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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"She doesn't want to lie down" Aibu to think you bloody get up with him then

156 replies

Rantymop · 22/10/2014 06:53

7 month ds has started waking up a lot in the night. Dont know why.

It's always been me who gets up as my husband works and is therefore too busy and important to be tired.

Last night baby in bed at 7,woke at 11pm - 11.30, 1.30 - 4 and then at 6, I am up for the day now.

Each time I have come into the living room so h can sleep.

The baby wakes at 6 and I am exhausted. Bring him in bed as that sometimes works and h says "he doesn't want to lie down".

I'm on my knees here. I keep telling him I need him to do more. But he WORKS.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rantymop · 22/10/2014 06:58

And the title should obvious be he, but sod it, I'm shattered.

OP posts:
WandaDoff · 22/10/2014 06:58

Well if he's not going to be helpful, I would cut down on non-essential things like washing DH clothes & making his dinner.

I would also tell him what a cunt I thought he was.

fuctifino · 22/10/2014 07:00

Hmm, I sympathise but I don't think you should use the fact that he works as a stick to beat him with?
Could you put in a days work feeling as you do now? So why do you think dh could?

My dh did all he could on Friday and Saturday to give me some respite and I was grateful for that. In the week, if I needed to sleep in the day when baby did, I did. The house wasn't as clean as it could've been and meals were sometimes beyond basic. Cut yourself some slack and rest whilst you can.

Stuckinastorm · 22/10/2014 07:02

Before I even went on maternity leave with #3 I was fed up of doing it all, brought an extra laundry basket & stopped doing his ironing. Made no difference but I felt I was making a point, up until he left me (nothing to do with that), he still did his own ironing

fuctifino · 22/10/2014 07:02

Ooh, should say Fri and Sat nights.
He also used to take dd out on Sat and Sun.

Talk to him!

noblegiraffe · 22/10/2014 07:05

It's perfectly possible to put in a full day's work on broken sleep, god knows I've done it often enough.

You might not work but that doesn't mean you don't need to sleep. It's important for your health and mental state. He needs to take a section of the night as his, e.g. up to midnight and after 6am. You go to bed at 7 with the baby.

maddening · 22/10/2014 07:06

go to bed at 8pn and dh does till midnight then you do wakings after midnight

ithoughtofitfirst · 22/10/2014 07:12

Too busy and important to be tired Grin

Yup.

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/10/2014 07:12

Break it up between you. So you both get longer blocks of sleep.

If this continues it might be worth thinking about some form of sleep training be case it's not sustainable to be getting up several times a night and a 7 month old shouldn't need feeding more than once. Many go through with it feeding at all.

It may only last a few days but it should be manageable if he chips in. Getting up once each is hardly leaving him incapable of work.

HavanaSlife · 22/10/2014 07:14

What time does he leave the house? Can he not get up at 6 for an hour or so

giraffescantboogie · 22/10/2014 07:17

Anything coincide with the night waking? Weaning? New food? Am wondering about some kind of intolerance/refluxy type thing. I wake up with pain when I have eaten white bread unless I take indigestion tablet. So something like that worth considering/food diary?

VashtaNerada · 22/10/2014 07:17

He definitely needs to do a section of the night so you get some sleep, completely unreasonable for you to be on duty 24 hours a day.

Messygirl · 22/10/2014 07:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EMS23 · 22/10/2014 07:19

I work FT and do most of the night wakings with our 2yo horrendous sleeper.
My DH is at home all day with 3 children - I think that's far more exhausting and I can easily get through a day at work on broken sleep.
This myth that if you work, your sleep is more important, is such a load of bullshit! I know I'd rather go to work after a rubbish night.
Although if the person is involved in physical work, operating machinery or driving then I can understand the need for sleep over and above the stay at home parent.

However, everyone's situation and tolerance for broken sleep is different so if you're not coping OP, tell him and find a way to communicate to him that he needs to help.

Eva50 · 22/10/2014 07:20

Do you have other children? If not you need to go to bed at 7 when the baby does. You will then have had a block of sleep before he wakes. If he regularly wakes before midnight then dh could see to him then and go to bed at midnight. When the baby sleeps during the day you need to sleep too. Everything else just has to wait. Do you have anyone who could take him for a few hours during the day to let you have a sleep or do you know any local childminders who would have him for a few hours a couple of times a week to let you catch up? It will get better and probably fairly soon.

sr123 · 22/10/2014 07:24

Split the night wakings. Ds 8 has never slept through but I usually get 6 hours sleep because dh does the early stuff.

Original poster
Rantymop · 22/10/2014 07:25

He doesn't feed at night. I stopped feeding at night at about 4 months when he just started spitting out milk.

Been weaning for about 2 months now, on three meals and 4 bottles a day.

Two bottom teeth through, been sitting unaided since 5 months.

He does do fri and sat nights but mostly gets frustrated at ds, huffing and puffing etc so take over as it upsets ds more. He the sleepsost of sat and sun as he's tired.

We have no spare room.

Just had a nice argument.

He leaves for work at 7.30. He doesn't have too, he starts at 9, it's a ten min drive away, but he'd rather be at work than here.

OP posts:
GotToBeInItToWinIt · 22/10/2014 07:33

To be honest id much rather go to work after a night of broken sleep than spend the day with a relentless, non napping toddler! Luckily my DH agreed with me and shares night wakings. He at least gets 5 mins to go to the toilet on his own while he's at work.

OP you need to talk to him. The way you are currently living is not sustainable. Why should you be on your knees with exhaustion while he is getting full nights sleep when having children was a choice you both presumably made?

TheFowlAndThePussycat · 22/10/2014 07:33

I seriously don't get this 'but he works' attitude.

SAHMs look after children all day long - they aren't lounging around taking catnaps to catch up. What if OP drops off accidentally at the wheel of the car or while she's got something on the hob. Unless the DH is a brain surgeon or ambulance driver I struggle to think of a reason why he couldn't struggle through with a bit less sleep. By which I mean sharing the getting up duties more fairly.

I think my DH was perfectly aware in the early days that he had the good end of the deal, getting to sit in a comfortable office, doing a job he enjoys with regular coffee breaks and adult company all day long! I'm not saying he didn't find it hard too, just that we both (secretly) know that he wouldn't have swapped with me for all the tea in china.

Once he got home he basically took the kids off me for the rest of the evening and because DD 1 was formula fed he did some of the nighttime feeds too. With DD2 who was breast fed he would do nappies & settle her etc.

OP - your DH needs to step up. If he thinks that you don't work as hard as him (and therefore can make do with next to no sleep) in the day he needs to spend more time looking after DS on his own.

Original poster
Rantymop · 22/10/2014 07:43

He keeps saying to me "at least you are at home, no ones along you if you've done that bit of work yet".

Which yes, I undetstand, but while I am at home I amdoing everything that needs to be done here too as well as trying to take ds to groups etc.

He has an answer for everything though, he stormed off to work pissed off at me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rantymop · 22/10/2014 07:46

It's not about him looking after ds on his own though. That I could cope with, it's the everything else too! Endless washing (got to do loads of small loads as tiny flat and no where to dry), washing up, sterilising bottles, feeidng the baby (takes about half an hour per meal, more if doing blw food), cleaning up from that, shopping, going to play groups, cleaning the house.

He says just leave it, if it was up to him he'd live in a shithole, but I just can't live like that.

OP posts:
Plateofcrumbs · 22/10/2014 07:48

DS does a similar amount of waking at night at the moment - I've been awake since 5am today, and lots of wakings during the night. DH has a high stress, long hours job. I don't expect him to deal with night wakings after 10-11pm.

However DH is generally supportive in other ways (he put bottles in steriliser and made me a cup of tea before he left for work), and knows better than to offer unhelpful 'advice'.

I'd rather be tired and at home with DS than away from him in a stressful job, so I think I have the better side of the bargain TBH

PumpkinSizedMammaries · 22/10/2014 07:48

My hsuband works and has done a good share of getting up with DD for 8 years. It won't kill him. But not sleeping ever will harm you. He needs to step up.

LadyLuck10 · 22/10/2014 07:49

Why did you have a child with him then Confused. Sorry but he couldn't have woken up one day as a selfish person, you must have seen this before.

PumpkinSizedMammaries · 22/10/2014 07:49

Ladyluck thats so helpful

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