am I getting the information on Y from someone not involved in it?"

At which point your mutual supervisor is going to be a teensy bit cross with you for making her look bad and will indeed shout. LOTS.

I would too.

How much of Anna's job are you prepared to take on before you tell her supervisor that she isn't cutting it?

I think you need to get another job emerald.
He's the one positive thing you have at work, eh?
Omg, I'm cringing for you...

Please stop arguing and take the advice on here to cool it and get a grip.
Step back.
Start doing something outside work, and stop interfering in other people's work. It's NOT your business to watch other people's work and report them.

You are coming across as someone who has serious daddy issues.
Look at me daddy amn't I great!
And now, Why won't you talk to me???? I know, I'll bombard you with emails so you have to talk to me!!! Such investment, such drama. It's not normal you know.

Oh, I'm so embarrassed for you.
You don't seem to see that you've overstepped the line, and keep banging on about him, like a teen who has a crush, and totally denying the fact that he does NOT want to know.

I do think therapy would be good for you. You do seem to be in the throes of something very unhealthy right now with very little insight about yourself.

"Is it just me who hears the Frozen song right now?" Yes!
Also: "it's all about pop-u-lar" from Wicked!!

This is weird its like you are in love with him OP
It really does sound like this, it also seems the answer to why you just don't want to leave him alone.
Look for another job and leave him be.

You're picking people up on completely irrelevant details whilst ignoring the really pertinent things people are saying to you. It's almost as if you don't really want to hear them.

I bombard him with emails do I?

I send one email about an urgent matter - my first communication in 3 weeks and that's bombarding ?

I said it upthread and I'll say it again: you need him more than he needs you.

Can I tell you a story? About a year ago I was in a role that didn't really suit me, and there was bad stuff brewing outside work. The big boss asked me to take on a role, reporting directly to him. He was all over me, he praised me to the skies, he told me how much he'd heard about me, that he was impressed with me, that he trusted me, and gave me his personal mobile and home numbers, so that I could contact him day or night about anything. His praise was definitely flirtatious. I was incredibly flattered and felt 10 feet tall. I took the role, feeling like I was 'the chosen one'.

Fast forward a year. He is mostly away on business, pursuing high-level strategic matters. I rarely see him, let alone meet him - I have to go through his PA. He mostly ignores my emails. He certainly doesn't thank me for routine stuff, ie for simply doing my job. All his fine words were, for him, simply a means to an end, ie to get me to take on a particular role. He's busy, and I'm no longer a priority for him: his focus is elsewhere. He is my immediate line manager, remember.

Can you see your situation reflected in my story? Get over it.

Was the information you passed on, information that was in Anna's job to pass on? Yes

Are you training Anna to do her job? Yes

Is your line manager also Anna's line manager? Yes

So you notice the information hasn't been passed on. You could quite easily say 'Anna, x information has to be passed on by 3 pm.' Or 'Anna, I've just sent you an urgent email.' Or 'Anna, have you seen my email re. Info?'

All of those approaches would be within your training role and wouldn't get her into trouble.

Using my grandmother's wise words: "Don't waste your breath giving good advice to a rock. They won't be listening."

"So you notice the information hasn't been passed on. You could quite easily say 'Anna, x information has to be passed on by 3 pm.' Or 'Anna, I've just sent you an urgent email.' Or 'Anna, have you seen my email re"

I have tried these approaches already.

Have just spent ages reading this thread!

It's a bit pointless me chiming in, but I agree wholeheartedly with everyone else - you have built up something in your head out of nothing.

Many, many good posts on here, but Lougle' s post above (@17:08) is straight to the point re 'Ann'.

Stop emailing 'Paul' - I suspect your role in the company is where you are one of many at your level - he has much more to think about, be responsible for & do than you.
There is no 'professional relationship' - he is a manager, you are a producer.

Then now is the time to involve your supervisor.

Aaah! X-post, sorry.

I see you have dismissed the advice Lougle gave!

If this crucial piece of information is part of Anna's job responsibilities and she is not 'fixing it' you talk to Anna and ask why, and then talk to her Line Manager, and document that you have done so. You do not step in and e-mail someone else, you have to respect the hierarchy in place, irrespective of the repercussions.

If you have already tried the suggested approaches to no avail then you have no choice but to involve her Line Manager.

Yes, emotionsecho, but you see, doing that (i.e. the right thing) would mean that the OP would not be contacting 'Paul'. She wants to contact 'Paul' very much, for some reason. Unfortunately, whenever that contact doesn't result in a reply, it breaks her heart it would seem.

i have not read the whole thread but I have a few thoughts relating to the opening post.

I dont think it is advisable to leave sick children with a stranger to them. i think there will be issues around leaving medically qualified people with sick kids.

Other than that I think it is a good idea. My parents are unwell and I can often do with childcare whilst i go and attend to their needs.

dinidino27 are you on the right thread?

I know Gruntfuttock, it's odd.

Right.

I get the advice about sticking completely to protocol and in the future I will.

However, for the last time- I wasn't trying to sabotage or bully poor Anna, I haven't complained about her, I am not looking for "excuses" to contact Paul. I sent him the info (as I have several times in the past) only to be helpful.

I was puzzled by his out of character lack of response and so I posted here.

I'm shocked at the kind of meaning people are reading into what was merely an attempt to help- even if it can be interpreted otherwise by some.

If this crucial piece of information is part of Anna's job responsibilities and she is not 'fixing it' you talk to Anna and ask why, and then talk to her Line Manager, and document that you have done so

Absolutely.

Ideally, what response would you have liked from Paul?

Surely your email didn't really require any response, especially as he's presumably a busy man, but certainly no more than 2 words "OK thanks". Is it really worth getting so upset about?

I'm not really sure whose boss is whose but it seems you were really flattered when he first started singing your praises. Work relationships and being recognised for our achievements are really important so I can understand how you felt.

However it is quite common in most work environments for emails to be ignored so I wouldn't read a thing into that.

Of course your relationship with him has changed as your role has too.

The worrying thing is how much headspace you are giving to all this. It's the weekend and your first post was very early this morning!

All his fine words were, for him, simply a means to an end, ie to get me to take on a particular role. He's busy, and I'm no longer a priority for him: his focus is elsewhere.

Could have written this about a role I was offered, in the past. I took the words, even then, with a large pinch of salt. My taking up the role suited the company. Fortunately, it suited me too.

I'm too old cynical at this stage OP, to take praise from senior management as anything other than what it is, a means to an end.

Jill - the role suits me; I'm mildly amused at how this man behaved then and now, ad knew what he was after, and I just thought it might help the OP to see that kind of changing relationship is normal.